Why must we suffer alone?

[sannod]

Hi ladies,
I'm sorry for all your losses. I posted this on another ladies thread but I thought I would start a new thread here. I had a missed miscarriage last month after 2 years of no birthcontrol with 1 year of ttc. It has been so difficult especially now that i am back into my first cycle and feeling downhearted about starting all over. My sister just came over yesterday to tell me she is pregnant! I knew it would happen soon and although I am happy for her, not one person has asked if I am ok, its like my entire family has forgotten that i'm trying or that I just lost a baby. They said "Oh everyone thought you would cry because you would be so happy"

Are you *** serious?

It's hard enough that I will keep things to myself and that noone bothers to aknowledge my lost baby but then to put that on me and expect me to be the happiest person in the family that my much younger sister will be happily having a baby as planned with no problems while I face another year of ttc? Again I love my sister but I'm still human and I don't think it is totally selfish to ask my family to stand by me in this time whether she is pregnant or not. Just because she is pregnant so soon doesn't mean we forget my pain overnight. It seems everyone starts to avoid you after you miscarry and they don't let you talk about it.

My best friend is now 7 months pregnant and she just called me for the first time on Sunday after my miscarriage and all she said was did it come out okay? and maybe you aren't meant to have any kids with him "meaning my husband" I couldn't believe it. Is that support? All I wanted to talk about was the trials of ttc and how sad I am and everyone avoids the issue. BTW my husband and I already have one child so what does that make him. Not meant to be but an accident anyways?

God I wish I could just stop being so angry but with stuff like this going on it is hard not to.

 

[tu123]

Things are tough for you right now. I'm sorry. Although we are happy for them it DOES hurt when others are pregnant or they have just found out and told you.

Unless people have MC they really dont understand what it is like or how it can stab you in the heart every time you see someone is pregnant.

 

[jennijunni]

Mama I know this is hard, and will be hard to do, but to heal you have to let go of your anger. You are right, the world does move on, and it is sad, especially when the pain is still so raw. But you cannot heal your heart when you carry around anger. I am sorry for your loss, and I am sorry that you have to deal with the added trial of secondary infertility, that is so hard. I will tell what I do, it may not work for you, it may not be something you are interested in doing, but I rejoiced in others happiness, and rejoiced in their blessings. And it works. It really does. Hugs!! I will be thinking of you!

 

[sannod]

Thanks ladies

 

[spartygirl]

I went through something similar recently. DH and I had to spend the weekend with his family back in June and it was less than a month after my mc. They all acted like it had never happened and even asked me what was wrong (because I was sad). My SIL completely avoided me and wouldn't even make eye contact with me. Last week I found out that she is pregnant.

Since then I have been trying to deal with all the hurt they have caused me but it is so hard. And it is going to take a lot of time. I know it is difficult when people don't respond the way we had hoped. Its hard enough that we have to deal with the losses of our babies, but on top of that we have to deal with the bad reactions of everyone else. Stay strong and I am here if you need to vent more.

 

[mandyt]

Hi,

having just read through your first post it could almost be me thats writing it! I just found out my sister is expecting and feel exactly same as you do....nobody understands or even tries to understand how hurt and angry you are.

Your right that nobody asks how you are? not even my mum has asked if im ok since its happened....its as though its all in my head.

Although im happy for my sister Im going to be avoiding her for next few weeks because its less a month since mmc and I just cant handle it.


I hope everything comes together how we want for all of us

xx

 

[mwaah]

Hiya so sorry for all your losses but its so true unless someone experiences a loss they dont really know what you are going through.

My best friend has just recently become pregnant and all she does is moan about feeling sick, having to have bloods taken and showing to early. I would of been due in 16 days and although I am very happy for her and want to hear how well the pregnancy is going i just want to poke her in the eye and tell her to stop moaning as lots of would love to be going through what she is right now.

It's so hard when everyone else forgets the babies we lost but at least we will never forget them.

Fx it will be your turn soon hugs xx

 

[LilMrsHappy]

ladies, i feel ur pain on this issue.

 

[mememe123]

oh what we have to deal with sometimes...

I mc Jan 31/Feb1 at 15 weeks and April 1st i had an email from my SIL (husbands sister) that she was expectiong and not happy about the situation (she is 38 and has a complete family).. she tends to be quite comical about everything in life .. emails usually bring me to laughing tears... this one not so much.
I took the day to think on this.. I sent an email later in evening stating how everythign happens for a reason and best wishes congrats etc... it took a lot to do this on my part.
I had a reply back "April Fools"
I deleted the emails.

I feel for you all it is so hard... i had to go to a baby shower for my Sister in Law (my side of family)2 weeks after my miscarriage.. she is above all my sister in law but it was hard... I do not have any advice on how to deal.

 

[LilMrsHappy]

Oh my god, mememe123 - that is the cruelest thing Ive ever heard, u poor thing. I cant believe anyone would be so insensitive and horrible!! I hope u have been keeping away from her ever since?
Its bad enough having to go to that shower, but at least that was something you couldnt avoid and had to be got through - but for that other one to think that those emails would be funny??? Where do people like this come from????

 

[red mom2b]

It's a tough situation. I'm sorry you are going through this, but I think a lot of us know how you may feel. It's hard to feel happy for someone you love (in the way others expect) when all you want to do is cry and have the good fortune bestow upon you. (Been there) It's a normal feeling! Just know that your time will come!

I believe that everything happens for a reason even if you don't know what it is...

Best of luck to you!

 

[mememe123]

Oh my god, mememe123 - that is the cruelest thing Ive ever heard, u poor thing. I cant believe anyone would be so insensitive and horrible!! I hope u have been keeping away from her ever since?
Its bad enough having to go to that shower, but at least that was something you couldnt avoid and had to be got through - but for that other one to think that those emails would be funny??? Where do people like this come from????

i jsut truly believe she did not think of me when she sent it.. she is a real comic all the time and to pass up april fools?? no way for her... yes she could ahve left me out of it or not snet but I truly belive she did not realize... she does have a kind heart.

As for the baby shower.... he is my nephew... how coudl I miss it? I want a baby but not that one.. he does not belong to me.

i know I think weird!!

thanks for sticking to my side though...!!!! I am glad that it was not jsut me thinking it was all cruel!!