WHY???

[hayley x]

Ok so as naive as this sounds I thought things were meant to 'get better' but today they just feel soooo much worse. I want my baby, here at home, to cuddle him, change his nappy like any other mummy.

Normally it helps to look at his photos but today i burst out crying everytime i look over at them, I just keep thinking Why?? Why my Alex. I only ever wanted Alex no more babies just the one (although his dad had other ideas), I was so excited to be his mummy, Id literally planned our lives together, just the 3 of us, but now instead of walking to the park and doing family things I sit at his grave 4 times a day lighting candles and blowing them out just so i can re light them!

We now got at least 3/4 month wait to know WHY he died and the chances are we never will know why. But he had to have died for a reason, he couldnt have simply 'stopped breathing'??

Sorry I thought I was doing 'ok' til now and Im just feeling sorry for myself I dont even know why Im posting, I dont want sympathy I think I just need to let it out

xxx

 

[Emerald-Sarah]

Oh Hayley .. I couldn't possibly read this post without sending you I am so very sorry for your loss.
xxxx

 

[babytots]

oh hun i'm usless with words today as i am having a rubbish day myself but i know how you are feeling sweetheart. i want my baby back too and it hurts so much!

i really hope it doesnt take too long to get alexs results back how come you are having to wait so long. at the most all of jessicas results will be back within 8 weeks of her passing away and thought that was a long wait.

more hunni. x

 

[AppleBlossom]

I don't really know what to say so sending you huge huge xx

 

[Jkelmum]

life is so cruel ..I wish there was somthing I could say or do to take the pain away xxx

 

[hayley x]

oh hun i'm usless with words today as i am having a rubbish day myself but i know how you are feeling sweetheart. i want my baby back too and it hurts so much!

i really hope it doesnt take too long to get alexs results back how come you are having to wait so long. at the most all of jessicas results will be back within 8 weeks of her passing away and thought that was a long wait.

more hunni. x

I was told the average is around 4 months cause theres so much involved. So many statements from so many different health professionals (he saw enough of them in his short 12 days of life!), then they need to examine every little but to make sure they havent missed a thing as to what caused his death. Its only been 3 weeks since his post mortem but feels like forever ago

sorry to hear your havin a bad day too xx

 

[- Butterfly -]

Hi Hayley

I'm so sorry ........... I'm not sure if it 'gets better' with time as my little girl grew her angel wings 6 months ago and I too spent alot of yesterday crying.

I felt very sad when you said about sitting at Alex's grave and you have to do whatever helps you to get by but I hope I don't offend you by saying that Alex is not at the cemetery.... he is with you..... wherever you go he follows...... you're his mummy and he loves you and he won't want to see you sitting there upset.

Please PM me if you need to.

Lots of Love. xx

 

[ChloesMummy]

Life is so unfair x

 

[baby#4due2/16]

I am so sorry...I cant say i know how you feel...but i will say you are in my prayers...god bless you and your lil angel...

 

[superp123]

 

[superp123]

 

[mrsstreet0417]

Big Big

 

[LoraLoo]

Push for the results hun, we had Eves back within 1 week, we had to wait for the Toxicology results a bit longer, but by then we already had a reason (Eve died in similar circumstances to baby Alex- presumed SIDS)

I think in time it does get easier, the pain is always there but you can function a bit more normally, but for you, its still v v early days and you will be up and down for a long time- ok one min, sad, angry, bitter the next. Its like a roillercoster and its bloody exhausting. Theres nothing much you can do but just go with those feelings and ride them out.

So sorry you are having to go through this.

 

[Csunshine013]

couldn't just read and leave. Hope you find peace

 

[maddiwatts19]

aw hun
yea people say it'll get better, and it will.. but no-ones expecting it to get better by now. Its different for everyone, some people feel better a month after, for others it takes years.. the most important thing is that you dont let anyone dictate how you should be feeling.. if you need to cry, do it. if you need to sit and look at pics of your gorgeous little boy, do it.. dont let anyone make you feel how you dont want to.
your so strong, and i really admire how your coping.. its ok to have days that your not "ok" it makes you human.
I hope you get some answers about what happened to your gorgeous son. you deserve them x x

 

[kaylynn040485]

 

[v2007]

Ive got to say its very very early days for you, grief sadly cant be rushed and the only thing we have is time, i promise you it does get better.

I remember the weeks after Taylor died, they were by far the most horrific thing i ever lived through.

I didnt have a PM for Taylor but i know lots of Mums have had results within the month so please push your Doctor to get a move on.

Loads of hugs to you and Angel Alex.

V xxxx

 

[mama2b]

Oh hun,

I don't know what to say apart from Alex will always be with you and your oh watching over you.