Widowed Father... advice on moving on?

[wowdad]

I lost my wife 3 months after the birth of our beautiful daughter, that was 2 years ago now. I have a lot of help from her family, her parents and sisters have been great. Im getting a lot of pressure from my side of the family (and friends) to get out there again and move on, but Im also getting a lot of pressure from her side of the family to do the opposite - her sisters in particular are very protective of our 'unit' and I guess are not wanting to see their sis replaced. Ive brought up discussions that whatever happens, no-one will ever replace her , but work is getting more demanding and I need to have some consistency in my LO's life, not just nanny's and family.

Anyone have any advice on how to deal with possessive families and persistent friends trying to hook me up? I really want them all to get lost and leave us both alone, but its not fair on her really, she needs a mom.

 

[Hell Bunny]

First, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your daaughter.

Second, your family need to realise that grief is such a personal and individual thing and that you will move on if and when you're ready. Getting into a new relationship if you aren't ready wouldn't be fair on the woman anyway.

As for your wife's family? It's harsh to say this but it's not their business. You're entitled to live your life as you see fit. You have no obligation to them and if they genuinely cared for you they'd be happy for you if you could find happiness with someone else eventually.

I hope that both families learn to let you live your life your own way.

All the best.

 

[AbbynChloe]

^^ WSS

it is your life, and they cannot control you. I hope you manage to find a way forward. You can only move on when you feel ready to.

let us know how you get on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[DadnBoys]

I just wanted to pipe in here. This post made me register here.

I am also a single dad, father of two boys. My wife died when my boys were 10 months and 22 months old, and that was two years ago almost to the day today.

All I have to say is do what is best for you and your little girl. But also think hard about getting back to seeing other people. For a while I felt like I had to be with someone and realized it was more for them to have a mother, and not a soul mate for me. Obviously whomever would also have to be a good parent for them. Just don't move too quickly, but if the time seems right, go for it.

I can understand the tension, especially if her sister has been part of your family and helping raise your daughter, but it's still your life and your daughter.

 

[moomin_troll]

i dont no how i missed this thread

i lost my husband last year (november) when i was 3 weeks pregnant with our second son.
my mum keeps making comments about when i met someone else ect, its driving me insane, i dont want to meet someone else.

you dont have to start seeing people to move on. and all our babies need is us, they dont need a replacement mum or dad

 

[babybambi2011]

ok i feel like crying! the worst time to lose a partner! im a single parent but me and my ex split, but i dont know what id do if he wasnt here.
only you know when your ready to move on and meet other people, but you have to do it for you! its hard when one family are pushing and another aposing, but at the end of the day, your and your daughters happiness is the only thing that matters!

 

[Laura2919]

Im very sorry for your loss. Its must be heartbreaking but the best you can do for your daughter is help her know her mum through you. The stories you have, the times you shared, the special occasions, and lots of other memories, they are the key.

As for moving on, they cant honestly think your going to stay single forever are they? you lost your wife but you dont have to lose who you are, you will always remember her, she gave you your child and I am assuming you loved her very much, thats never easy to forget.
If I were in your position I would tell everyone to back off. You need to make the best choice for you and your daughter.

Good luck, if you ever need a chat, I am around

 

[cluelessnow]

So sorry for your loss. It's really hard but your family and friends cannot expect you to be single for the rest of your life or date when you're not ready.

I would speak to them individually, thank them for being there and how much you appreciate them but that sooner or later you want a more balanced life and will be dating again (get her family used to you just dating first) or even just you want to make new friends and see where things go. With friends who are pressurizing to date, say you'll do it when it feels right.

Take it slow, be friends first even and I would not introduce your LO to the anyone you're just dating until you're really sure she's going to hang around for longer and you want her to stay around. But I guess that's obvious.

At the moment, I'm not ready to date yet. And there's always that question, is it for LO or is it for you? It's better if it's for both of you and the person you choose will make both of you happy.

Hope that helps and hope it all goes well for you.

 

[dustbunny]

I can not add any more advice to what other people have said without repeating it again but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for what has happened. Just do what feels right for you and your daughter and that's all you can do.

 

[pinklily]

I agree with the advice already given. Sorry for your loss, hoping for the best outcome for you and your precious little girl.

 

[MrsKippling]

I have nothing to add but just wanted to say sorry for your loss, put you and your daughter first and do what is best for the 2 of you xx

 

[amotherslove]

move on when you're ready. love will find YOU if you're ready for it. and the sisters will have to learn to cope... you said nothing would every replace her, have you tried explaining this to them? how much she means to you still? you have a right to be happy again.. but don't get yourself wound up thinking your daughter NEEDS a mother. i'm sure you're doing a great job.. and she's very lucky to have a father

 

[Laura2919]

move on when you're ready. love will find YOU if you're ready for it. and the sisters will have to learn to cope... you said nothing would every replace her, have you tried explaining this to them? how much she means to you still? you have a right to be happy again.. but don't get yourself wound up thinking your daughter NEEDS a mother. i'm sure you're doing a great job.. and she's very lucky to have a father

I think this says it all

You do it when its right for you.

 

[6lilpigs]

When you meet the right person you will find the strength to face your wifes family. We lost out mum at 39 leaving 5 children, my dad remarried about 3 years later and some of her family, sisters were angry about this, but we loved our step mum. I know if I was to go then I would want my DH to find someone else to love and look after him and the children, I would even send them down a suprise bundle or two as nothing heals more than new life, best of luck xx

 

[ShanandBoc]

I just wanted to pop in and say so sorry for all those who have lost a partner / spouse. You are all an inspiration and your children are very blessed to have such a dedicated, loving parent xo

 

[anna matronic]

I can understand the feelings of your late wifes family. I lost my sister in August, leaving my bro in law and their 3 children (4 and 7 month old twins) Me and my mum have talked about how one day he may well meet someone else and we would be happy for him and the girls to have a loving female role back in their lives. But it is still awfully sad to think about because it should be their mum He is still VERY early and not even something that has gone through his mind. but as and when we will be totally supportive of his life. My sister also wouldn't want him to stay on his own forever and would want him to be happy again.

So you do need to do what YOU want, what is RIGHT for you and your daughter and at the RIGHT time. It is nothing to do with anyone else. As has been said, you are not replacing your wife, but you have every right to find another person to be with. Tell them straight how you want to live your life. If they don't like it then it is their problem and loss x x

 

[Rachael4776]

First I want to say I am sorry for your loss. I know all to well what it is like to lose a spouse as I lost my husband almost 3 years ago, June 22. I understand your family wanting you to move on because they love you and want you to be happy, but I also understand your late wife's family feeling insecure about that type of move as they are afraid they may lose contact with your daughter. You ultimatly have to do what you feel is right for you. You can't be a people pleaser in this situation...you have to follow your heart and do what is best for you. If you ever need to talk, you can email me anytime.

Rachael

 

[Cazamatazaaa]

I just want to say your guys are absolutely inspirational and true amazing people. what amazing fathers you are, and to the mummies that have lost there partners too... its something ending a relationshiop but losing your other halfs.. your inspirational.

Only you know whats best, never ever listen to anyone else, always listen to your self, you are your own best friend and only you know what is right, nobody has been in your shoes, nobody has lived your life, you are YOU, thats the only advice I can give sweet xxxxxx