Wish I had extra plates to throw!!!!

[superp123]

Facing the facts as of yesterday. Low progesterone last week and Hcg not rising this week, so it's just a waiting game now.
I want to wreck something in the worst way!! Feel so sorry for myself and it's just so crap!!!!! This is not me!!! Still waiting for the mc to actually start, then I wonder if there's some mistake. I know, I know better but still. Hopefully not like the last time, waited two weeks. Feels like pergatory(sp). Or some kindof hell reserved just for me.
Seriously, in no condition (mentally) to post. I was hoping it would help me... it will... just not now today.
P

 

[nickyb]

hi hun sorry for what your going through, i know theres no words that can help i just wanted to send u a hug xxx

 

[nicky]

I am so sorry

 

[Omi]

Oh, sweetheart! From somone who's been there i can only offer you hugs and tell you i empathise so, so much.

be kind to yourself and feel free to do whatever you feel like doing- cause its the only way you're gonna get through this- throw some plates if thats what you feel like!!

You will get through this, until then..do whatever you need to do..its the only way- and there's no right or wrong, sweetie.

Sending you my most heartfelt sympathies and massive , Omi xxx

 

[NikiJJones]

Awww. So sorry for you love! I was exactly there nearly 3 weeks ago. It is heartbreaking. Knowing your little one is gone, but waiting for the inevitable is so painful. I really feel for you. I wish I could do something to take away your pain. Let me know if you want to chat.
Sending you
Niki xxxx

 

[superp123]

Thank you for all your kindness. Feeling a bit numb sitting downstairs reading, so I thought I come up and get all of this out of my system. It's good therapy. It's just nice to know someone out there is listening and understands. All of my people around me have never done this. Except for mom... and I think my mc distresses her more than me. I know that sounds weird, but she's just hurting for me... and it just makes it harder. I'm already feeling like I've let my husband and myself down again. I just can't stand hearing her cry for me right now. Is that horrible? Haven't told the inlaws yet, and thank God we didn't tell anyone else. I couldn't bear to face them... all those sad faces.
Started smoking again. LOL Figured what's the difference. I know that's horrible, but I don't care. Now funny enough, I think I've literally smoked myself sick. Silly girl I am. I'll put them away again but not now.
Also today, I ate whatever the F I wanted to. I figured I've earned it and who's going to argue with a crazy lady. LOL Pizza, fast food and chocolate. I'm paying for that choice already with heartburn. Tomorrow back on track can't keep this up or I'll be as big as a house. Putting on weight isn't good for my moral either. Plus the food isn't really making me feel better.
Still waiting and trying to put on a brave face for the boys. I don't want to tramatize them, but I do reckon that once I'm alone for more than five min. I'm going to loose it. Broke down today during nap time. Which, surprisingly made me feel a bit better, only it's really hard to stop once you start isn't it?
Doc called me personally, which I thought was very nice of him, and asked me to come in a week or two. He wants to make sure I'm okay and talk about testing. I'm so relieved, as I'm not sure if I could do this again blindly. My innocense has been stolen and I'm just not strong enough. Two times is too many. I just keep thinking, yes this sucks but many people have gone through this more than I have.... and go on to have success. So that's the tape I'm playing. Still it sucks sucks sucks.
Tomorrow, I'm contemplating going to the second hand store to purchase some extra plates. Now, I've just got to figure out where can I break them all. Ah, forget it. Now it's all a little to premeditated isn't it. Arg!
So I'm going to shave and shower and try to maintain my sanity. I'll be back again soon with more random thoughts I'm sure.
P

 

[NeyNey]

oh sweetheart, it's not your fault- please don't feel like you've let anyone down.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you

 

[Samo]

thinking of you, hun. take care of yourself. it's good to let it all out, we're here to listen! I think it's totally normal to feel like you do, take your time, and just take care.

 

[shmoo75]

Oh hun I am so sorry for what you are going through. I had a m/c 2wks ago so kinda know what you are going through. If you want to chat at anytime I am here.

 

[niknaknat]

I'm so sorry for your loss chick xxxxx

 

[Lucy_lu_84]

I know words are not going to make you feel better right now - but I just want to send you love and big
I m/c last week, so I kinda know what you are going thru...thank god for these boards I tell you.
If you ever want to talk, or rant or whatever I'm hear to listen if you need it!


you will get thru this babes

Lu x

 

[NikiJJones]

Hope you are doing OK. Thinking of you!
When you feel like crying, just let it out. I know it is so hard to stop, but I think we need to get it all out. I have cried more than I ever thought I could this last few weeks, but better than holding it all in. Plate smashing sounds like a good alternative.
I know what you mean about your Mum. I felt guilty for putting so much pain on her. She has been desperate for me to have a child for years, and I could see how much she was hurting too. Having said that she was super with hugs and looking after me. I found my Granny was a great help too. She went through this before she had my Mum. She was very practical and strong for me.
DON'T feel guilty about the eating, please. I ate so much chocolate in the first week, and cake and all the things I've avoided for so long. I think our bodies are feeling worn out and probabaly low on sugar, so I'm sure it isn't too bad for them.
I know this sounds so hard, but time will heal. Don't dwell on trying again until you feel you can manage it. Just get yourself better little step by little step. We are always here for you!!!

xxxx

 

[owo]

So sorry to hear you are having to go through this.
I found and still do find great comfort and support from all the girls on here when i miscarried three and half weeks ago.
Don't blame yourself, there isn't anything you could have done. Try and take comfort in the fact that you can conceive and you will again and next time it will be successful.
Please don't feel guilty about eating all the wrong things. The first thing my DH did when we came back from the hospital was to go and buy me a bottle of my favourite wine, smoked Salmon and Brie, all the things i couldn't have whilst pregnant. Indulge yourself, we all have done it.
If you want to smash some plates, go for it.
Take Care
xx

 

[buffycat]

am so so sorry........i agree that two is too many, two times two many in fact...

stock up on some plates i say though, and get some earplugs for your neighbours too. You need to deal with this in your own way, whatever that might be.

understand what you said about your mum too, telling mine was just as heartbreaking.....and although i know it is wrong, i still feel as if i let so many people down.....

please try to love yourself though, we all love you.....

hugs:

 

[superp123]

Thank you so much ladies, for helping me validate my feelings. These boards are the best and everyone here so so supportive. You all made me cry. It's like getting a big internet hug.
Having a bit of a crazy morning. Still bleeding, no constant cramping or clots yet... and in my crazy little head I wonder, is there some mistake? Doesn't help that my symptoms seem to have reappeared. Woke myself up a few times last night with the blood rushing back to my breasts. Arg! This is torture and I'm only adding to it. So the plan for distraction today is to attack the house hold chores. Cleaning for some reason helps me deal with stuff. Literally and figuratively. Then after lunch take the boys to the 'pirate park'. Thats what they call the ginormus park on the lake. They'll have fun and it'll help me not feel so sorry for me.
Talk to you all later.
P

 

[jacky24]

Im so sorry for your loss, i wish i had all the words in the world to comfort you. May all just work out fine, and stay focused on the boys.

We are always here for you when you need us just throw a plate hun.

pm whenever you need to rant one of us will always listen.

 

[xXx Vamp xXx]

I know there's not much any of us can say to ease the pain darlin, I just wanted to send you a big hug

 

[Farie]

So very sorry
Cry when you need to, smash plates when you need to

 

[polo_princess]

thinking of you hun

 

[WW1]

I'm so sorry. I was also in your position a few weeks ago and it really is horrible.

All I can offer are lots of - we're here to listen if you need us x