Wish I had extra plates to throw!!!!

[Mynxie]

I'm so sorry to learn of your loss huni I know that nothing I can say will make you feel any better, but I'm here, as are many of the others, if you want to chat x

 

[tansey]

Hoping you are ok hun. So sorry to hear what happened! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[superp123]

Oh boy, what a long seven days this has been. I'm emotionaly and physically ******ed at this point. I haven't cried even since the other day, when I posted. I just can't, I know I need to but I can't. I have a UTI, and another sinus infection(thank you alergies) I've been poked, proded, tested and ultrasounded. I'm on antibodies, and pain killers for the past 24 hours. Still no mc action going on here, just bleeding with horrible cramping. I know this is going to sound horrid, but I need to get the f*ck on with it already!!! So called the nurse today, as directed, since still nothing. I go in tomorrow am for a D&C. I'm terrified. I'm one of those who doesn't much care for hospitals anyway, I don't like knowing the details about stuff like this, and I hate blood. Don't tell me, ignorance is bliss. I'm so squeemish. I know I'm going to be fine, but still nervous.
On top of it, everyone keeps saying, "How are you feeling hun?" Do they really want to know how I'm feeling? I know my people who love me do, but the people who don't really even know me... I can't take it. The next one is going to hear the truth. The truth is, I'd rather be somebody else right now. I can't stand to be in my own skin and I don't know if I'm coming or going. Worst of all I don't know how to feel beter. Usually, I can look at myself and say, "girl go get your hair done, you'll feel beter..." but this, I don't think a haircut is going to work. I need some serious therapy people. I would love to excersise my problems away, which I find normaly works... But as things are I can't really get on with that can I? Oi!!! Which brings me back to, I just need the next step to be done so I can cope and move on. I feel like I'm stuck right now. Emotionaly constipated. Does that make sense?
Oh, I love these boards, I feel beter already. Thanks for reading my rant. I hope you all are doing well, or as well as can be expected.
Lots of
P

 

[trickysgurl]

I am sooo sorry i kno the feeling.. I have had 2 mcs since ive been tryin to have a lil 1 and b4 i started tryin i had 2.. One at 18 and 22 and the waiting is the worst.. It gets so frustrating that i cant do a simple thing that women are made to do but all of us have to keep our heads up.. Making it through the night is the only way to see the light of day.. I kno thats corny but its the truth. I hope things get better for u and im gonna have u on my mind. If u ever need to talk im here.

 

[Lazy Leo]

Hiya, I was having a look for you last week and couldn't find you! I looked in your two journals and the wtt section. I never gave it a thought to look in here. But it seems obvious now I'm going through a similar hell.

I know you are going to get through this. I don't know how, but you are strong and you'll do it for the boys if nothing else because from 'knowing' you in an online sense I think that's the kind of person you are.

I can't do much but offer sympathy and hugs and let you know you are in my thoughts.

 

[tansey]

I hope after tomorrow things start to move on for you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[NikiJJones]

Will be thinking of you. You have already been so brave. Wish I could be there to give you a big hug.
xxxx

 

[superp123]

So everything went well today or so they tell me. I'm feeling a bit high and a little crampy still but otherwise fine. My emotional constipation has been relieved, immediately after waking up, the flood gates opened. I can't sit long and ramble but I will say I'm dealing. I'm feeling very greatful for my husband at the moment. He cries with me and worries with me, and always picks me up when I fall. I'm so thankful to God that I have him always, but times like these when the light hits him just right, I think, "I'm so lucky."
Lots of hugs girls.
P

 

[NikiJJones]

Sending you more .
Glad your hubby is such a star for you.
xxxx

 

[tansey]

Glad you are feeling a bit better and you have a lovely hubby! xx

 

[superp123]

So I've traded in emotional constipation for the other kind. It seems pain killers also cause constipation. I'm trying all the tricks I know to get things moving along down there. But in truth, I'm a little afraid to push. I know it's totally irrational but a fear that has kept me from showing number 2 who's boss. LOL Oi, such problems.
P

 

[jolyn]

So sorry about what happened hun - can't even begin to imagine how u feel

 

[superp123]

I made it a point this time not to tell everyone. Well some people told other people but then failed to tell the other people when everything went wrong. So I'm at a family Barbeque today and my mother in laws, boyfriends(Dan)---- brother says, "Hey do you think you should be smoking?" And for a second I thought, did he know???? Then dismissed it quickly and replied, "Is there a REASON I shouldn't be smoking?" Well, Dan quickly checked his brother with a very subtile cough as I walked away nearly in tears. I thought for a few minutes, "What an ass!!" just long enough for him to discover what had happened. He then quickly came up to me with tail between his legs saying how sorry he was, and that he is the biggest ass in the world. I agreed and then decided I'd better let him off the hook.
It's just so hard now to know that I won't be having a baby in January. I'm so totally bummed about it too. Then to have an ass like Dan's bro telling me what I should be doing with my unborn baby... who doesn't exsist anymore. It's just like a slap in the face.
My doc has advised us to wait after one or two cycles before making any emotional dicisions but I've gotta say... I WANT ONE NOW!!! Doc ran lots of tests on me for things like Lupis, blood disorders, autoimmune disorders and such and he is testing the fetus too. He's being increadibly supportive and proactive with me which I appreciate with my whole heart. But I just want a baby so badly.
Which brings me to pitty party part II. Why me, why us!!! Of all the people... not that I'd wish my misfortune on anyone else, but what does it all mean? I sometimes wonder am I right with God? I think I am. Is it within Gods grace for me to have children or what other plan may he have for me? I just don't know. I don't know and it's not fair.
Pitty party part III. As much as I didn't want to join the MC group. I so do not want to join the WTT group! Nothing against the group, but to me it's just like pergatory. Arg!!
BOOOO!!
P

 

[NikiJJones]

Hello,
Hope you are OK today. My LO was due January too. It is so hard to keep realising that it won't happen now.
I went straight from MC group to TTC. I am too impatient to wait for anything! Do what you feel is right.
So sorry to hear about your brother in law too. I sometimes wonder how people can be so insensitive, even if they do have their facts wrong. People just open their mouth and out it comes!!!!!!
Thinking of you,
xxxx

 

[Rumpskin]

 

[superp123]

What a day!!! I had two boys to get off to summer school this morning by 8am. It's my fist day back at work(stay at home Auntie) since last Wed. I think my hubby is soft on them. They didn't want to listen for nothing. Little poops. I finally had to lay it all out for them before we left the house. Speech that was a little something like, "Shape up or you'll be in that naughty chair for a long time today, I'm done with the rolling eyes(at age 3 and 4) and the teenage attitude(from 7yr old). SO are we going to have a good day??!!" Surprisingly it wasn't too bad. They seemed to understand that Auntie is back. Although, I caught the younger ones coloring the new swingset with crayons and pens! I could have flipped. Oi kids, I'm telling you. I haven't had a whole lot of time to think about myself. That could be good and bad.
When hubby got home today, he was cleaning out the grill getting ready to put the bratwurst on and Chris(4) helped him clean out the old charcoal and carry it to the alley. It just hit me, as Chris shadowed him to the alley with big bucket in hand and Xavier(3) toddered behind, he's been such a good Dad to our nephews and I only hope that we can have our own someday. I had to go in and cry for a minute. Yeah, I'm tearing up just thinking of it agian. I'm such a baby!!!
I guess it's all part of the process. When does this stop, I forget how long it took me last time?
Lots of hugs girls and thanks for all of your support.
P

 

[miel]

you can always come in the ttc when ever and DH are ready