wish i had more will power

[whatwillbe]

Ok, so me an fob split when i was about 4 weeks preg, it ended badly and since then he's basically treated me like i or his baby dont exist i havnt contacted im for a coupld of weeks, but last few days ive been feeling really down, i went to buy some baby things the other day, and while i was shopping nearly burst in to tears, its horrible being pregnant and alone zo ive been thinking of him a bit more and decided to ring him today, i know i shouldnt but i think im looking for ansers, like how can he treat me like this when im having his baby ? When at one point i was good enough for him, but not anymore? I think most of all i just want him to say sorry for how it ended, but each time i contact him, he talks to me an makes me feel like im a murderer or something, like ive done something terrible, he always shouts at me an then puts the phone down, i wish i could just be strong enough to not get in touch with him, but when im having a down day i always do, and each time i end up feeling a little bit worse about myself, like maye i deserve this or something, i cant understand how someone who once professed to love you can be so cold.. sorry for my rant just had to let it out x

 

[Jennifurball]

Sorry to hear how you are feeling. I know it is hard that he abandoned you so early, on the other hand, I went through him being there in my pregnancy, holding my hand through labour, then constantly abused me and let me down so I get upset looking back at him being at the hospital etc and it makes me cry.

Next time you are tempted to call/text him, post here, or type the text out then cancel it, that is what I used to do and feel it does help. xx

 

[whatwillbe]

Thanks hun, it seems once you get pregnant thier whole attitude changes, they become so cruel sorry you've had to go through this too, i think i'd rather he'd left early than treat me so badly at what should be such a special time for you, i suppose ive had some time to get used to being single, but it still hurts, next time i will just write the text but not send it, thanks for replying hun x

 

[Ersurgeongirl]

It does hurt... But remind yourself that he is not a man. He turned his back on you but more importantly your LO... What kind of father would he be? One that doesn't want anything to do with their kid unless he benefits from it?

I have to remind myself of the same things

 

[Jennifurball]

Another thing I find helps is thinking the poor baby is a victim too, it makes you stronger like you are fighting for them, even though if it was just for yourself, you would give in. I look at Scarlett and it makes me stronger because I am determined to get through it for her, whereas I am weak normally.

We will be ok.

 

[emeraldbaby]

I feel your pain. My fob is my husband (now separated) and he treats me cruelly too.
I have to keep telling myself to focus on reality and that sentimentality won't change the facts...easier said than done, and I do have my depressed times. But the baby and I both deserve a peaceful happy environment, so that's my forever goal. He can go find himself another victim to abuse.

So know you aren't alone. it will be okay. Hugs

 

[Jennifurball]

Love this (forever goal) ^^ made me feel stronger.

 

[Dezireey]

You are not alone hun, the agony and pain I felt when my fella left me and his unborn baby because he couldnt cope with it was the worse type of pain ever. Some days I wish he was a boyfriend that I hadn't loved so much and then maybe it wouldnt have hurt so bad. I've had boyfriends in the past that I've liked and to be honest I wish they had been the father of my baby and then left me as at least then I wouldnt care so much. I feel your pain I do. I look at my little boy and how cute, innocent, vulnerable and adorable he is and ask how, how can a man do this to his own son? I'll never understand and I'll never come to terms with it. But time makes things better and I hope one day my boy says to me 'mum, you know what, I really dont care if I dont have a Dad as you love me so much, its all I need' That sense of relief would be great. Its him I worry about, I can find another man, he'll only have one Dad, so that sucks. I hate being nice to my FOB at the moment as there is a chance he might come around with his son as he has seen him and it went well. To be honest, if it wasnt for my boy, I'd smash my FOB's face in, given half the chance. I think these men just get super angry with us for deciding to keep our babies, they blame us and dont see it as anything to do with them.

 

[ZombieQueen]

I went through this as well hun, it's been so tough, even now.. I'm finally able to get through a day without dying to text or call him. I haven't cried in some time.. I found that writing out a list of all the things I dislike about him, be it big or small, helped a lot. Whenever I felt I missed him, I'd look at that list and remind myself WHY we aren't together. You're welcome to check out my list it's on the "Getting over your EX" thread. Also, it's okay to think about him, don't try to force yourself not to and don't be afraid to cry or get angry.. Just try your best not to contact him, it'll only make you feel worse and it's like picking at a wound, it'll never heal if you keep doing that. You can always PM me if you need someone to talk to. My husband met another woman and pretty much put me through hell from 3 months on in my pregnancy and being a single mom is SO tough, FOB has yet to meet DD.. But it has it's up sides, any choice I make for my LO is my choice, I don't have to justify, convince or compromise with someone else and even though I have to change every diaper, do every feed, wake every time.. I get ALL the snuggles, kisses and giggles and I don't have to share a single one

You'll get through, just hang in there.

 

[whatwillbe]

Thank you ladies for your replies, and im sorry your having to go through the same kind of situation dezireey i agree it would be so much easier if i never loved him so much, also agree i could find another man but baby wont have her daddy, its going to be so hard too because my 3 kids have a great dad who comes and takes them out, and how will i explain to my baby when she gets older why her daddy doesnt do the same? I hope your fob grows up and realises how lucky he is to have a lo, i gues we just have to keep plodding on x

 

[whatwillbe]

Zombiequeen im sorry you went through this too, it seems worse to me because you were actually married, cant believe he still hasnt met your dd either, i think i have seen your post, with the list lol, great idea i might add my own list to it haha, i have to try not to text / call him but its so hard some days, keep strong ! And thank you hun, maybe next time i wanna text him i'll pm you instead x

 

[ZombieQueen]

I definitely know the struggle to not text, you're more than welcome to PM me!

 

[Calambria]

Unfortunately you're singing my song. I haven't talked to DH(soon to be ex) in over 2 months now. Last time it was quite ugly and he told me he wished me, him and baby never happened(despite him pushing for children). His new thing is denying paternity, which is of course, loads of fun.

I say I get more kindness and respect from a stranger on the street...And I do. I've been treated better by exes I've had no ties to whatsoever. These men, they're a special bunch, my dear. I used to make a lot of excuses for him...Childhood issues, mental issues, all that. But I say he gets none anymore. He's just an irresponsible, flighty, and cruel man-child. End of!

I do understand what you mean as I had many days where I just sat there shaking my head saying over and over to myself, "I can't believe it's going down like this." But you know the minute you contact, it's going to shit on your whole day. He's not going to suddenly have the answers you want or be the man you want/need him to be(that's what I looked for, anyway). He'll just be 'le douche', and you'll be the one suffering again. You have to make being kind to yourself a priority. And being kind and good to you means removing yourself from the line of fire.

 

[whatwillbe]

Thanks calambria, your right, i just need to cut all contact, deep down i know hes never going to change, hes never going to care, its just the accepting it thats so hard, im sorry you've been through this too, i feel the same as in ive been treated better by men ive had no ties to, im just realising now that the man i thought i loved was a complete stranger, chameleon and in future im going to be so wary of men, but its time to move ln now x