Working mums with SAHDs support group

[Cattia]

I'm starting this thread for all us mummies who are returning to work with OHs staying at home to look after LO. We can share our experiences and feelings about work and about how our OHs are doing looking after our little ones. Come and chat ladies

 

[harmonybunny]

Hello
Just thought i'd drop by and say hi as i'll probably be posting in here constantly in a few months time xx

 

[Las78]

Thanks for starting this up hun, am certain I will be posting frequently in the coming weeks x

 

[Seity]

Hi! :wave:
I've been back at work for 6 weeks now. My LO doesn't sleep until 9:30 pm most nights and then gets up at 6 am. He still eats a few times a night too, so I'm tired all the time. I read about babies sleeping from 7-7 and I can't even imagine. The down side to that (if he slept at 7) would be I'd only get to see him long enough after work to bath him and feed him.

 

[Cattia]

Seity, has work got any easier, or do you resent it? I am worried I am going to resent it and be miserable. I'll be working 4 days and in theory we could just about scrape by with me on 3, but I would not be able to afford another maternity leave and we want to TTC when LO is one.

Seity, I feel your pain! Abigail wakes two or three times a night and I am trying to cut down on night feeding her but then I worry I'll never see her on days when I am working.

 

[harmonybunny]

The night waking is what i'm drading most about starting work. My LO is an awful sleeper, he's awake multiple times every evening, has never slept through and i do all the nights with him. I'm seriously sleep deprived and it's not getting any better. I'm so worried that i'm going to start work knackered and fail my year (which i have to pass!). How do you all cope with lack of sleep?

 

[Seity]

I really enjoy my work, so it's been easy to get back into it. I find I've gotten used to functioning without sleep, but I sure wouldn't mind more. I don't even drink coffee! I find that I resent having to pump vs feed my LO directly. Turns out that's due in a large part to me not being able to pump more than 2oz and we just found out this week that I haven't been producing enough breast milk and so Gabriel hasn't been gaining the weight he should have. We have to top up each of his feeds with formula now which may help him sleep better.

 

[Kaybee]

hi

I started back to work 5 mornings a week at the start of march & was hoping to continue with that until LO turned 1 in August & then review my hours then. My DH worked shifts (mostly afternoon/evenings) so LO was looked after by him & my (fabbie) mum when I was at work. 3 weeks ago my DH decided that he was going to resign to stay at home with LO & set up an internet based business so he could work from home. This meant that I HAD to return to work fulltime. (well nearly fulltime I take 1/2 hour lunch & finish at 3.30)

On the one hand I'm so glad that LO is looked after by DH & we don't have to get help from my mum (who also has a job to go to!) or childminder/nursery but on the other hand I would much rather be the one at home. I do get a bit jealous at times but remind myself at the end of the day LO is well looked after & that's what is most important.

Being back at work is not as bad as I thought it would be. Strangely its quite nice to be me for a little while each day. Going home to see my LO is the best part of work though!!

My LO doesn't sleep through either. We co-sleep so find that helps when he wakes during the night. I really don't know how I manage to function with such a lack of sleep though.

Sorry girlies that went on a bit longer than I intended!

 

[Seity]

Hi Kaybee.
I often take Gabriel into bed middle of the night too. It's so much easier to let him feed that way and I get a bit more rest too. It's been a lifesaver on night's when otherwise I might not have gotten any sleep. I much prefer our baby being raised by my husband than the thought of putting him in daycare, but I bet the house would be cleaner if I was the one at home instead

 

[harmonybunny]

I've tried taking my LO into bed and it went great for two nights then he decided to mess around and refuse to sleep. He spent hours pulling my OH's hair and kicking him in the kidneys one night! He was like, "Daddy, daddy wake up. I want to plaaaaaay!". I think i just have to face facts and accept that i just have a little monkey that hates sleep. Maybe i'll have to start drinking coffee!

 

[Cattia]

I'm too nervous to take Abigail into bed with me, I've always been scared of co-sleeping, although now she is in her own room it's harder because I actually have to move rooms to feed her. Last night DH and I had a big argument because he thought I was over-reacting about how upset I am having to go back to work. He said I make it seem as though I am never going to see her again by being so upset. It made me realise that whilst he loves her and is great with her, it's just not the same for dads, I don't think they understand the strength of the bond that we have with our LOs. I think by the end of it he did have a better understanding of how I feel and was sorry for under-estimating it but I also think he doesn't want to accept how bad I feel about it becasue he feels guilty that he deosn't earn more and that's why I am the one who has to go back to work. If I was OK with it , it would be easier for him but I can't pretend it's OK just to make him feel better.

Gosh sorry that did turn into a rant didn't it!

 

[Donna35]

Hi girls can I join in here?

I returned to work fulltime at the end of April and OH looks after JJ. I'm finding it quite easy really which I didn't expect (thought I'd be crying in the loos all day - and my boss thought so too lol) as someone else said its nice being me for a while, spending time with adults plus I love my job (which helps lol)

Doesn't hurt that I get to come home on a dinnertime to see LO either. He won't accept EBM or formula from a bottle but seems to have settled into a routine where he knows I'll be home at dinnertime and then I finish at 4.30 and live about 5minutes from work so it's not too bad. We're also weaninf ATM so hopefully he'll be eating properly soon and will drop feeds.

I co-sleep with JJ and he still wakes loads in the night - the last week he's woken even more at least 4-5 times. As someone else said you DO get used to the lack of sleep. Coffee helps me tho sometimes lol

So that's me lol sorry for rambling xxx

 

[aneageraussie]

wow i will be joining this thread.. my little girl is 2 weeks old right now.. im planning to go back to full time work mid August and she will be 3 months old by that time...
currently im expressing as well as b/f. So far all going good..
but this thread will be great to share experiences!!

 

[Cattia]

Welcome aneageraussie!

Today was my first day back DH seemed to cope OK, but it was so hard coming home and having to put her straight to bed. I just wanted to play with her and spend time with her but it was bedtime and she was tired. I can't wait until Wednesday which is my day off. I think having to work is at least going to make me appreciate even more the time I get to spend with her.

 

[Seity]

I can't imagine if Gabriel went to bed at 7pm like I see a lot of babies do. I wouldn't get to see him hardly after work. He goes to sleep at 9:30pm most nights, which gives us plenty of time together. Last night he fell asleep at 9pm and didn't get a top up bottle of formula. It made for a rough night for me because he woke every 1.5 hours to eat and then decided that 5am was a good time to start the day. I want to give him as much breast milk as possible, so I don't make bottles during the night. I had my husband get up and take him at 6am so I could get a little more sleep before work. They're both napping in the living room now and I'm about to head out the door.

 

[becstar]

Hi!

I've been back at work full time (I'm a primary teacher) since La turned 4.5 months and she stopped sleeping through at about the same time!!

La goes to bed early (7) because she can't last any longer without getting overtired and she doesn't nap well so giving her an extra nap and putting her down later doesn't work. I miss her in the evenings... but I get to see plenty of her at night because she wakes up A LOT!!!

Some nights she'll go 9 hours straight and others she wakes after 3 hours and then every couple of hours all night. The worst are those early wakings when she wakes at 4/5am and doesn't want to go back to sleep. We kind of co-sleep - we just had to put the side back on her cot (which was next to my bed so we co-slept) because she started to crawl off the bed - but once I go to bed she just stays in me after her feeds.

I do miss her... I am glad husband is with her because they have such a bond... I do feel like I'm missing out when she does things without me, like crawling for the first time properly. But I'm glad she's with one of us. We could have had me go part time and work 3 days a week if husband got a full time job but it would have meant she was in a nursery 2 days a week and on balance I'd prefer her to be with one of us all the time. Does that make me weird?

 

[Cattia]

Hi Becstar :wave: I think it is great that you can have La looked after by your family but I totally know how hard it is sacrificing your time with them, now I am back at work I know it even more! Bedtimes are the same for us, she goes down at 7 because I could not keep her up any longer without a meltdown. Tonight was parents' evening and it was the first time I have not given her an evening feed before bed I id dream feed her when I got in though, which was lovely! At least we teachers get the summer with our LOs

 

[harmonybunny]

Well, ladies i officialliy spent my first day away from LO yesterday and we all survived ! I had to visit the school i'll be teaching in next term and although i was so excited the thought of leaving my LO behind was making me feel sick. My OH dropped me at the train station and i actually thought i was going to cry but i pulled myself together, got on the train and had a great day. It felt so good to feel enthused by my career and i travelled home feeling very pleased with myself. I was met at the station by my OH and LO who greeted me with big smiles and i thought to myself, "hey, having this to come home to everyday is bliss".
Also, when i was on the train my OH sent me a pic of him and Murphy and a message that said, "We love you mummy. Have a great day, we can't wait to see you. Love, your boys". I melted lol . I know that some days will be harder than others but at least i now know that i don't have to stress. Oh and LO were fine, housework was done and long may it last lol!

 

[Seity]

That's great harmony. Sometimes we build up the separation in our head and then it turns out to not be that bad.
I've had a rubbish week. My husband's back has been bothering him all week, so the house is a mess, nothing's been cleaned. He hasn't been to the store, so there's no food either. I'm not looking forward to this weekend because it means that I'll be doing all the work that didn't get done at home this week and probably all while watching the baby too.

 

[Cattia]

Good for you harmony! I was totally dreading going back to work, I had built it into this massive awful thing that was the worst thing in the world, and whilst I would not say the first few days were easy, it was not as bad as I thought and once I was there I just got on with it. Also DH said he hadn't realised how much there is to do looking after LO and now he promises he will be more supportive; well, we'll see!