Worried about FOB

[BrokenfoREVer]

I'm not quite a single mummy yet cause my son isn't here yet. But I'm not with FOB.

Anyhoo...my worry is his constant threats...i.e. if I have my mom at the birth he will kick off, if I stop him seeing our son he will take me to court. Basically if I do anything he doesn't like he's going to take me to court. I'm going mad from the pressure here! What if my son is ill & he can't take him, I can't live with constant threats all the time!

Also...I refuse to give my son his surname, cause I don't want my son to have a different name to me. This is causing so much drama and threats & I really don't know what to do anymore.

Anyone been in this situation & can help or give advice? Thanks.

 

[tiggertiger]

you dont have to use his name and let the bully take you to cause firstly its not that bad and second the judge will bring him down a peg or two

 

[TiredNurse27]

I'd stop talking to that bully full stop, then if he wants to take you to court let him. But if he gives you any trouble in the meantime just report him to the police so theres a record of it.

Give baby you name, and have your mum there, do what makes you happy not him.

 

[LadyRoy]

Give the baby your name and tell him that.you need to concentrate on having a stress free pregnancy so he needs to back.off

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Agree with the other ladies. Don't let him bully you hunni x

 

[kirst1805]

I agree, don't let him bully you. Why will he kick off if your mum is at the birth? what difference will that make to him?

Is he going to be with you when you register LO? I'd try and avoid that personally, will save arguments in the office..

xx

 

[jocelynmarie]

I've gone through this with my FOB as well... he was hell bent on making my pregnancy as stressful as possible. (even though of course he doesn't see it that way)

His thing was using child support against me. I make a decent salary, but with the cost of day care, there is no way I can afford everything on my own. So eventually I got to the point where I said, fine.... don't pay to take care of your son and miss out on everything until the courts give you visitation (which would be a LONG time away as he's in England and I'm in the states). I still worry that he won't pay sometimes, but if thats the case, I'll move back in with my mom and we'll make it work. He'll be the one losing out on months of his son's life.

Unless you're an unfit mother, the courts won't take custody away from you. They'll give him visitation and make him pay child support (maintenance if you're from the UK) and that'll be that!

 

[Kacie]

I agree with the others... if he is doing this now and you let him, he'll just be like it forever.. it is a way of trying to control you.. don't let him.. If he takes you to court (a) it will cost him thousands of pounds and (b) they will divert it straight to mediation which will cost him more money and just waste more and more of his time.

He doesn't have to know anything about your birth plan.. just tell him after the birth when and where you would be happy for him to see the baby. And likewise he doesn't have to be registered on the BC or present at the registration so try not to worry.. My friend gave me some great advice when i was going through all these similar threats from FOB... she said "listen to whatever is on paper and let the rest go over your head".. i.e. if he has nothing official and has taken no oficial action then do not worry.. even if he pushes for court it is unlikely to get him very far in the long run.

xxxxxxx

 

[Rhio92]

What a horrible bully x

 

[lilgemsy]

I had the same with my FOB.

Men are all talk, or at least the majority of them are.
My FOB has never taken me to court after endless threats of it and tbh I doubt he ever will.
While your still pregnant have as little as possible to do with him. Stress isnt good for you or your unborn child and he needs to learn to understand that. If he doesnt then cut him off. Your health and your babies health are both SO much more important than his wants and needs.

Big hugs hun, hope it all works out ok for you and baby x