worried about my relationship

[babyjiva]

Hey lovely ladies,
The fact is I'm not wtt but I wish I were That means, I should have waited longer. We were in that limbo of wtt and ttc and here we are, pregnant! however, I think my question is more for wtt ladies because I'm thinking a lot of you have talked about this with your husbands or have thought a lot about it on your own.

The reason I wanted to WTT is because we are newly married. We've hardly spent anytime together without a child. We were together for 3 months before we got married which sounds crazy I know but we were 5 year friends (he was a celibate monk...quite the romantic story)... anyhow, I'm scared of how it will affect our relationship. I'm worried that we haven't built our relationship up, had enough fun, seen the world, enjoyed romance etc.

Am I crazy to be feeing this way? I think women get more excited about having the baby and I'm sort of just worried for him. Is that silly???

Don't get the wrong idea, I'm happy about our little one and can't wait for the due date to get here, but simply worried sick about my marriage.

 

[luckyme225]

Just know everyone has fights now and then. Let him know if something is bothering you and sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. Make time for date nights now because once the little one comes you won't be able to get out much. Be excited to be pregnant, it's a wonderful gift, and it's normal to worry about the affect a new baby will have on your relationship.

 

[Amygdala]

Try not to worry yourself too much! Your life doesn't stop because there's a baby. You can still make couples time every now and again and in a year or two you'll also be able to travel again. Maybe not backpacking across Tibet, but you can still do many exciting things. Have you spoken to your husband about your fears? I can understand why you're worried but I'm sure you'll be just fine!

 

[Damita]

Agree try not to worry, maybe talk to your husband?

 

[babyjiva]

thanks guys... especially for letting me in for wtt for a moment

I guess I just wish I was wwt again.


well, i did talk to him last night and it really helped. I asked him if this was all moving too fast, if he ever wished he were single again (because our lives have changed so much since we met and mostly not in good ways). But he said
"Being single again has never crossed my mind in any way since we met. There's a lot of unhappy things going on because of stressful times, but you and the baby are my happiness"


I really need to hear this. It was like i just kept thinking that he, like a lot of other guys, was feeling like this was all too much too soon and regretting it. but i was very wrong. He's in the full swing of family mode and now that I'm less worried, maybe I can be there too and we'll look to better times soon!

We're both unemployed because we just moved to Florida with our savings to be near family and friends---- we figured it's just us and we can live off our savings for a while, but now that he's been accepted to grad school our plans for me to teach again our out the window. he can't find a job and when he does he'll have to go to school full time while working. i've always been the breadwinner and he's always been student so i'm worried for his happiness and if he's even up for it. also, we need to find a new place to live, this one is not good for the baby.


anyone went from being breadwinner to having to take it easy and trust?

lotsa love
babyjiva's mom

 

[TattooedMama]

It is normal(and smart!!) To consider and wonder how baby will affect your relationship. It will be difficult but it will also strengthen your bond and deepen the love and respect you have for each other. Try to do things for each other now: make dinner for him or together, have a movie night out or in and try once a month at least to go out and do something you both enjoy together. Talk to him about how you feel, it could put a lot of your worries to rest. Babies don't end the fun, they just bring along a different kind of fun! And you will still be able to have time alone together when baby gets here, just not as often. Good luck and try not to worry too much!!

 

[Twinkle Baby]

I think if it feels right and it's something that you both want, then you should just go for it... it's clearly on both of your minds I've only been with my partner for 4 months. I know that everyone around me would all be like "Oh, it's too soon" ..which is why I'm not telling anyone around me (except for like my bestest bestest best friends lol) that we are "trying"... at the end of the day its your decision and if you have spoken to your partner about your concerns and he seems fine with everything then I think you should do what makes you happy.

I don't think there is ever a "right" time to have a baby though. I mean there are always gonna be problems.. whether its family problems, illnesses, money, housing... you could sit there all day long thinking of reasons why you should wait but why should you? We all get through our problems even if at the time we think we won't and I'm sure that if you had a baby you would make them number one priority and both love it more than you've ever loved anything in this world, so it's not like they would ever suffer.... I say don't worry so much and go for it.

Sorry for rambling lol

 

[Lois]

I think having a baby will affect a relationship (at least temporarily) regardless of how long the relationship has been running. In some ways it can be harder if you were together for a long time before the baby because you have such a strong sense of what it is to be just the two of you and then a third person arrives. I know a couple in their 40's who became pregnant 6 weeks after getting together, having known each other as friends for a few years. Their relationship is still going well and their LO is now 12 months old.

As someone else said, it is great that you are thinking about theimpact on your relationship and talking to your OH about it...it will really help you both to be prepared. DOn't forget to enjoy your pregnancy and look forward to all the brilliant things that having a baby will bring to you and your OH.

Lx