worried and depressed

[hanernaner24]

In short, I'm overly depressed and pretty down. I've posted before about mine and my boyfriend's situation, but I will catch those of you up that don't know. I'm currently 9 months pregnant. I'm 24. Me and my boyfriend were together for 4 months then I unexpectedly got pregnant. I was living with him in Ohio for a month for him to see where our relationship would go. (huge life change first time moving from home which was in north carolina) Then after being there I found out I was pregnant. Terrified I decided to move back to NC and he followed of course, which wasn't an issue bc he has family and friends in the same town as me. But, I was overly depressed bc I unexpectedly got pregnant and that's not how I planned my life and I have horrible anxiety and therefore, needed my family in this difficult time. My boyfriend has given me hell for relying on them so much rather than him but he hasn't tried to understand where I am coming from. I explained how emotional I was and the hormones were affecting me in a bad way and I was depressed and really needed his support and my family's as well. But, he didn't like coming over to visit my family when I was here bc he resents them bc he wants to be the one taking care of me, not them. Just made it harder on me to feel comfortable around him bc he didn't like my family being there for me so much but I needed them so bad. Anyways, this has caused many arguments throughout the entire pregnancy. He said "you left me out in the cold and havn't been there for me or made this easy on me". When all I needed from him was to understand that I was going through so much change causing depression and really needed my family and for him just to make due and be there for me and come visit me at my mother's and try to understand why I was behaving the way I was. The arguments get nowhere. He thinks im selfish. and I want to leave him but I'm terrified of what will happen when I do. I know he will be mean and defensive and make things hard on me as far as sharing the baby. and then I get anxiety bc I'm worried I ruined this poor baby's life by bringing him into a split life right when he's born and not a stable environment. I'm just really worried.

 

[mrs.ginger]

Without getting into too much detail, I just want to say that things have a way of working out. No matter what you decide as far as your relationship with him goes, you know you have the support of your family. I'm also not sure this is the best time to be making decisions about the relationship. You both are under pressure, have a ton going on and hormones always play a role. Try to relax and take care of you and baby. Just my opinion and in the end you have to do what feels right for you and baby. I wish you well!

 

[reach4stars]

I agree.. This will work itself out. But do remember that him calling you selfish and whatnot is not cool... You did what you felt you needed to for yourself and your baby. If you want to leave him then do it. I am a constant worrier and it gets me no where. Plus I think if you talk to your family they will be even more supportive if you do want to leave him. I hope he snaps out of it and gives you the support you need to get through this pregnancy. Good luck

 

[Kayley]

Hey
Sorry to hear you are going through tough times, I don't think you should make any rush decisions about your relationship not whilst you are in a dark place, you could regret it.
Your bf should try to understand more that you need your family, but also exactly how much have you shut him out? Maybe he feels like you have shunned him and from your post I picked up that he wants to be there for you and the baby and support you, maybe you need to appreciate that a bit more.
It seems like you are both at a bit of a stale mate, because he is also being very stubborn if he is not accepting your family.

Everything will work out in the end - you'll see. Good luck =)

 

[hanernaner24]

I havnt shut him out at all. He's been to ultrasounds, I let him come to my baby shower, go visit his family even when I feel uncomfortable. But he knows how important it is to me to get to know my family, especially with me being pregnant before marriage. He just feels that I should be more on his team and not care what they think about him and just rely on him completely, but I have a strong bond with my mother and brother and it's super important to me that he at least shows that he cares about my life and family and shows them he wants to be a good guy for me in my life. But he doesn't care to see them, and it hurts. It just makes it hard to rely on him when I feel like he doesn't feel like my family is important. That's just always been a big thing for me; very family oriented.

 

[Topanga053]

Have you guys considered counseling? Also, if you're deeply depressed/anxious, have you considered medication? Another idea is to consider writing letters to each other. It sounds weird, but if you can't talk about it without fighting, sometimes letters are easier because you have time to pick your words carefully and the other person can't interrupt or say things in the heat of the moment. Just a thought!

Obviously I only have the very few facts you've shared, but I can see where your boyfriend is coming from. Even if it was unplanned, you are creating a life together and he is willing to move almost across the country to be near you, but you're staying at your mothers house and using family has your primary method of support. I would feel incredibly hurt and shut out if I was him too.

I hope you guys find the solution that's best for both of you and best for the baby.

 

[moomin_troll]

He may have not thought soley about your feelings, but you haven't thought about him what so ever. So I totally understand why he's lashing out and name calling.
It may be you who's pregnant but you're both having a baby and it can just as hard on the man. And as far as he can see ur pregnant with his child and uve got up and done a runner.
If this was the mans reaction and he left his pregnant gf to go be with family for the same reasons as you have, he'd be slatted.

Coming from a single parent family won't effect a child, but cutting their dad out won't help at all