Worst fears confirmed..what now??? :-(

[babygirlhall]

Hi ladies.
I found out today at 10wks my baby had died I started bleeding yesterday and went for a scan today, it showed the baby but no heartbeat. Im devastated. I cant function.
I had no idea this could be so hard, im heart broken.
For the past couple of hours i have been having what feel like intense period pains, guess its just a waiting game now.
I wondered if anyone could offer me any advice? Im not sure what to expect now. I have been booked in for a scan on tuesday to see if baby has gone and if not im having a d&c on wednesday. Would find it really comforting to speak to someone who has been through it and find out how you are now? I did not have regular cycles before my pregnancy and used clomid to help me conceive. When is it safe to try again? Its hard because i cant just wait for my natural cycle to start. Im really confused, dont know what to do next. Feel like i need to look forward or wont be able to manage day to day.
Sorry for the long post and thanks for listening.
This is so hard
xx

 

[hollyw79]

I'm INCREDIBLY sorry that you're going through this It is the worst thing in the world and my heart goes out to you!!! I myself had a d&c and personally~ it was the BEST decision I ever could have made. I knew I was going to mc right @ 7 weeks- the day after I knew for sure, I started bleeding on my own and did for about 5 days before the surgery could be scheduled.. I didn't mc a lot in that 5 day period so the d&c was REALLY helpful- all of the cramping pretty much stopped and the bleeding was practically nothing .. plus- quite honestly- I couldn't emotionally handle "seeing" anything either so it saved me from that. I did spot for about 10 days after that.. one day of AF like bleeding- but nothing too bad.. and it really helped me start fresh- not having it drag out. The d&c in itself really wasn't bad at all either. Emotionally was the hard stuff... it DOES get better each day- It's been close to 3 months and I still cry and I still have my down days but it DOES get better! Looks like you have a really handsome little man there who will surely help you when you're feeling down! Lots of hugs!!

 

[sthorp1179]

First of all I'm very sorry that you have lost your little one and have had to come here for answers to your questions.

Did the scan show a reason why the baby died, I know when I mc a few weeks ago it was because the baby implanted too low in my womb and irritated my cervix.

You will get strong cramping pains probably and bleeding perhaps with clots or tissue. You need lots of pads, I used the extra long nighttime ones which were really good. Your bleeding might last for a few weeks, hopefully you will be able to pass the baby naturally as unpleasant as it is, it is much kinder on the lining of the womb and better for future TTC when you are ready. Emotionally, cope as best as you can, cry, vent your anger on here, try and surround yourself with family and be kind to yourself it wasn't anything you have done wrong or anything you could do to prevent a mc sometimes these things happen, death is part of life and you will feel better with time.

I started TTC again straight after my bleeding settled and I had an all clear scan, you can ask at your appointment regarding starting back on clomid etc. when you are ready and when your body is ready, shouldn't take too long.

It helps to know that so many of us have gone through this same thing and many of us are now going on to get pregnant again with healthy pregnancies. Ask anyone on here for advice as you need, we have all been there xxxx

 

[kileyjo9]

I lost my baby girl in march at 16 weeks (our last name is hall too My dr knew this would be hard on me so she scheduled my d&c for the day after we found out the baby was gone. I dont know if i could have gone through miscarrying naturally, especially with how far along i was, the baby was probably about 6 inches in length. I couldnt imagine seeing her like that. Just seeing her from the ultrasounds was hard enough.
My doctor told me I could start trying right after I got my first period, which for me was only 9 days after the procedure. It seemed like much longer than that. She had told me that it could take 4 to 6 weeks to get a period after my D&C so i guess i was one of the lucky ones. Ive heard a lot of stories about people that have conceived before they even get another period. I am now on my 2nd cycle, 6DPO and waiting to test.

Good luck with everything, so sorry for your loss
Kiley

 

[hayley_m]

im so so sorry to hear of your loss it is such a horrible thing to have to go through

although you never forget, time is a healer. I was due in 4 weeks time, so have gone a bit downhill again recently, but come july/august time, i think i will be a bit better. Although when i mc, i didnt see a way out. I couldnt bear to think of waiting even a month to try again, but time will go quick.

one thing i found comforting for me, i decorated a little box and put my pregnancy test stick in it and my scan and cards from family. making something for bean helped me get through my bad days! :')

xxxxxxxx

 

[babygirlhall]

First of all I'm very sorry that you have lost your little one and have had to come here for answers to your questions.

Did the scan show a reason why the baby died, I know when I mc a few weeks ago it was because the baby implanted too low in my womb and irritated my cervix.

You will get strong cramping pains probably and bleeding perhaps with clots or tissue. You need lots of pads, I used the extra long nighttime ones which were really good. Your bleeding might last for a few weeks, hopefully you will be able to pass the baby naturally as unpleasant as it is, it is much kinder on the lining of the womb and better for future TTC when you are ready. Emotionally, cope as best as you can, cry, vent your anger on here, try and surround yourself with family and be kind to yourself it wasn't anything you have done wrong or anything you could do to prevent a mc sometimes these things happen, death is part of life and you will feel better with time.

I started TTC again st
raight after my bleeding settled and I had an all clear scan, you can ask at your appointment regarding starting back on clomid etc. when you are ready and when your body is ready, shouldn't take too long.

It helps to know that so many of us have gone through this same thing and many of us are now going on to get pregnant again with healthy pregnancies. Ask anyone on here for advice as you need, we have all been there xxxx

Thankyou so much for your relpy. The scan was showing the baby measuring around 8/9wks so all they said was it had just stopped growing. Something wrong with the fetal development. It was when she said 'im sorry' i just broke down.
I have a d&c book for 8 days time, the bleeding is getting a little heavier and more clumpy so im think it will probably come out on its own before the d&c date arrives.
I cant describe what a god send this forum is, it gives me so much comfort.
xx

 

[babygirlhall]

I lost my baby girl in march at 16 weeks (our last name is hall too My dr knew this would be hard on me so she scheduled my d&c for the day after we found out the baby was gone. I dont know if i could have gone through miscarrying naturally, especially with how far along i was, the baby was probably about 6 inches in length. I couldnt imagine seeing her like that. Just seeing her from the ultrasounds was hard enough.
My doctor told me I could start trying right after I got my first period, which for me was only 9 days after the procedure. It seemed like much longer than that. She had told me that it could take 4 to 6 weeks to get a period after my D&C so i guess i was one of the lucky ones. Ive heard a lot of stories about people that have conceived before they even get another period. I am now on my 2nd cycle, 6DPO and waiting to test.

Good luck with everything, so sorry for your loss
Kiley

Im so sorry for your loss hun, that must have been so hard for you. I completely get that you would not want to pass a 16wk baby, that would be torture. I tried to get in for a d&c sooner but the midwife at the hospital said they were completely booked up, guess thats the nhs for you. I feel like i need to get rid (sorry i know that sounds harsh) before i can start to deal with it, i need closure.
I hope you get a good result this cycle, god knows you deserve it.
xx

 

[babygirlhall]

im so so sorry to hear of your loss it is such a horrible thing to have to go through

although you never forget, time is a healer. I was due in 4 weeks time, so have gone a bit downhill again recently, but come july/august time, i think i will be a bit better. Although when i mc, i didnt see a way out. I couldnt bear to think of waiting even a month to try again, but time will go quick.

one thing i found comforting for me, i decorated a little box and put my pregnancy test stick in it and my scan and cards from family. making something for bean helped me get through my bad days! :')

xxxxxxxx

Sorry for your loss hun. That is such a lovely idea, i think i will do the same. Sadly i never had a pic of my baby. I think i will go out and buy a teddy or something as a keepsake.
xx

 

[Jaz_]

Didnt want to just read an go, I am so sorry for your loss, its so so sad, i think hayley_m is right time is a great healer and this is probably wot you need, grieving is very important with any sort of loss you need to accept before you can move on.

A girl i work with was preg just a little after me told everyone in the office and at bout 10/12 weeks she had a miscarriage i often wonder how she copes day to day as theres 2 of us pregnant close to her an she's doin really well.

Wish you all the best an hope you feel better soon xxx

 

[becstar]

I'm so sorry. I had a mmc with blighted ovum in march and it was so hard... I opted for the erpc in the end although I started bleeding the day before and was glad I chose it. My cramping stopped immediately from when I woke up.

I am sorry this happened to you.

 

[hayley_m]

awww thats a lovely idea!
but if you would like a scan, i think they have to put a copy on your medical record. it took me over a month to finally get a copy of mine, but glad i persisted :')
will be thinkin of you :'(
xxxxxxx

 

[Ozziemum]

Hay, i just wanted you to know i am thinking of you.

I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks (this happened 7 weeks ago) i went for my 12 week scan (i had some bleeding prior to this so was nervous anyways) and got told the same as you, they could see the baby but it had no heartbeat and had died at around 9 1/2 to 10 weeks, so i had been carrying my poor little one around for over two weeks with no sign of a miscarriage. I opted to have a D & C done 2 days later as i honestly didn't think i would be able to cope with the trauma of miscarrying naturally and this was a good choice for me.

I felt like i had died inside for about a week, and then i slowly started to feel better, some days more than others. I went back to work quite quickly to take my mind off things too. Probably the hardest thing for me was that alot of people knew so i had to face everyone afterwards which was really upsetting.

I had a light AF exactly a month after my D & C and am now on what i think is my first cycle, although i am having issues with working out when i am ovulating so i would suggest you use OPK's as i wish i had this cycle.

Sending you bigs hugs, this is a terrible time for you but you will get through it i promise. xx

 

[sthorp1179]

When I passed my baby's sac my husband buried it wrapped in tissue in our flower garden and I went and bought a little statue of a sleeping angel to mark the place. I go and sit with him (I always felt boy) and see him sleeping around all the flowers and I feel better knowing although he didn't make it to being born he is still here with us and I still remember him.

You will feel better it just takes time to heal your heart and you have a healthy son so you know you can make a healthy baby it just wasn't meant to be this time xxxx