Worst part of LTTC? People assuming you're a mess

[TrixieLox]

Gosh, I haven't been on here for ages, I used to use this alllll the time back in 2007 / 8, how it's changed!

ANYWAY, just needed to rant and thought of you guys! This might not apply to many of you but despite TTCing for nearly five years now, including 2 failed IVF rounds, I somehow manage not to let it get me too down. It's just always been my nature, looking on the bright side and not allowing myself to feel down about things I can't control. On the TTC side, I've always wondered if it's cos I have other passions (writing) and an active life beyond starting a family?

Of course I HAVE had dark times, no denying. But in the main, I try to stay bright.

But you know what gets to me the most? People assuming I'm a mess and even when I tell them I'm coping with it, they don't believe me and think I'm keeping it bottled up.

BIG example of this is when people get pregnant, especially now siblings and step-siblings are getting pregnant. It's never got to me. I may be in the minority with this! But while there's always that little sting of sadness, mainly I'm happy for anyone who gets pregnant. But my god, I hate the stuff that comes with it: the sad pitying looks over the dinner table when it's announced, the hushed 'I just heard about xxxxxx being pregnant, you must be really down about it?'

NO, I'M NOT!

I know it's well-meaning but it just makes me feel uncomfortable and makes me think no-one believes me when I say really, it's fine. I even had a close friend say she's gonna delay TTCing until I get pregnant so I don't feel upset and left out. What the...? As I told her, it's very sweet of her but she might be waiting for a lifetime and damn it, I WANT her to have a kid soon so I can play a part in its life!

Am I in the minority here? x

 

[tamithomas]

I can't say I can relate because I am someone who does get down a lot about LTTC, 3 years for me. I can understand your frustrations but many LTTC'ers would give anything to have family that is that concerned for their infertile family members. Not saying you don't have any right to feel the way you do lol you most certainly do but it's just strange to hear someone complain about something that most LTTC'ers never get to experience which is understandable friends and family. But as far as your friend, I'll agree she's pushing it, kinda strange actually lol.

Sending you lots of baby dust, have a good one xoxoxoxoxo

 

[aintlifegrand]

I think its great that you don't let it get you down, I wish I was the same way! I think the "sad" looks are just part of LTTTC, I'm used to it.

 

[Armywife84]

That's great it doesn't get you down! Maybe you've found inner peace. It also sounds as if you have a lot of support when it comes to IF.

Many of us that feel down about LTTC deal with a lot of hassle, insensitive comments, and little to 0 support on a daily basis. If I had more of physical support (I love my virtual ) then I would be a Positive Patty as well.

I'll sit in my dark corner for now and sulk about LTTC...until I get a (Pfftt!) or inner peace. I don't mind being a bitter cow at all.

 

[mammag]

I AM a mess, and pretend I'm not when everyone in my family keeps popping babies out every 14 seconds!! But it's awesome that you are handling it so well. I sure wish I could!!

 

[beegray]

I'm a mess because I've been a failure at most things in my life and this is just yet another thing to add to my list! So frustrating because it's something that women are created to do!!!!! Yet even our body's fail us. stupid body!!!! When it comes to family, I am kinda lucky in the sense that I have two older siblings and my sister is married with three and already popped them out a while ago, the last one was during my ttc but it wasn't so bad. My sis never flaunted her pg and i live quite far so i never really got to see her. Was excited when my last nephew came actually! My brother's fiance walked out on him a few months back, no sorry no explanation, nothing just packed up and left. and only now got into a relationship again. He deserves a child and would be over the moon about it. My DH is the eldest of his siblings, my SIL is 22 and would be too scared to open her legs (very innocent and naive, finds the thought of bding gross and embarasing) and youngest brother who is still in school and is a very mature young man, understands consequences of certain things and also has DH to watch over him. So family sense i am lucky. Friends as well, 90% of my close friends aren't married and my married friends (our best friends) are only now starting to think about ttc and she will have issues as it is already has issues so i would be over the moon for them if they fell pregnant quickly!!!! But there are people that i know that are pregnant and it drives me mental to see them.

 

[Sophe]

Gosh, I haven't been on here for ages, I used to use this alllll the time back in 2007 / 8, how it's changed!

ANYWAY, just needed to rant and thought of you guys! This might not apply to many of you but despite TTCing for nearly five years now, including 2 failed IVF rounds, I somehow manage not to let it get me too down. It's just always been my nature, looking on the bright side and not allowing myself to feel down about things I can't control. On the TTC side, I've always wondered if it's cos I have other passions (writing) and an active life beyond starting a family?

Of course I HAVE had dark times, no denying. But in the main, I try to stay bright.

But you know what gets to me the most? People assuming I'm a mess and even when I tell them I'm coping with it, they don't believe me and think I'm keeping it bottled up.

BIG example of this is when people get pregnant, especially now siblings and step-siblings are getting pregnant. It's never got to me. I may be in the minority with this! But while there's always that little sting of sadness, mainly I'm happy for anyone who gets pregnant. But my god, I hate the stuff that comes with it: the sad pitying looks over the dinner table when it's announced, the hushed 'I just heard about xxxxxx being pregnant, you must be really down about it?'

NO, I'M NOT!

I know it's well-meaning but it just makes me feel uncomfortable and makes me think no-one believes me when I say really, it's fine. I even had a close friend say she's gonna delay TTCing until I get pregnant so I don't feel upset and left out. What the...? As I told her, it's very sweet of her but she might be waiting for a lifetime and damn it, I WANT her to have a kid soon so I can play a part in its life!

Am I in the minority here? x

Yeah it annoys me, like people with no kids have no life, when infact its the opposite, you find other things that componsate don't you.. anyway i want MY baby not theirs... i don't want their baby, don't know what they are thinking sometimes..

 

[Just_married]

Gosh, I haven't been on here for ages, I used to use this alllll the time back in 2007 / 8, how it's changed!

ANYWAY, just needed to rant and thought of you guys! This might not apply to many of you but despite TTCing for nearly five years now, including 2 failed IVF rounds, I somehow manage not to let it get me too down. It's just always been my nature, looking on the bright side and not allowing myself to feel down about things I can't control. On the TTC side, I've always wondered if it's cos I have other passions (writing) and an active life beyond starting a family?

Of course I HAVE had dark times, no denying. But in the main, I try to stay bright.

But you know what gets to me the most? People assuming I'm a mess and even when I tell them I'm coping with it, they don't believe me and think I'm keeping it bottled up.

BIG example of this is when people get pregnant, especially now siblings and step-siblings are getting pregnant. It's never got to me. I may be in the minority with this! But while there's always that little sting of sadness, mainly I'm happy for anyone who gets pregnant. But my god, I hate the stuff that comes with it: the sad pitying looks over the dinner table when it's announced, the hushed 'I just heard about xxxxxx being pregnant, you must be really down about it?'

NO, I'M NOT!

I know it's well-meaning but it just makes me feel uncomfortable and makes me think no-one believes me when I say really, it's fine. I even had a close friend say she's gonna delay TTCing until I get pregnant so I don't feel upset and left out. What the...? As I told her, it's very sweet of her but she might be waiting for a lifetime and damn it, I WANT her to have a kid soon so I can play a part in its life!

Am I in the minority here? x

I can relate a little, only tried for 14 months but got a FB message a few days ago from friend who pm me about her pregnancy saying she had wanted to tell me in person and was sorry if I had heard from FB comments on her page and said she wasnt trying for long but even that felt like an eternity and as she knew I was TTC would I like to meet up so I could talk about things. Yes that's very sensitive but a wee bit ott as I don't think I've ever come across to anybody outside bnb as being upset/stressed/needing to talk to someone etc.

Guess I should be thankful for friends like that but being quite a private person I felt a wee bit patronised x

 

[tamithomas]

Gosh, I haven't been on here for ages, I used to use this alllll the time back in 2007 / 8, how it's changed!

ANYWAY, just needed to rant and thought of you guys! This might not apply to many of you but despite TTCing for nearly five years now, including 2 failed IVF rounds, I somehow manage not to let it get me too down. It's just always been my nature, looking on the bright side and not allowing myself to feel down about things I can't control. On the TTC side, I've always wondered if it's cos I have other passions (writing) and an active life beyond starting a family?

Of course I HAVE had dark times, no denying. But in the main, I try to stay bright.

But you know what gets to me the most? People assuming I'm a mess and even when I tell them I'm coping with it, they don't believe me and think I'm keeping it bottled up.

BIG example of this is when people get pregnant, especially now siblings and step-siblings are getting pregnant. It's never got to me. I may be in the minority with this! But while there's always that little sting of sadness, mainly I'm happy for anyone who gets pregnant. But my god, I hate the stuff that comes with it: the sad pitying looks over the dinner table when it's announced, the hushed 'I just heard about xxxxxx being pregnant, you must be really down about it?'

NO, I'M NOT!

I know it's well-meaning but it just makes me feel uncomfortable and makes me think no-one believes me when I say really, it's fine. I even had a close friend say she's gonna delay TTCing until I get pregnant so I don't feel upset and left out. What the...? As I told her, it's very sweet of her but she might be waiting for a lifetime and damn it, I WANT her to have a kid soon so I can play a part in its life!

Am I in the minority here? x

I can relate a little, only tried for 14 months but got a FB message a few days ago from friend who pm me about her pregnancy saying she had wanted to tell me in person and was sorry if I had heard from FB comments on her page and said she wasnt trying for long but even that felt like an eternity and as she knew I was TTC would I like to meet up so I could talk about things. Yes that's very sensitive but a wee bit ott as I don't think I've ever come across to anybody outside bnb as being upset/stressed/needing to talk to someone etc.

Guess I should be thankful for friends like that but being quite a private person I felt a wee bit patronised x

I can understand about feeling patronized but you should definitely feel thankful for having such compassionate friends like. millions of us would do anything just to have one person a tenth of that sensitivity

 

[tamithomas]

*like that.