worst thing ever..

[joanneNbabyx]

hey everyone i havent told anyone this ever so its hard for me to say, but i need advice.

well i have a bf and ive been with him for two years and a few months. i thought our realationship was perfect at the start, but it wasnt, he lied to me a few times. Like one time he went out with his friends and i was on the phone with him and lied and said the girls in the background were his cousins, but they were really girls that his mates brought along. and his lied to me a few times about things like that. and every lie made me fall out if love.
as the months went by we had HEAPS of problems and arguments. and we broke up heaps of times. and this one time was a few months ago we broke up and it had been weeks later and i thought, no this is for real, we are never gonna be back together. so then i went parties and such. and at one party i cant remember a thing!!all i remember was drinking what my mate was drinking and a few things here and there but thats it. about a week or more later i really missed my ex and coz we had recently been trying for a baby before we broke up, and i hadnt done a test. i did one and it was positive. so i called him and we both were real exited!

but the thing is doc told me last week that my due date is a little more than a week later. and theres a problem!coz that was roughly around the time of the party!!so it could not be my boyfriends!!and who knows what i could have done at the party!!but im not exactly sure if its his or not coz i dont know the exact dates. but theres a possibility its not his. but the worse thing is that my bf is suicidal!! ive had to stop him physically soo many times. but some people say for his life's sake i shouldnt tell him. but the thing is. i dont really love him anymore.

anyone got advice?

 

[MrS. MaBrEy]

if he is suicidal he needs help. you need to tell someone he trusts and get him the real help he needs. you have a child on the way and that is the most important thing for you right now.
as for dates, there is no way to actually tell exactly when you got pregnant. you may go back in 2 weeks and they could move your date sooner, or farther away. you will just have to wait until the baby is born and get a paternity test.

 

[DazedConfused]

First of all and congrats on your little girl

What a tough situation to be in! He needs help that you can't give if he's suicidal love, you need to take care of yourself right now and stressing about him can't help.
If you don't love him anymore then either leave him or get some couples counseling? Maybe there are some fixable problems that you can work through. But it's your situation so you and only you know how it feels.

Don't worry about the paternity of baby until after the birth, there's no real way of knowing until then.

I hope you feel good xxxx

 

[lauram_92]

i have a situation sort of like yours. me and my ex were together just over a year and we broke up, the last time i seen him was the 14th to the 16th of may. (when we were together) then i cheated on him (yeah i am a bitch, but things were bad and i knew it was the end) on the 5th of june.. we broke up, then i found out i was pregnant. i told him there was a chance the baby wasn't his.. (when he angered me enough..)
then i had my first scan on the 5th of july and it said the baby was nine weeks and three days. so i assume it has to be my ex's?
my twelve and twenty weeks dates all pretty much matched up.. anyway, fob and his family want nothing to do with me or my son..

 

[Burchy314]

First off I am really sorry you are going through this. Could you possibly ask the people that were at the party what happend? Maybe someone remembers seeing you the whole time and you never did anything, then there wouldn't be anything to worry about. It is worth a shot. If you are still worried it may not be his then you will have to wait when the baby comes and do a paternity test. If the kid isn't his I would tell him because it would be a lot worse if he found out from someone else, or didn't find out for years. Also like everyone else has said...if he is suicidal he needs real help.

Also if you really don't love him anymore then either talk to him about it and try an work through it with counseling or just end it. It depends on how you feel and if you want things to be fixed or not.

 

[rubixcyoob.]

Congrats on your little girl, but cmon, first you say you don't remember what happened and the next you say the baby may not be his. You either remember sleeping with someone else or you don't and ask if you did. Not make presumptions that are life changing.

Do you tell him? Yes, you do. Wouldn't you hate bringing up, falling in love with and raising a child only for someone in the future to snatch them away and say "no, shes mines!"? It might not be what he wants to hear, but the sooner he knows the truth, the better, if youlie to him for 9 months it will make it so much harder on him. You say you don't love him, that doesn't mean you break his heart about the paternity of his child. Not loving him means you shouldn't be scared of breaking up with him if you tell him. Do the decent thing.

His suicidal tendencies are another matter all together. Tell someone who can do something - his parents, a therapist, someone at school/collegel/university, a doctor, anyone who can get him help basically. He needs treatment and therapy for this to get to the route cause. Yet this shouldn't deter you from telling him the truth, because if he finds out there may be a reason to doubt the paternity of your child, it will be 100% worse.

Before you do anything - find out what happened that night though, and if you can't, I would tell him you went to a party and got wasted, so much so that you have no memory of the night and you think there is a small chance the baby may not be his. At least if prepares him for the worst.