Would appreciate some advice

[shirlls]

I was wondering if I could get some advice about something.

A friend of mine who lives a distance away is getting married in a couple of weeks. A few months ago she text me asking what our rsvp was. I hadn't received the invitation in the post so I replied telling her this but to count us in as we were planning to go (she had previously verbally told me the date and told me to keep it free). A few days ago I text her asking what the times, etc were as I hadn't got the invitation to tell me. She replied and told me the times and info, however we were unaware we were getting an evening invitation and not the full day.

Here is the thing...she is getting married somewhere 2 hours away from us and somewhere really remote. OH and I don't drive and we were planning to get there by citylink buses and take taxi back to the nearest train station which is nearly £40 (as the last bus passes at 6pm).

If we go, we would only be there a couple of hours and it isn't that we are cheapskates but we aren't very well off and have twins on the way. In total, it is going to cost us £60 just to get there and back and it involves, buses, taxis and then 2 trains to get home which will take a couple of hours in itself. I am also pregnant with twins at the moment and full of aches and pains so I am having real reservations about going. Not that I don't want to go or see my friend but I just don't think it is going to be justifiable.

This girl was at our wedding and was invited to the whole day and that coupled with fact she told me to keep the day free ages ago is why we didn't think to ask if we were being invited to the whole day or evening only, we just assumed it was the whole day. I think I also thought that as she knew we hadn't received the invitation and she had been to our full wedding that she would have told me it was just the evening we were being invited to. I am not pushing the blame on to her, I am only pointing out why we made this wrong assumption.

So basically, I want advice on how to tell her we won't be going and not cause offence. I don't want to make it sound like we are saying 'it isn't worth it for her', and I feel if I tell the truth about the misunderstanding it is going to look like we are throwing our toys out the pram because we only are invited to the evening even if we say it isn't. Can anyone think of the best way to go about this is?

 

[lilyd]

Is there anyone else going who lives near you that could offer a lift?

As much as I understand what you are saying, I think she may well be offended. However you dress it, you are basically saying that you only think it's worth going/spending the money if you go for the whole day.

Could you go on your own for a couple of hours so that it doesn't cost as much?

 

[shirlls]

Is there anyone else going who lives near you that could offer a lift?

As much as I understand what you are saying, I think she may well be offended. However you dress it, you are basically saying that you only think it's worth going/spending the money if you go for the whole day.

Could you go on your own for a couple of hours so that it doesn't cost as much?

Sadly no, as I don't know many of her other friends and most are travelling from where she lives (not near us).

If I went on my own it would only be a little cheaper and it isn't all the money, it is the distance for being there for that short time and fact I am pregnant with twins. It's not that I feel she isn't worth it, it just all seems pointless for such a short time just to spare someones feelings.

 

[Baby Bell]

Why not explain that as your bumps grown you've become more exhausted than anticipated, and don't think that you would manage that much travelling as you had previously thought you would?

 

[cookette]

Honestly, in a scenario like this, I see no problem in just "blaming" it on the twins.

 

[CarlyP]

I would also use your pregnancy, just explain how exhausted you are carrying 2 babies, etc.

 

[Sambatiki]

I think I would also say that you're feeling pretty rubbish. Its sad that you're not able to go. Could you suggest you meet up after the wedding and she could show you all the photos. I know after my wedding I felt pretty flat so it was lovely when someone asked to see the pictures x

 

[cherrylips100]

Honestly, I don't think it is worth it either and I can understand you not wanting to go far when you're pregnant. Just blame sickness or exhausation if you feel awkward saying so.

 

[smileyfaces]

I would just say:

"Hi I feel so embarrassed, I had assumed that we were coming to the whole wedding and not just the evening and being pregnant with the twins we were actually planning on leaving a few hours earlier so we weren't travelling late (seeing as though its so far!). So as it stands now, with the arrangements for travel we will only actually be able to spend an hour or so there (and it will tale two hours travelling!) and so I sincerely hope you can understand our decision not to come along. It would be too much for me with the twins."

 

[sparkle_1979]

I'd feel the same way an use the pregnancy as to why you can't make it x

 

[Wriggley]

Id feel the same too - im inclined to agree with smilyfaces on this one (but then again i speak my mind and am very upfront and all our friends and family know this so wouldnt take offense)

honestly if i was your friend id be miffed at being told you were not coming because of your pregnancy when previously you had agreed. but id be very understanding of the actual reason of it not being a whole day invite and all that travelling and money

hope you manage to sort it

 

[emyandpotato]

Id feel the same too - im inclined to agree with smilyfaces on this one (but then again i speak my mind and am very upfront and all our friends and family know this so wouldnt take offense)

honestly if i was your friend id be miffed at being told you were not coming because of your pregnancy when previously you had agreed. but id be very understanding of the actual reason of it not being a whole day invite and all that travelling and money

hope you manage to sort it

This exactly. The pregnancy thing alone would be quite transparent to me, and I'd be a bit pissed off. Honesty is usually best in situations like this!

 

[Bernie]

If you were going for the whole day then yeah maybe so but even still thats alot of hassel if your not staying in a hotel over night. Ive got OH family coming to our wedding for the whole day who live 2-3 hrs away and they are staying over night in a hotel near by other wise wouldnt be worth it for them. You would be spending more time traveling and it would be costing you aswell and being pregnant with twins. I agree with whats been said either tell her your exhausted. Or be honest with her and tell her you thought you were invited for the day as she told you to keep the day free which you have and traveling there and back which would be 4 hrs just to go to the evening would be to much travelling what with being pregnant with twins. If she gets upset with you being honest then she isnt a good friend.x