would be really grateful for some advice :(

[angels330]

i posted a little while ago and just want to say thank you to those that have given me some really helpful advice. however i seem to have a hit a dead end again basically my now ex is still refusing to acknowledge the existence of his child, i have had repeated warnings not to put his name on the bc and more nasties like that.. and me and my mum composed a letter to his mum as we agreed they had a right to know. that was more than a week ago and have had no response. i cant believe for a second his mum would ignore something like this, not least because i know her well and shes not that type of person. i have no way of telling if she actually received it or not - mum thinks he intercepted it but who knows. Im just stuck in a downer yet again as i dont know where to turn now. i dont know whether i should try and get their number or just leave it be.. do i bother to tell my ex when the baby is born? even if he has expressed he has no feelings towards "it" and told me he didnt want to know when she is born? what gets me the most is that when we first discussed this (when we were still together) he said whatever happens he could never not be involved. would really appreciate any advice in this matter as i only get biased opinions from my close family xx

 

[thelilbump]

Hey, want to send u some I don't really kno what to say. If u think his mum wouldn't ignore such a thing then perhaps he did intercept the letter as u suspect. Could u not go round at some point with your mum aswell? Ur prob better off with out him, i mean if he turned round now and said he was interested would u want him around? What if he decides when your LO is 6 months or a year old that he's had enough and wanders off again, what would you do then? When your LO is old enough and asking about his dad you can explain. Hope u come to some conclusion

 

[Pyrrhic]

Write another letter, and this time send it by recorded delivery so it has to be signed for.

 

[thelilbump]

Write another letter, and this time send it by recorded delivery so it has to be signed for.

anyone could sign for it though as long as they in the household. Guess though u can see who signed for it online so you will kno who received it.

 

[angels330]

, i mean if he turned round now and said he was interested would u want him around?

i have thought about it very carefully and ive decided that he has had enough chances to be responsible and he has let us down every time, as far as being involved is concerned hes lost that chance, i will just have be honest with lo as she grows up. i dont want to be in a situation like you said, where he is in and out when he pleases. thanks for your advice xx

 

[nightkd]

I'd try and get the number and give his mum a ring. I mean, if you feel the grandparents would want to know, make extra sure she received the letter if anything.

He sounds very irresponsible and I'm sure you and baby will be very happy without him. I'd worry it would cause more upset for your child to have a dad around for the first year or something and to lose him then..

Good luck whatever you do

 

[Sarah-Jane]

, i mean if he turned round now and said he was interested would u want him around?

i have thought about it very carefully and ive decided that he has had enough chances to be responsible and he has let us down every time, as far as being involved is concerned hes lost that chance, i will just have be honest with lo as she grows up. i dont want to be in a situation like you said, where he is in and out when he pleases. thanks for your advice xx

I'll tell you something hun, you've got your head screwed on
You and your LO are seriously better off without him, I know it's your choice but as everyone else has said, it will be easier to get rid now instead of when your LO is older because she will start asking questions once the bond has been built and it will be too much of a loss for her if her walks out.
Like you said, explain to your daughter when she's older and she will understand that you did it for her and she will thank-you for it.
I think his parents need to hear it from you though (incase they didn't get the letter for whatever reason) try and get the phone number and arrange a time to go round or for them to come round to you (without him) and explain everything. You seem to know them really well so I'm sure they will support you and understand what you're doing (doubt they will turn their back on you and their grandchild).
You seem really strong and it will always be easier as you seem to have your mums support. I know everything will work out for you and your little girl, with or without your ex. Good luck hun xxxxxx

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

I also think that your baby will be better off without a dad like that in her life as long as you're willing to be honest with her as she grows up. And i'd suggest maybe trying to get the number to let his mum know, or possibly going around to their house with your mum to inform them and hopefully they will want to be involved. Well done you for being so strong

 

[gemma24uk]

could you not get someone to hand it to his mum hunny ?

 

[17 and scared]

Write another letter, and this time send it by recorded delivery so it has to be signed for.

i agree, i think he may have intercepted in it as i think as a grandmother she would have replied.

i would like to give yew a big however for yah bravery and i think u shud just wait and see how he comes out insted ov bothering him with it. and if when the baby is born and he STIL wants nufink 2 dew with it,, turn in to a cold hearted female and get CSA involved. and claim Child Neglect! u'll soon see how quick he comes running with his excuses.(,'')

 

[angels330]

thanks for all your support and hugs, much appreciated i still think his parents should know but am just going to wait till lo is born and try and get in contact with them via phone - have tried to find out their number but i dont think theyre listed in the phone book! will be sad if it has to resort to getting outside people in for child support etc..but if thats how it has to be, so be it! thankyou again xx

 

[enigma]

You could take a selfish approach to it, he wants nothing to do with the baby, so dont involve him atall.
In the future you will find someone that wants you and wants to be a dad to your baby, it would be alot easier if there was no one else involved and it was you making all the decisions.
Its can be messy when there are opinions flying from every direction.

You dont have to put him on the birth certificate (easier when you find someone who wants to be dad) and dont involve him in any choises that have to be made for your baby (easier when you only have yourself to argue with)

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Bear in mind though that should you decide to go through the CSA to claim child support from him (which you are 100% entitled to do) it will be a lot more difficult/maybe not possible if his name isn't on the birth certificate. xx

 

[Kirsty10x]

it seems like u and the baby will be better off without him .. although if u think the grandparents would like to know then u should tell them. y dont u go to their door wen u know he isnt home? or hand deliver the letter?

 

[17 and scared]

<a href="https://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/"><img src="https://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev107pr___.png" alt="pregnant" border="0" /></a>

 

[17 and scared]

<a href="https://daisypath.com"><img src="https://da.daisypath.com/EnVAp1.png" alt="Daisypath Next Aniversary Ticker" border="0" /></a>

 

[nightkd]

* Umm, if you're trying to do a ticker, you want the code that starts with (think that's it..I get so confused with all the damn coding... :P)

There's a testing forum on the main b&b page aswell.. *

CSA can be utter crap so I'd try and sort it out between you first..

 

[codex]

You can not force someone to care unfortunately. My BF has a son that his dad did the same thing to. He has not paid any support or seen the child. It's sad that there are people like that. Hang in there and just love that little baby as much as you can. Maybe one day he will come around. One piece of advice is do not ever talk bad about him or his family to the child when he/she is older. They will figure out on their own that their parent was a dead beat and will not hate you (thinking you drove them away).

Big to you

 

[amyblackstone]

Honey,

First of all, a big hug and congrats on having a baby!

Now off to the serious part. You should most definitely let his parents know. You could get their number from a telephone directory, and ask your Mom to call them and set up a time to meet.

Then go there with your Mom and explain the situation.

If they refuse to meet, send a registered letter to them, and keep a copy and the receipt as proof with you.

Also, I strongly suggest you talk to a lawyer because you are entitled to child support from your ex. That would really serve him right and teach him not to repeat this in the future. You really should do this.

Love,
Amy.

 

[xarlenex]

I would definately try and get their number. It might be too emotional for you to actually stop by. It doesnt really sound like LO's father is worth the hassle to be honest. It wouldnt be fair on the baby to have someone in and out her life as well.

I really hope things improve soon xx