would my 17 month old beallowed to be at the birth ?

[casann]

I'm hoping for a home birth but still haven't completely made my mind up yet or know if i will have to go into hospital . We have noone to look after my son so if i do end up in hospital for whatever reason will he be allowed to come ? Otherwise i'll have to leave him with my OH and go in on my own which terrifies me as A i've never been away from my son and B i don't wan to give birth on my own or have Craig over 40 min away . x

 

[casann]

Obviously i wouldn't want him in the room if i was screaming or if something traumatic would happen but it would be a comfort for me to know they were near . I'm just so scared of doing by myself. However with Oscar i did the whole thing silently and basically pain killer free and epidural didn't work and i couldn't stand gas and air and i was induced and having double very intense contractions and had to lie on my back the whole time which also makes the pain worst so it shouldn't be bad for him to be around at all and i want a water birth this time so should be a lot more relaxed .x

 

[Mummy~L]

I think you would have to check your hospitals policy as I think it varies from each one. Just ask your midwife and she should be able to let you know what you can do xx

 

[Tegans Mama]

In short - probably not. I know in my 2 local hospitals they have a no children policy. Plus your labour may be long and painful - where will your LO sleep etc?

 

[winegums]

Most hospitals will not allow it...

If you have a home birth he can be there but it may make it harder for you to relax and concentrate and the midwives to do their job!

Though at home you could always put him in his cot with a couple of toys maybe let him have a little nap etc....

If you go to the hospital can you not have a babysitter on standby or a childminder? xxx

 

[casann]

We don't have anyone to watch him at all . All our family are long distance . Looks like i'm doing it alone if i don't have a home birth . Lets hope i don't have to be induced again or that ther's no complications x

 

[winegums]

you can hire a local babysitter ... meet them in advance etc - go on a website like netmums.co.uk they have people registered with ofsted, crb checked etc

 

[casann]

I've never left Oscar before and i know that leaving would cause a lot of anxiety for me during the birth and guilt i'd rather do it alone then worry about him but thank you so much for the advice . x

 

[PeanutBean]

You've got quite a few weeks left yet, if I were you I'd look into a babysitter or a willing friend and spend some time with get to know you sessions in the run up to the birth so that they will be on hand to take care of him. I'm also planning a homebirth and want my son with me. My MW agreed with me on this and said she thinks it's very important siblings get to see mum and baby asap. But you still might need to be transferred so someone you can call would be good. NO way would I go through it alone!

Why don't you check out the home and natural birthing section too (if you aren't already)? We're all facing similar sorts of issues.

 

[secretbaby]

Our hospital never used to even allow children up on the wards (it is now own children only) due to the risk from chilhood infections, and I think with delivery the potential trauma to the child - our delivery suite is always very noisey (last pregnancy I was on there four different times and one time the noise a lady was making was scaring me!)

I would definitely go for the babysitter option, especially if you have time to find someone and get your son used to them, and you comfortable with leaving him with them.

 

[MustangGTgirl]

I think that you should not have a child in the room while you are giving birth. It would be very tramatic for a child.

 

[PeanutBean]

Why should it be traumatic for a child to see his or her sibling arrive into the world in the natural way we all get here? Maybe if there were complications with the delivery but there's no reason to assume that would be the case.

 

[casann]

Why should it be traumatic for a child to see his or her sibling arrive into the world in the natural way we all get here? Maybe if there were complications with the delivery but there's no reason to assume that would be the case.

Thank you and like i said i had a very painful but basically natural birth and i didn't make a noise but of course if there was any chance of him being traumatised i would of had my OH take him straight out and home . Childminder idea is a really good idea but like i said i just wouldn't feel relaxed enough to do and we don't have any friends up here as i moved up to be with my fiance and now he's started work and things he's grown very much apart from all of his friends . I'm just praying that we won't end up in hospital . Really do have my heart set on a home waterbirth but there is always that chance x

 

[PeanutBean]

Exactly. If things take a turn for the worse you'll have a back-up plan in place but there's no reason to assume that you'll have anything other than another natural birth. I'm of the opinion that it's good for children to see their siblings born and see the natural processes involved. I don't see any reason why childbirth should be traumatic for a child onlooker but if the child did seem distressed then obviously something would be done about that. I suspect it's more likely to be boring for them! Hours of mum wincing and moaning, boring!

 

[special_kala]

I think a hospital birth would be to intense for a young child. Where would they eat, sleep or play? It wouldnt be fair on the child, MW or other people in labour really.

A HB would be completely different. If all goes well with ours River will be accompanied by someone at all times whether that be my OH or best friend of SIL. I will probably labour downstairs and River would have upstairs to play whatever but we plan on involving her as much as we can during the birth.

 

[PeanutBean]

I agree Kala but I don't think any hospitals would allow children there anyway so I didn't think that was really a point of discussion. Blimey I wouldn't want Byron to have seen my experience last time! (I suppose technically he did though )

 

[special_kala]

Im hoping having River there will stop me from getting worked up and ill have to control myself iykwim

 

[special_kala]

My niece bless her saw her mum in labour in the car to the hospital (she was 10cm when we got there!) and we sat in waiting room as baby would be there soon and some woman was screaming her head off, poor niece looked petrified.

Saying that i was 27 weeks pregnant and after hearing that i was a bit scared too lol

 

[PeanutBean]

lol I'd be scared listening to it from outside the room with no idea of what was going on. I think being there and being able to see and reassured with a smile from mum in between contractions would be much less scary. Bit moralistic probably but I think it's a good lesson for kids too, both in how it actually happens and that pain isn't necessarily bad and we have to go through these things sometimes in order to get something good. I think the age matters too. An older child might be more afraid because they better understand the concept of pain, a little child might even just laugh. I always remember my mum telling me how my nephew as a toddler was in hysterics as our poor old dog had fits before she died.

 

[superbecks]

I'm a student midwife based in a hospital in west yorkshire.....a lady and her husband once brought their 2 year old child in to the delivery room and the dad got sent home with her. The mum had to deliver with just me and the midwife. I agree that a home birth is different and your son would be in his own surroundings but in a hospital it is different. Hope you get your home birth xx