Would really appreciate some advice from you ladies!

[RosieandAlan]

Well i'm 35 weeks pregnant and FOB just told me 'he doesn't love me, doesn't want a baby with me, wishes i'd had an abortion or that i'd cheated on him so that she wasn't his, and apparently i've ruined his life because he can't be a normal 21 year old and go out and get drunk with his friends.'
We've been together for 2 years and lived together for 1, we both go to uni and he's the only support i have living down here because my family are miles away and my uni friends aren't exactly interested in a boring pregnant person.
I have had to put up with his SHIT since i found out i was pregnant when i was on the pill, and he's always saying nasty things to me because he resents me for not having an abortion. I just always say to myself that he'll change as soon as he see's her and i should just hold out until then, but i am so sick of being walked all over. I think i convinced myself everything will be okay, and that i love him, but i feel llike a pathetic loser for putting up with it, when he clearly doesn't want to be with me. He's unbelievably immature and i feel like his mother when we're meant to be partners.
It is over now, and i am just in the process of getting all of his stuff out of my house. It's just really difficult because i'm going to have to completely change everything i've planned, probably move back in with my parents, stop uni, i just can't comprehend how i'm going to do it all, and how i'm going to cope on my own.
I just needed to vent and ask if any of you have been through anything like this? And how you're coping?

 

[woadie]

Oh hey... first of all, big hugs for what you're going through. Secondly, I think you've made the right decision and I really hope that the turmoil you're going through right now is short lived and as smooth as it can be, under the circumstances. Thirdly that man is a complete a*ehole! Good riddance to bad rubbish. I'm just so sorry that you gave him your heart and he repaid you with this kind of abuse, selfishness and total lack of responsibility. You've come to the right section for finding others who know exactly how you're feeling right now

You didn't choose to get pregnant no, but total kudos for what you decided to do once it happened, how you've coped, and the strength you're finding now. Somehow it will all work out, I know that from everyone here, we all just find the strength and battle on. Have a good moan about the terrible things we go through with the FOBoffs, and the struggles we have being single and coping... it does help and its even better to know that there are people who walk in the same shoes and who are here to give you a virtul hug when the pressure is on x

 

[lillprutten]

I don't know what to say but I'm so sorry xxx

 

[lou_w34]

Yeah he sounds like a tosser, your much better off, though it will probably take a while for you to see that

I was away from my family to when i found out i was pregnant (uni) and i moved back home. I dont no how long ill be staying with them, as things arnt to great right now, but ill still be staying in my home town.

Try not to let him get to you to much hun, just focus on you and baby for now, as your both all that matters xx

 

[RosieandAlan]

Oh thank you so much for being so lovely! I'm currently waiting for him to come and pick up his stuff and absolutely dreading seeing him- i don't think it's properly sunk in yet...
I just know how difficult he's going to make life because he's such a PRICK.

 

[lou_w34]

Id just leave his stuff outside if you know he's comming, and keep an eye on it so it doesnt get wet, that way he cant get to shitty about it.

Yeps most of them are twats, but you will feel so much stronger soon, at first i didnt think i could go on without him, now i just wish he'd move to the moon so i will never have to see him again lol

He will soon realise what he's missed out on, and by then it will be too late

 

[Ash_P]

Sorry to hear u are going thru this hun. But u will cope, and ul do a fantastic job. Dont let him stress u out, think of the future with ur baby. I keep telling myself that once baby is here I will have the will power and the strength to keep going.
My husband ended things when I was 6 weeks pregnant. Told me he didnt love me anymore, that he`d met someone else. He put me outta the home we bought together, took my business off me, literally left me with nothing. But I had no choice but to deal with it and get on with my life for the sake of my baby, and U will do the same, Dont get me wrong, u will find it hard at times, u`ll miss him, ul wonder what u did to deserve this etc etc
But when I feel like this, I log on here, have a wee rant, put a post up on how Im feeling and the replies I get give me the strength to get thru another day.
I suggest u do the same. I found comfort in the face that there are other woman all round the world that are going thru similar situation to me and Im not the only one that feels like this, or this has happened to.

We are all here when u need us, if u need a wee chat just pm me. Il give u as much support and advice as I can.
Keep ur chin up babe and think about the positives that u have coming ur way. U dont need a man like that in ur life hun, and once baby comes along u will see that.

 

[RosieandAlan]

I really admire you and i just can't imagine being as strong as you are- i know i can do better and he is a complete wanker, i've known that for ages. I just don't know how i'm going to cope with being on my own. I'm sure i'll find the strength in my little girl..
Did your FOB leave as soon as he found out you were pregnant?

 

[Ash_P]

No, we were trying for 2.5 years for a baby. When I did my first test and got a positive, went to hospital and they told me I was only about 1 week pregnant. We were so happy, planned to move to a bigger house for baby. Talked about all our future plans as parents. We were so happy (or so I thought) then he just came home one day from work and told me it was over. He refused to leave the house, knew that I couldnt afford the mortgage and living expenses on my own. So told me to get out. I found a new house, and continued with work (I had my own beauty salon) He then started arsing about with business details (all my stuff was still in the old house, so he had access to everything) Messed about that much that he ended up leaving me with no business.

He says he wants to be involved in babies life. but to be honest Im not holding my breathe.
He just pushs the the back of his head that he has a wife, who is pregnant, he doesnt wanna talk about it, just ignores the situation. He arsed about that much with money since we split, He was declared bankrupt on fri 13th. He has dealt with this in the same way. Just ignores it.

Things will come back to bite him in the arse. Karma is a bitch and they all get whats coming to them in time.

U will be fine huni. I dont have any family except my sister. I dont see my parents. But theres so many people who are going thru this on their own, and the strength they have in incredible. U will do a wonderful job, i bet u surprise urself at how strong u become x

 

[louise85]

Hey, sorry to hear your going thru this, seems like theres a lot of pricks out there at the minute!!

I felt the same as you a few weeks ago but now I feel so much better I' not as far gone as you (only 11 weeks) but I'm sure you'll do just fine, try not to stress out too much you don't want to be upseting that little girl!!

You haven't got long til she's here and then you'll be so busy concentratng on her you won't give FOB asecond thought!

Like all the girls have said if u ever need to have a rant, put a post up about how ur feeling the replys you get will make you feel so much better and believe in yourself! The girls are great!

 

[purpledahlia]

hey
Sorry to hear what a shit he has been. You are definately better off away from him/not with him. Dont worry about doing it on your own.. it will all come naturally to you and you will cope perfect. Once you see your baby you wont even want your ex all you will want is baby!! Im 23 and was also on the pill and the FOB also said i had ruined his life and everything, he has since come round but i moved back to my parents, so now im in central scotland in a village and hes in london. But at the end of the day its his fault!!

Is there any way you can just defer uni for a year? its perfectly do-able to finish your degree with a baby, they have nurserys n stuff, maybe moving nearer your family is a good idea so they can give you support. Maybe look at changing your uni and defering for a year, its all possible if you want to do it?

My friends are the same, all plan weekends out n stuff but they dont invite me cos they assume i wont want to or cant go. which isnt true, ive just let them get on with it cos i need to focus now on having baby. Saving money, and getting into 'the zone' for labour. If you can... id look for somewher to live NEAR your family, but if you cant, would moving back for 6 months-1 year be so bad? FOB cant make you stay there and you shouldnt have too if you have limited support.

Everything willl fall into place, I still panic sometimes but then i regret thinking i wont be able to do it, of course i will. its all new and its all a learning curve, but we will be mummys!! best job in the world apparently? and were all on the shortlist!

 

[surprisebaby]

Well i'm 35 weeks pregnant and FOB just told me 'he doesn't love me, doesn't want a baby with me, wishes i'd had an abortion or that i'd cheated on him so that she wasn't his, and apparently i've ruined his life because he can't be a normal 21 year old and go out and get drunk with his friends.'
We've been together for 2 years and lived together for 1, we both go to uni and he's the only support i have living down here because my family are miles away and my uni friends aren't exactly interested in a boring pregnant person.
I have had to put up with his SHIT since i found out i was pregnant when i was on the pill, and he's always saying nasty things to me because he resents me for not having an abortion. I just always say to myself that he'll change as soon as he see's her and i should just hold out until then, but i am so sick of being walked all over. I think i convinced myself everything will be okay, and that i love him, but i feel llike a pathetic loser for putting up with it, when he clearly doesn't want to be with me. He's unbelievably immature and i feel like his mother when we're meant to be partners.
It is over now, and i am just in the process of getting all of his stuff out of my house. It's just really difficult because i'm going to have to completely change everything i've planned, probably move back in with my parents, stop uni, i just can't comprehend how i'm going to do it all, and how i'm going to cope on my own.
I just needed to vent and ask if any of you have been through anything like this? And how you're coping?

I was with someone who, same as you fob, is at uni and is 21. I got pregnant unexpectedly too. I told him when I was 3 1/2 weeks pregnant by text message ( he didn't answer the phone when I tried) and I wanted to tell him as soon as I could. He was away in Northern Ireland at the time and me in Scotland. Anyway we were going out with each other, but after I sent this message I didnt hear from him until I was 17 weeks pregnant. He basically ignored all my attempts to contact him. He eventually last week wrote an email saying to get an abortion, and that he didn't want me ruining his life.... yep the same words!! Not taking any responsibity. He doesn't want to hear from me ever again or anything to do with baby.
I am coping much better since I have heard from him. It was awful not knowing what he was thinking etc. I now don't contact him at all. Its easier with time.

Don't worry about uni, you could go back on a couple of years . You'll love being a mum!

 

[RosieandAlan]

God you're all SO lovely . He just came round with his mum and brother and collected all of his stuff, didn't even look at me, i was inconsolable but coming on here and reading all your comments has made me feel so much better- thank you so much!

I can't wait to be a mum, she is literally everything to me and i know if i had ended up staying with FOB then he wouldn't have been able to cope with all of my attention being on her anyway, he would have made life a living hell. At least i won't have some imbecile pestering me for sex after i've just given birth!

It's so sad to hear all your stories about what your horrible FOB's have put you through, but it's nice to know that you have found ways of coping- so hopefully i will find it easier in time.

I think i will most probably end up moving back in with my parents, they'll be able to help me financially (not that i was getting any help from cock face), it's just hard to imagine losing my independence. But you're right, it could just be for a year if i defer and change universities, the reason i wasn't doing that originally is because my course is finishing so i won't be able to go back to it at Exeter- but now i have nothing to keep me down here.

Thank you so much for giving me hope ladies xxxx

 

[woadie]

lol @ cock face... there's one I've not used in a while *adds onto list of insulting names for current use*

 

[purpledahlia]

Where are your parents based? Im sure itll all work out, he sounds like a nasty peoce of work!

 

[laura3103]

sorry to hear that the FOB of your baby is a Ahole my babys dad left me when i was 12 weeks pregnant and i struggled throught the pregnancy all alone as my family arnt very close.

you learn to cope and i bearly even think about FOB now he as never seen her and changed his number before i could tell him she was even here so he doenst even knwo if he has a son or daughter.

i was with him 2 years nut he was 10 years older than me so you would think he was a little more mature but NO think he thought he was still 18 not 38!!!

 

[teal]

I'm sorry to hear about what happened with your ex.

My ex ended things went I found out I was pregnant back in June. I've not seen or spoken to him since. He's made it clear he doesn't want to be involved.

You'll get through this. You have more strength than you think xx