Would You Even Bother Telling These People When Baby Arrives?

[ItsJana]

This pregnancy has not been fun, I've had so many things go wrong and I've been struggling. Of the people that know about the issues (which is not many, since I'm usually more of a private person), no one seems to care. I'm wondering if I should even call these people up once baby is born or just let them inquire themselves.

Stepmother: When I told her I was pregnant 32 weeks ago her reaction was that it was "beautiful news". Since then I haven't heard a thing from her, I emailed her 2 weeks ago to tell her baby will be here soon and got no response.

"Friend 1": Seemed happy for me in the beginning, but after I wasn't able to volunteer my time for her organization because of pregnancy health issues I've heard little from her. She constantly says we should get together before the baby comes and I never hear from her. When I call and suggest something it's always "my kids have the stomach flu", if my kids had the stomach flu as often as hers have I'd be very concerned. I sent her a text to wish her and her kids a happy holiday a week and a bit ago and heard nothing back.

"Friend 2": When I first told this person I was pregnant she said "I thought you didn't want anymore kids" and this is after telling her I was getting my IUD removed. After she did finally congratulate me. Two weeks later she calls and tells me she's pregnant. A week after that she says she's not and that the test was negative. Two months later she calls and tells me that she had a miscarriage, my husband thinks she's lying because of the details and timeline she gave. I would like to think that no one would ever lie about something like this, but I really don't know.

There is a lot I'm not saying about these three people, but I hope I can get my general point across. If you were me would you even bother telling these people when baby comes?

 

[cookette]

*shrug* In my opinion only, this comes across a bit like perhaps some sensitivity on your part? Because being pregnant is the center of the world for us, it's really not a blip on anyones radar but your own nuclear world. I dont expect anyone to care that wont be directly influenced by it. You're busy being pregnant, your friend is busy with her organization. Your second friend may have fertility/miscarriage issues you arent aware of. What would you like from your stepmom, as this is the same interest I've gotten from my own biological mother? Your baby is not here yet, pregnancy doesnt do a lot to interest some of your closest people until the arrival.

Im sorry, not trying to be unsupportive, just another perspective

 

[VickyLou]

I wouldn't bother. I had this with my sister in law the other week. I sent her a message telling her if she can't be bothered during in my pregnancy then don't bother when my daughter arrives. She has since shown an interest and we have sorted out our differences.
If I was you I'd send them all a message explaining how you feel, if they bother up get back to you hopefully you can sort your issues out if they dont bother then you know the answer. Xx

 

[Vix6584]

Personally from what you have said I wouldn't bother with them. At the end of the day it is the main people in your life that matter For me the important people are hubby (of course ), his parents and my parents, that's the close knit circle I have. Actually I have had some of the opposite of what you have had. I have had distant relatives who never really talked to me now being nosey and snooping. Also a thing that rattled me is someone been snooping so much they told my mother in law that me and hubby know the sex of our baby when we don't know and are keeping it as a surprise. Bloody tittle tattlers.

 

[xSamantha]

I agree with the previous posters. And also in my personal opinion.. I feel that if they don't show the interest, don't seek out their interest. If it's important to them, they'll be there! Don't go out of your way if they don't. Maybe once they realize the baby is there, they will be interested. That's all you can hope for, anyway. It's a happy time for you and your family.. focus on that!

 

[sprite30]

*shrug* In my opinion only, this comes across a bit like perhaps some sensitivity on your part? Because being pregnant is the center of the world for us, it's really not a blip on anyones radar but your own nuclear world. I dont expect anyone to care that wont be directly influenced by it. You're busy being pregnant, your friend is busy with her organization. Your second friend may have fertility/miscarriage issues you arent aware of. What would you like from your stepmom, as this is the same interest I've gotten from my own biological mother? Your baby is not here yet, pregnancy doesnt do a lot to interest some of your closest people until the arrival.

Im sorry, not trying to be unsupportive, just another perspective

I agree with this statement. Some people just aren't interested for their own reasons and we may never find out what those reasons are. Maybe they've have traumatic events in their lives and your pregnancy actually hurts them. Especially friend #2, people go throw amazing situations that to the rest of us we think oh yeah right but it's a bit insensitive to think she would be lying. And everyone's reaction to your pregnancy will be different based on their own life experiences.

I've come to terms with the fact that some people just can not be happy for others or jealousy or other emotions rise up at moments when we want people to be excited for us they just can't be.

I do think you should at least send a text message or generic announcement when baby arrives but I wouldn't expect them to be overly excited about the babies arrival.

 

[cjwn]

Edited.

 

[ItsJana]

*shrug* In my opinion only, this comes across a bit like perhaps some sensitivity on your part? Because being pregnant is the center of the world for us, it's really not a blip on anyones radar but your own nuclear world. I dont expect anyone to care that wont be directly influenced by it. You're busy being pregnant, your friend is busy with her organization. Your second friend may have fertility/miscarriage issues you arent aware of. What would you like from your stepmom, as this is the same interest I've gotten from my own biological mother? Your baby is not here yet, pregnancy doesnt do a lot to interest some of your closest people until the arrival.

Im sorry, not trying to be unsupportive, just another perspective

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, that's fine. Like I said there are somethings that I haven't brought up about these people that I don't feel comfortable talking about. I don't expect anyone to be able to read my mind and know what I'm saying, but my expectation was for friends to be there in good times and bad, not just when they need something from me or want to dump emotions on me.

 

[ItsJana]

*shrug* In my opinion only, this comes across a bit like perhaps some sensitivity on your part? Because being pregnant is the center of the world for us, it's really not a blip on anyones radar but your own nuclear world. I dont expect anyone to care that wont be directly influenced by it. You're busy being pregnant, your friend is busy with her organization. Your second friend may have fertility/miscarriage issues you arent aware of. What would you like from your stepmom, as this is the same interest I've gotten from my own biological mother? Your baby is not here yet, pregnancy doesnt do a lot to interest some of your closest people until the arrival.

Im sorry, not trying to be unsupportive, just another perspective

I agree with this statement. Some people just aren't interested for their own reasons and we may never find out what those reasons are. Maybe they've have traumatic events in their lives and your pregnancy actually hurts them. Especially friend #2, people go throw amazing situations that to the rest of us we think oh yeah right but it's a bit insensitive to think she would be lying. And everyone's reaction to your pregnancy will be different based on their own life experiences.

I've come to terms with the fact that some people just can not be happy for others or jealousy or other emotions rise up at moments when we want people to be excited for us they just can't be.

I do think you should at least send a text message or generic announcement when baby arrives but I wouldn't expect them to be overly excited about the babies arrival.

I see you've gone through some struggles in getting pregnant and I'm sorry for that, but this is not the situation here. I'm not one to belt out "yea I'm pregnant omg look at me" that's just not the kind of person I am and I would never dream of being insensitive to someone who had infertility issues.

 

[ItsJana]

I agree with the previous posters. And also in my personal opinion.. I feel that if they don't show the interest, don't seek out their interest. If it's important to them, they'll be there! Don't go out of your way if they don't. Maybe once they realize the baby is there, they will be interested. That's all you can hope for, anyway. It's a happy time for you and your family.. focus on that!

I think that's what I'm going to do, basically if I don't hear from them they won't hear from me. I don't know what to expect when the baby arrives, if they show interest then that would be nice, but if they don't I'll probably feel pretty down about it and that's not something any woman needs after having a baby.

 

[Laylagirl]

Yeah, I wouldnt bother with those people.... Just concentrate on yourself and family... And the ones that do show interest.
I wont be calling my MIL when my little one decides to show....

She and SIL bother me... They go to disneyland once a week with the other two grandkids but never want to take my daughter with them.. mIL says she cant handle three toddlers..... So my kids will always get the shaft... I will not be letting her know anything about us iver here anytime soon... She doesnt seem to have time anyway.

 

[Reidfidleir]

Step mom yes. Because she's family. And maybe she didn't get your email? The other two can just find out through the grapevine. They don't sound like they occupy an important part of your life or that they want to.

 

[jzgrace]

I can say this. Be thankful that you dont have to deal with my mother. Every time I call her she starts talking so badly about my husband. (Who suffers from panic/anxiety and agoraphobia.) She literally yells at me. For example I called her yesterday to let her know that I was gold by my doc to go into l&d for monitoring due to contractions. And she proceeded to tell me her opinion (once again) of my husband, began yelling at me about how she doesnt like him, calling him names, like pu$$y, and just awful things. Not only that but when I told her we were having a boy She said "AWW FU(K ITS A BOY?! DONT NAME IT ALLEN!" She was so rude and hurtful! She didnt raise me, my father did. And he was and is an amazing father and role model. He NEVER would have done that to me. I just told this woman that im having contractions and she thinks its the perfect time for a 30 minute bit(h fest, screaming in my ear?! I seriously held my finger on the power buttonof my cell phone and turned it off mid sentence. The drama continued today after my husband already told her that I don't need her drama. I have chosen to ignore her texts and phone calls. I have prayed for her and I choose NOT to have her in the delivery room. I hope after reading my story you will feel a bit better lol

 

[ItsJana]

Yeah, I wouldnt bother with those people.... Just concentrate on yourself and family... And the ones that do show interest.
I wont be calling my MIL when my little one decides to show....

She and SIL bother me... They go to disneyland once a week with the other two grandkids but never want to take my daughter with them.. mIL says she cant handle three toddlers..... So my kids will always get the shaft... I will not be letting her know anything about us iver here anytime soon... She doesnt seem to have time anyway.

That's really sad I don't know how grandparents can do that. My mom used that excuse with my two girls. In my case she preferred the older one over the younger one and always wanted the older one to stay over, would only acknowledge her on the phone...etc.