Would you take a baby to a funeral?

[hanni]

As the title says...

OH's nana has just died. They weren't particularly close and we aren't super close to his family. He's insisting we take him rather than have someone baby sit him, I think he just doesn't want babysat. I just don't think it's the right place for a baby, especially a one who spends all his time shouting and squeeling.

Opinions?

 

[Becky1987]

I just took my 11 week old to my grandma's funeral. She did really well
Through the service and I fed her (bottle) towards the end. I had no issues x

 

[Becky1987]

But if you don't want to take your baby then don't, it's personal choice. I was close to my grandma and she loved my DD who was the newest of her great grandchildren. X

 

[sheebee]

I would and have, I'd just sit at the back so I could make a swift exit incase they got too noisy. I actually found after the service having a baby there to be a positive 'something' for people to smile about in an otherwise sad situation.

 

[lau86]

Depends on the circumstances, eg who has died and what family are available to babysit. I've taken my eldest to two funerals, the first was hubbies nan when he was 6 months, the 2nd was my cousin when he was 1. He was fine through them both. Now he's older and more aware I would only take him if it was a close relative who he was going to miss. Personally I don't think kids are involved in funerals enough, it's part of living and there's no harm seeing that side of things if it's handled well.

 

[amytrisha]

Personally no, but every funeral I've been to has been close family and everybody has been extremely upset.

If you weren't that close would you not be happy to stay home with LO?

Each to their own but it's just not for me x

 

[superfrizbee]

It depends on the circumstances and who it is. I took my baby son to DH's nan's funeral and it was fine. When he cooed people smiled through their grief, which she would have liked.

 

[chipsticks]

(Unfortunately) both mine have been to funerals. The most recent was 2 months ago so DS was 8 months DD 3 hrs 2 months, I just sat slightly further back then the rest of the family (there is loads of us so I was still 'in' the family zone). I wouldn't have had it any other way, we were close to my aunt and she adored kids (had 8 of her own!). DS needed a bottle towards the end but any babbling etc made people smile..it was a welcome distraction to the grief we all felt.

 

[hanni]

Thank you ladies! My DS loves to babble and shouts all the time so I'd be a bit uncomfortable I think. I never thought about him being a comfort to people

 

[chipsticks]

I think a happy medium suits best, babbling/chatting/happy squealing *i think* is ok, crying angry shouting that a bottle can't solve means time to move outside!

 

[Rach79]

I did last week and it was fine, he made it easier for a lot of people as he was something to focus on and kept us smiling. There were 4 kids at this funeral, they were all hilarious and made the very difficult day so much easier.

 

[Zinky]

I have taken mine to 2 funerals. The vicar actually liked it when they talked/giggled/made noises - shows the different stages of life and just said he would talk louder. It actually gave people a welcome distraction.

 

[Amalee]

I think it depends. My brother's fiance's (girlfriend at the time, who's family we had only met a handful of times) grandfather died last year, and we took our baby to the wake only. We couldn't make it to the funeral, and I don't know if I would have taken him. He was about 2 months at the time, and he was a real source of joy for my sister-in-law and her parents. It meant a lot to them that we had made it out, and they thanked us for brightening their day with such a happy little guy.

 

[zorak]

Not read the replies.

We took our then 6 month old to my FILs funeral and cremation. Obviously it was a v close family member but we live overseas so there was no one nearby when we returned to leave LO with when we got back for the funeral.

That being said, I sat apart from my husband towards the back (he was happy to be with his Mum and brother) and as soon as my LO started fussing my Mum took him from me and took him out. I do know he screamed the place down outside with my Mum since he didn't know her (she told me) but it allowed me to stay and pay my respects.

The older relatives actually seemed glad that LO was there ,a few of them made circle of life type comments and said its what FIL would have wanted. Equally though I think they appreciated that I didn't allow LO to disrupt the service.

 

[StranjeGirl]

I would get a sitter simply because I wouldn't want to have to deal with a baby squealing through the funeral (been there before ) but I do agree that they can be a comfort for grieving people. I would just want to concentrate and take part in it rather than spending all my energy putting out fires. However, if I couldn't get a sitter I would take my dd!

 

[Boozlebub]

We took my then 5 month old DS to my grandfathers funeral. They had never met and I thought it would be comforting to my mum to know they were under the same roof for a while. That being said my DH took him outside when he started to grumble so as not to disturb proceedings.

 

[Alyssa Drough]

I think taking a baby is fine. We took dd when she was 3 weeks old. We sat at the back so I could make a quick exit if need be but she stayed asleep in her pram the whole time.

When they're toddlers though it becomes a bit more difficult. For my mil's funeral dd was 17 months. Luckily it was on one of her nursery days but if not we would have found a child minder.

 

[Sarah Lou 80]

Nope. I wouldn't unless I was in the situation I'm in now with a breastfeeding newborn but if baby was older or would take s bottle, I wouldn't take them.

 

[SoupDragon]

We travelled the length of the UK with our just-over-4-month-old early this year for the funeral of an extremely close family member. There was no question of her not coming, though DH didn't want her to fly at first. We were right at the front of the church, in the family pews, and DD was good as gold through the service, at the graveside, and during the gathering/lunch afterwards.

As others have said, it did everyone good to have her there, she brought smiles and joy to people at a very sad time, and it did DD herself no harm at all.

 

[MindUtopia]

If you feel like it's important that you be there, yes. Honestly, as long as you're respectful and excuse yourself if he is getting upset, I can't see how anyone would be bothered by it. We took our daughter to a funeral when she was 2, so older than a baby, but old enough to be asking lots of questions! It was really lovely. She was perfectly fine and quiet through both services, and actually really enjoyed the music. We sat on the aisle so one of us could quietly sneak out if she needed a break. And yes, lots of people were happy to see her and I think it helped lift the mood and provide some comic relief because funerals can be really intense if you don't have that. If nothing else, if you think it's important that you be there to show your respects and support to the family, then go and just walk around outside with your LO if he needs some fresh air or sit in the back for a feed. If it's not something you'd go to anyway, baby or not, then I think it's okay to stay home if you and your partner are both comfortable with that and he is happy to go on his own. The only time I wouldn't go is if I had a really little baby and I just couldn't quite handle attending a bit event yet because I was still recovering and adjusting.