WTT baby #1 - do you feel anxious to have a baby before your parents get too old?

[pradabooties]

Hi everyone,
My partner and I are 23 and have known each other since we were 15 and been together since we were 17.
I'm really unsure of when to start TTC. I've just graduated university and my body is telling me to go for it now... We currently live in a small apartment in the city but are planning to move into a house mid 2015.

Something very on my mind is that my parents are a bit on the older side - my mum is almost 60 and my father is 65. My partners parents are in the same boat. I am only 23 and have no grandparents; all but one passed away before I even reached 5 years old. I feel like I really want to break the cycle in my family of having children later on. I know my Mum would prefer that I spend my early 20s travelling and building my career but I am very aware that if I TTC now and was lucky enough to give birth late next year still it would be unlikely my first child would have any grandparents by the time he/she is my age!

I honestly feel ready and happy to have a baby soon, as does my partner, but I feel like I am choosing between disappointing my Mother and making her (hopefully temporarily) feel like I've ruined my life OR taking away her opportunity to see my children grow up and for my children to have her around.

Does anyone else have these thoughts? xx

 

[bakedbean]

Hi everyone,
My partner and I are 23 and have known each other since we were 15 and been together since we were 17.
I'm really unsure of when to start TTC. I've just graduated university and my body is telling me to go for it now... We currently live in a small apartment in the city but are planning to move into a house mid 2015.

Something very on my mind is that my parents are a bit on the older side - my mum is almost 60 and my father is 65. My partners parents are in the same boat. I am only 23 and have no grandparents; all but one passed away before I even reached 5 years old. I feel like I really want to break the cycle in my family of having children later on. I know my Mum would prefer that I spend my early 20s travelling and building my career but I am very aware that if I TTC now and was lucky enough to give birth late next year still it would be unlikely my first child would have any grandparents by the time he/she is my age!

I honestly feel ready and happy to have a baby soon, as does my partner, but I feel like I am choosing between disappointing my Mother and making her (hopefully temporarily) feel like I've ruined my life OR taking away her opportunity to see my children grow up and for my children to have her around.

Does anyone else have these thoughts? xx

I know she's your mum and you of course want to make her proud but don't let other people live your life for you! You can still achieve everything in life with a baby - it will just be a little harder.

As to your question, yes i sometimes feel like that aswell. Not in regards to my parents though as they are quite young (in their 40's....i'm the same age as you) and my dad has just had more children with his new girlfriend. I do feel it in regards to my grandparents though, who i am VERY close too and want my children to know. It's not the deciding factor though, just something i'v considered carefully, along with other things. My grandparents would prefer for me to not have children for a few years, but me and my OH have made the decision ultimately and will be having children for when we have planned, whether our family wants us to or not (be it good or bad intentions). I know my grandparents will dote on their great grandchildren when they're here

 

[pradabooties]

Thanks for your reply bakedbean!

I'm glad to hear someone feels the same way in a sense. That is very understandable that you'd want your grandparents to be around. My Grandpa (last grandparent) passed away a couple of months ago and before that I had started to consider TTC in time for him to meet my first baby but fate had other ideas!

I think what my mum feels worries me a bit more because I am very eager to travel overseas with my OH - right before we officially started dating 5 years ago I had just returned from a trip to France/England and in one way I'm glad I have at least done it once but on the other hand I am so desperate to get back there! I don't know how much success people have travelling with kids under 5?

Thanks for the chat!

 

[Springermommy]

I definitely have these sorts of feelings sometimes. My parents and his dad are all in their 60s now. His dad makes little comments here and there sometimes...

Oh well, hopefully they won't have to wait much longer!

 

[tverb84]

I do feel like this sometimes. My dad has MS so who knows how long he has left.

 

[Angel_blues]

My last grand parent has dimentia, he has NO IDEA who I am. My parents are 57 & 62 and still VERY active and healthy (my mother just had a motorcycle accident 7 weeks ago and came out with bumps and bruises!). I am 25 and OH 31 (febuary)

 

[Angel_blues]

I am 26* oops lmao

 

[pradabooties]

I definitely have these sorts of feelings sometimes. My parents and his dad are all in their 60s now. His dad makes little comments here and there sometimes...

Oh well, hopefully they won't have to wait much longer!

I'm glad I'm not alone feeling like this Springermommy! Sounds like we are in very similar boats - except mine and his parents definitely aren't making comments... I think everyone would be very surprised if we had children anytime soon! Even though we've been together so long we are quite young - 23 - but hey, if they want to spend time with their grandchildren I guess they would be grateful for it eventually!

 

[meg_bellamy]

Definitely do what you think is best. I understand wanting your children to have a relationship with their grandparents, I only had one set of grandparents growing up and they had both died by the time I was a teenager. My dad has died and my husband has never known his dad. My mum is 60 but is quite healthy and active, however my husband's mum is reaching 70 and has some health issues. And she would sooooo much love to be a grandmother. I really hope we can have a baby soon and they can have a relationship, however short it may be

 

[ttc bubby no2]

My mum didn't want me to have a baby until I was 30 but it wasn't up to her and we decided to have a baby sooner. I was 28 so it wasn't much different but I am happy we didn't wait and my mum was fine once she got over the idea that she was a grandmother (her issue, not mine!). You have to do what feels right for you and your partner

Both sets of our kids grandparents are in their early to mid 60's so it seems like a good age for them to still be active with the grandkids. They are able to help with babysitting which really helps, if they were in their 70's we probably wouldn't want to stress them out with that task so much!

 

[ariela]

Yea, I do.. My parents are 62 & 56 and OH's parents around the same age. We're 21 & 23. I know our parents most likely still have tens of years to come, but now they just would have more energy to play with kids and look after them if needed. I would have loved to introduce our baby to my grandparents, but only one of them is alive and has Alzheimer's.. She hasn't even remembered me for years and hardly even opens her eyes when we visit. OH's grandma is adorable though and still doing quite well, and we'd love her to meet our little one some day.

 

[EmmySocks]

Yes! I sometimes feel this, especially about my dad as he is a little older and has previously had health problems. I want my parents to be able to enjoy their grandchild(ren) for as long as possible. And also feel that my kid(s) would get a lot from knowing their grandparents.

My own grandad wasn't around for long and what i do remember of him was him being quite ill.

I'm 24 and my dad is 60 and mum is nearly 50 (which isn't too bad). But my mum believes there's plenty of time and always says she's too young to be a grandmother.

Ultimately it's you and your OH's decision to make them grandparents - they don't get a say in it! If you are both ready and financially stable then I don't see why not! xxx

 

[Springermommy]

Yea, I do.. My parents are 62 & 56 and OH's parents around the same age. We're 21 & 23. I know our parents most likely still have tens of years to come, but now they just would have more energy to play with kids and look after them if needed. I would have loved to introduce our baby to my grandparents, but only one of them is alive and has Alzheimer's.. She hasn't even remembered me for years and hardly even opens her eyes when we visit. OH's grandma is adorable though and still doing quite well, and we'd love her to meet our little one some day.

i only have one gma left and she has Alzheimers as well. i pray that she makes it to meet future baby. she will be 92 tomorrow! still knows us and all.

 

[icegurl470]

I had the same problem. Planned on having my first child at 25 and the second one by 28 so that when they turned 18 I would be 40 and still have some feedom. I dropped out of college for a great job oportunity and after a few yrs I decided to go back and finish my degree part time. So, my plans changed to finsh school first which prob wouldnt be until my late 20's early 30's. Then I got cancer and realized how quickly my fertiltiy can be taken away from me. Luckily I was cancer free after surgery and didnt require fertiltiy killing chemo. I was working full time going to school part time and living in a small apt when my husband proposed to me and we started seriously considering getting married and starting a family. My mom told me to wait until Id been married for awhile to start having kids, but she was happy when I told her I was pregnant a week before the wedding (lol opps!) My sister got pregnant a few months before I did and I was there when she broke the news to my Dad and he was very excited to be a grampy, in fact his words were "It's about time one of you made me a grampy!" lol. I had no idea he was waiting! Unfortunatley, he never got the chance, passed away unexpectedly. Since then, we've bought a house and although I'm busy with work and school, our situation works very well with a kid. My point is, a lot can change pretty quickly. You dont want to be waiting forever for your situation to be perfect and miss your chance. I say if you want it, go for it.

 

[pradabooties]

Yea, I do.. My parents are 62 & 56 and OH's parents around the same age. We're 21 & 23. I know our parents most likely still have tens of years to come, but now they just would have more energy to play with kids and look after them if needed. I would have loved to introduce our baby to my grandparents, but only one of them is alive and has Alzheimer's.. She hasn't even remembered me for years and hardly even opens her eyes when we visit. OH's grandma is adorable though and still doing quite well, and we'd love her to meet our little one some day.

Hi Ariela, Sounds like we are in very similar situations! I have no grandparents left either but my OH has one grandparent who is 90! Hoping she will be around to meet our first child at least too. I think I've concluded to go for it this year... If I was lucky enough to get pregnant this year and give birth next year when my first born turns 20 my Mum would be 80 and my father would be 86... so I really don't feel like I should waste any more time if I want my kids to have more time with their grandparents than I did!
Thanks for your message xx

 

[pradabooties]

I had the same problem. Planned on having my first child at 25 and the second one by 28 so that when they turned 18 I would be 40 and still have some feedom. I dropped out of college for a great job oportunity and after a few yrs I decided to go back and finish my degree part time. So, my plans changed to finsh school first which prob wouldnt be until my late 20's early 30's. Then I got cancer and realized how quickly my fertiltiy can be taken away from me. Luckily I was cancer free after surgery and didnt require fertiltiy killing chemo. I was working full time going to school part time and living in a small apt when my husband proposed to me and we started seriously considering getting married and starting a family. My mom told me to wait until Id been married for awhile to start having kids, but she was happy when I told her I was pregnant a week before the wedding (lol opps!) My sister got pregnant a few months before I did and I was there when she broke the news to my Dad and he was very excited to be a grampy, in fact his words were "It's about time one of you made me a grampy!" lol. I had no idea he was waiting! Unfortunatley, he never got the chance, passed away unexpectedly. Since then, we've bought a house and although I'm busy with work and school, our situation works very well with a kid. My point is, a lot can change pretty quickly. You dont want to be waiting forever for your situation to be perfect and miss your chance. I say if you want it, go for it.

Hi icegurl,
I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle with cancer and about your late father. My sister passed away from cancer when I was a teenager...I know how awful and harsh a disease it is. I am really glad to hear that you recovered well! Your message really puts my question into perspective and I think I will go for it this year! Best case scenario if I started TTC this year I would have a baby by next year and even then my parents would be in their 80s by the time by first born turned 20. So thank you, you've really really helped. I'm actually waiting to do a test at the moment as I've had a lot of symptoms and a missed period...so hey, maybe fate has intervened!