Yes I'm more relaxed but......

[Spudtastic]

So this is just a bit of a vent because no one in my real life gets it. No need to reply. I just need to have my say.

So of course I love my dd1 beyond anything but my little cherub has always been a high energy / high maintenance girl. She is 3 and has only slept through the night half a dozen times. Sleep with her was torture for me. She fed evert hour through the night until she was 1, then was awake every 1.5 hours until she was two. For the first 2.5 years she was up and ready to go between 4 to 5 am every day.
When she's awake she needs constant attention. She gave up her daytime nap at 2 years 2 months.
Oh and when she needed a feed she would scream until the boob was out.

My dd2 is completely different. She only wakes up 2 to 4 timed a night and she's 4 months. Sometimes dd1 is up more than dd2 in the night. Dd2, if she's hungry, can easily be distracted until she gets the boob. Dd2 is still asleep when dd1 wants to get up.

So when asked how dd2 is I say things are going well and she's a good baby. (They know what dd1 was like).
And here comes the annoying sentence.

'Well you're more relaxed aren't you the second time around'.

I know it's just something to say. I know second time mums are more relaxed but you're pretty much saying dd1 was only so tough because I was not a relaxed first time mum. I know they don't mean it this way but in that one sentence they take away the tough three years I've had and blame it on me.

I know it's not really the case but that's how hormones make me feel. So grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

And even if i was more relaxed with dd1, she would not have been sleeping through the night any sooner. So there.

 

[Yo_Yo]

That's a silly thing to say anyway! If that's the case, why was my third the worst sleeper of the lot?!
Take what people say with a (large!) pinch of salt, bite your tongue, and try and forget it lovely
The truth is all babies are different!

 

[loeylo]

Definitely take it with a pinch of salt. I'm the biggest stress head on Earth and my wee one is a great sleeper. I was a great sleeper as a baby too (I'm the eldest) whereas my little sister didn't sleep at all and my dad used to have to drive round the block with her in her car seat to get her to sleep.

 

[penelopejones]

Hi Spud (from BFP chasers...) That is such an annoying thing to say. I've also heard that saying and it bothers me because in my case #2 is no easier than #1 was. So no, I'm not relaxed, and it is because I have a baby I'm wearing or sleeping with 24/7 and can't put down to sleep!

 

[Bevziibubble]

I get this too! Of course we are more relaxed the second time round, but not being relaxed the first time was not the cause of a difficult baby! My daughter was an absolute nightmare of a baby, she really was, and I cried most days because she was just miserable 24/7 until she got mobile. Me not being relaxed did not cause this; it's just the way she was. My son is so much easier! I'm more relaxed this time round, but again, it's not me being relaxed that has made him an easier baby, it's just personality that he is more laid back.

 

[SarahBear]

My first wasn't as hard as your first, but my first was harder than my second and I get the same thing. I just come back with "no, not really. I was pretty relaxed with her."

 

[icklemonster]

My Mum would beg to differ, I slept through from 4 weeks (first born), my little brother didn't sleep through until he was 4 (years!).

 

[Cornfieldland]

Everyone has something silly to say when you are pregnant or have kids. What would we do without their priceless words of wisdoms It's good to see you Spud ! Been thinking of you

 

[.Mrs.B.]

I had the same, our son was an every hour waker requiring rocking to sleep until 18 months, threw up 10+ times a day, wanted constant holding when he was awake and needed breastfeeding every 1-2 hours.
We figured this was normal until we had our daughter who almost slept through, breastfed every 5 hours, entertained herself, fell asleep by herself and threw up once a fortnight. Wow, we thought, no wonder some people find babies so easy. We really did not do anything different and if people suggested that our son being a hard baby was down to us I would be annoyed too (and wish them a hard baby, lol).

 

[DannaD]

My baby is the easiest baby ever, she's my first and I'm a huge ball of stress...
Babies are their own person, we don't shape everything about them.

 

[SarahBear]

Another one line response to dismiss people's comments could be "No, they're just different."