Young (19yo) and TTC

[Rigi.kun]

I know this thread has already been covered I just feel like I need some more specific advice to my situation.

So far since my grandmother [born 1942], all the women in my family have been born in a year ending in 2. It would be an absolute dream come true if I could have my bundle of joy in 2012.

I'm 19 and have been with my partner for over two years now and he keeps talking to me about ring designs for my engagement ring. So I know he is serious about wanting to be with me for the rest of our lives.

However it started late May 2011 and ended in late July 2011 were he betrayed my trust by sexting one of my friends (she was the driving force behind it but he didn't tell her to stop it and sometimes would encourage her)

During this time I was miserable because I knew something was up and I kept forgetting stuff. In July I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive so I stopped taking the pill but shortly afterwards I had an AF and since then all my tests has been negative. I didn't tell him about +ve and then the -ve but I did tell him I might be and he got so excited about the thought of being a dad.

I know he will be an awesome father, he's only 22 but we are constantly staying in on Weekend nights because he's looking after our friends' young children. We are the babysitting duo because we both grew up with mum/aunt's who did family daycare.

I've talked to my "family" aka my support network and they are really excited about me TTC. But I know they aren't looking at the whole picture and are biased.

Does anyone want to give me there thoughts? I know babies are life marriage (that's how my mum and step-dad look at it) and I know babies can weaken the bond between two people because of the added strain they put on the household.

 

[xMissLpx]

Hi, Im also 19, nearly 20 and me and my fiance are also TTC. We have been together nearly 3 years. In my opinion the decision to have a child is between you and your partner, nobody elses opinion matters and when u feel you are ready to be a mum then you know its the right time!

 

[Mindy_mini]

You haven't said anything about your situation eg do you and you dp work? Have you finshed school? Do you have your own home? If you're still living at home and you don't think your parents would take it well you run the risk of being homeless and ending up in a grotty flat as your only option. Can you afford a baby?

I'll be honest, I wanted a baby at 19 but knowing what I know now about me, my partner at the time (who other than falling out of love with me after 4 yrs did nothing to hurt me or abuse my trust), about how much my life changed between then and now and how hard being a mother is, I'm glad I waited.

 

[Praying4O]

Thats a tough one girly...the thing that conerns me is the sexting with one of your friends. That shows that he isnt ENTIRELY ready for commitment, BUT you can get through this together. I started reading this book with my husband and it helped alot.

Its called the 5 languages of love, and basically everyone has a different love language and if your love needs arent being met then you will start to look for it elsewhere. You can get the book off of amazon, but I learned ALOT about my husband and what he needs and same goes for him about me. I know this sounds cheesy but everyone has a "love tank" and if its empty you start acting out. I am not saying what he did is OK because its NOT and I hope you took action about it, because if you let it slide, he WILL do it again.

 

[ellie27]

Why not plan to have LO in 2022! That way you would be around 29??

You dont mention your situation, but most folk would be in a much better financial position by that age - career, savings, own home. You would certainly know if he was worth it by then!

Most folk are not ready at 19, and folk who do have babies that young I would say the majority have got pregnant accidentally.

Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[terces]

I know this thread has already been covered I just feel like I need some more specific advice to my situation.

So far since my grandmother [born 1942], all the women in my family have been born in a year ending in 2. It would be an absolute dream come true if I could have my bundle of joy in 2012.

I'm 19 and have been with my partner for over two years now and he keeps talking to me about ring designs for my engagement ring. So I know he is serious about wanting to be with me for the rest of our lives.

However it started late May 2011 and ended in late July 2011 were he betrayed my trust by sexting one of my friends (she was the driving force behind it but he didn't tell her to stop it and sometimes would encourage her)

During this time I was miserable because I knew something was up and I kept forgetting stuff. In July I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive so I stopped taking the pill but shortly afterwards I had an AF and since then all my tests has been negative. I didn't tell him about +ve and then the -ve but I did tell him I might be and he got so excited about the thought of being a dad.

I know he will be an awesome father, he's only 22 but we are constantly staying in on Weekend nights because he's looking after our friends' young children. We are the babysitting duo because we both grew up with mum/aunt's who did family daycare.

I've talked to my "family" aka my support network and they are really excited about me TTC. But I know they aren't looking at the whole picture and are biased.

Does anyone want to give me there thoughts? I know babies are life marriage (that's how my mum and step-dad look at it) and I know babies can weaken the bond between two people because of the added strain they put on the household.

As it was stated before, what is your situation. Yes, a baby can be a strain on a relationship. Especially if you are having the baby to "fix" it. I don't know at all if that is your situation. You had mentioned that he was sexting a friend, but not if the issue was resolved or not. Some women are ready at 19 and some aren't. I think if you truly thought about it and looked at your life and your relationship you will know the answer to your question. Whether it be yes we are ready, or no we need to wait.

 

[taylorxx]

This isn't regarding your age at all (started trying right after I turned 20) but I would seriously work on your relationship with your OH. The fact is was sexting your "friend" is a HUGE red flag. A baby causes a lot of stress in a relationship and it gets put on the back burner (no dates, rarely any sex, etc). If this happens, he may go off to be with another woman. Just because he was excited about being a dad at the moment, doesn't mean it will stay that way. If you feel like it's a good time for you and him to have a baby, emotionally and financially, then go for it. I would really suggest working on y'alls relationship for at least a few months and see how things go with trust issues and such. xx

 

[Praying4O]

This isn't regarding your age at all (started trying right after I turned 20) but I would seriously work on your relationship with your OH. The fact is was sexting your "friend" is a HUGE red flag. A baby causes a lot of stress in a relationship and it gets put on the back burner (no dates, rarely any sex, etc). If this happens, he may go off to be with another woman. Just because he was excited about being a dad at the moment, doesn't mean it will stay that way. If you feel like it's a good time for you and him to have a baby, emotionally and financially, then go for it. I would really suggest working on y'alls relationship for at least a few months and see how things go with trust issues and such. xx

I second this!! good advice

 

[taylorxx]

This isn't regarding your age at all (started trying right after I turned 20) but I would seriously work on your relationship with your OH. The fact is was sexting your "friend" is a HUGE red flag. A baby causes a lot of stress in a relationship and it gets put on the back burner (no dates, rarely any sex, etc). If this happens, he may go off to be with another woman. Just because he was excited about being a dad at the moment, doesn't mean it will stay that way. If you feel like it's a good time for you and him to have a baby, emotionally and financially, then go for it. I would really suggest working on y'alls relationship for at least a few months and see how things go with trust issues and such. xx

I second this!! good advice

Thanks girl! I just re-read it and I felt as if it came off as judgmental or insensitive.. OP, I really honestly did not mean for it to come off that way or in a negative light. I hope I didn't offend you as I did not mean too. I hope things work out for you and your OH. If you do decide to TTC, I hope it is a short journey for you xx

 

[ashley78016]

Thats a tough one girly...the thing that conerns me is the sexting with one of your friends. That shows that he isnt ENTIRELY ready for commitment, BUT you can get through this together. I started reading this book with my husband and it helped alot.

Its called the 5 languages of love, and basically everyone has a different love language and if your love needs arent being met then you will start to look for it elsewhere. You can get the book off of amazon, but I learned ALOT about my husband and what he needs and same goes for him about me. I know this sounds cheesy but everyone has a "love tank" and if its empty you start acting out. I am not saying what he did is OK because its NOT and I hope you took action about it, because if you let it slide, he WILL do it again.

My husband has been reading this book! awesome!

 

[Praying4O]

Thats a tough one girly...the thing that conerns me is the sexting with one of your friends. That shows that he isnt ENTIRELY ready for commitment, BUT you can get through this together. I started reading this book with my husband and it helped alot.

Its called the 5 languages of love, and basically everyone has a different love language and if your love needs arent being met then you will start to look for it elsewhere. You can get the book off of amazon, but I learned ALOT about my husband and what he needs and same goes for him about me. I know this sounds cheesy but everyone has a "love tank" and if its empty you start acting out. I am not saying what he did is OK because its NOT and I hope you took action about it, because if you let it slide, he WILL do it again.

My husband has been reading this book! awesome!

ITS AN AMAZING BOOK!!! I have learned so much about him and what he needs that I had no idea about. and same goes for him. so now that we know what love language we speak we can fill one another "love tank" and its changed EVERYTHING!

 

[katherinegrey]

I think you should wait a little longer personally, but that's just my opinion, I think sexting is as bad as cheating, I know I wouldn't forgive my OH if he ever did it, it hasn't even been six months since this incident, so I think if you've chose to forgive him, that's your choice, but I do think that you need to wait and see if it happens again and if you can trust him. If there's no trust, a baby will destroy this relationship and I know you must love your boyfriend if you forgave him.

This is nothing to do with age, I'm only 20 myself, this is to do with how miserable you said you were only three months ago (that's only 12 short weeks) in this relationship and that to me doesn't seem the right time to think about having a child.

I do think asking whether you're employed, got a house, etc, etc, is very ageist though as I seriously doubt you'd ask these questions to a lady of 32 saying she wanted to TTC, there isn't a specific age group that is better prepared to be mothers than any other, there are women I know who're thirty and still live at home and I know 20 year old's who've got a good job and have moved out and are living independently. Not having a dig at anyone, just saying it's a little unfair on the OP to give her the spanish inquisition, it's a site for advice, not judgement surely?

At the end of the day, it's personal choice and entirely up to you honey, I just thought I'd give you my advice, oh, and welcome to b&b

 

[CharlotteLove]

I know how much it sucks to wait when you want a baby but I say... wait until he puts a ring on it and gains your trust. 19 is really young to have a baby. There are so many things out there for you to do, experiences to be had, MONEY to be saved. Choosing your life partner is so important. Make sure he's worth it. And will commit to marriage.

 

[Rigi.kun]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts about this.
For anyone who wants to know my situation it is this.
-Graduated from yr 12 in 2009 and I've recently started a new job as a trainee.
-My OH is a trades person and owns his own home and I moved in about a year and a bit ago.
-About the sexting, I did confront him about it and we are on the mends. While I haven't read that book I have found a similar website about love banks which is basically the same as a love tank and if it's low you start looking for another person who can fill it. But he is to ashamed to talk about why he did it, which worries me (he is scared of starting arguements)
-I've thought about my motivations and they are: because I feel ready and to keep the family pattern going. Because even if I become a single mum I have the best support network who would be more then happy to help.