Young parents by choice

A

AutumnRose

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Im fed up of people telling me im too young to even be thinking about children.
Whats wrong with me having a baby at a young age? I will be starting work in August to save a deposit to buy a house so my child has somewhere nice to live. Im not a career minded person who is ambitious and plans of having children at 30. I dont think i could wait that long either it would drive me crazy.
 
I suppose the thing that they're thinking is, what's the rush?
 
Yeah, that's what they think. That's kind of what I think now. Each to their own but, I could've done soooooo many things before I had Caitlyn that I can't do now!
 
i always wanted to have babies young and i dont regret having katie at all, but there are occasions where i think, i could have done this this and this before settling down. as the others ahve said, people are just thinking whats the rush. i was like you, i didnt think there was anythin i wanted to do before havin babies xx
 
i always wanted to have babies young and i dont regret having katie at all, but there are occasions where i think, i could have done this this and this before settling down. as the others ahve said, people are just thinking whats the rush. i was like you, i didnt think there was anythin i wanted to do before havin babies xx

I'm the same. I remember I was baby mad before I got pregnant. It's all I could think about, then when I was I wondered why I'd rushed so much and felt like I'd not done a lot of things. Obviously I wouldn't trade Nimah for anything, but I do have occasions where I think I should have done some things first.
 
Hey hun,
How old are you? if you dont mind me asking i am cheeky lol
I would just take it that they are saying that too you because they care about you hun. Maybe they have been through things in life and passing their advise on. I was like you though i would get annoyed at my parents especially when i wanted to move in with OH a year ago, but i did listen and have spent a year saving very hard and its worth it trust me! I think they might have your best interest at heart but can totally understand where your coming from
x
 
Im fed up of people telling me im too young to even be thinking about children.
Whats wrong with me having a baby at a young age? I will be starting work in August to save a deposit to buy a house so my child has somewhere nice to live. Im not a career minded person who is ambitious and plans of having children at 30. I dont think i could wait that long either it would drive me crazy.

hiya x

i was the same i had so many people saying kid with a kid and it hurt but now i no im better than people like this so keepur head up hun and stay as focused as you are x

i was 16 when i was pregnant with my 1st son i had him in march 2002 and i turned 17 in july the father was 18 and 8years later and 3children were still here and very much in love and now planning to try again after a m/c xx

hope spk soon xxx:hug:
 
Im 18. Trying to save as much as i can because i want my child to have the best start in life. Its not that im rushing i just want to get everything right first and plan on having my first child soon.
 
Im 18. Trying to save as much as i can because i want my child to have the best start in life. Its not that im rushing i just want to get everything right first and plan on having my first child soon.


and thats nowt wrong in what your doing you have got ur head screwed on alot more than other girls some get preg 1st and then worry bout housing lateru want the best start and ur trying to get that xx i take my hat off to you well done xx i will keep my fingers crossed for you and hope you get all you work for and get ur bfp wen the time is rite for u xx stay in touch xxx:hug:
 
I'm 18 too and personally I've always wanted kids young. I've never really be career minded either. I want to work for myself and do something I enjoy from home without having to worry the whole time about money and a job I don't really like.....

I also don't really like getting drunk or going out that much. OH and I prefer to entertain at home. We like each other's company or making a massive stew and inviting loads of people round for dinner and a film, or games or something. :)

I just see having kids as being my life and anything I want to do I want to work WITH kids, rather than having to be done BEFORE kids...

:shrug:

I know what I want to offer my kids in terms of confidence, encouragement, decent education and an approachable mother.... I'm looking forward to early mornings and making birthdays cakes and entertaining a dozen 5 year olds! Just everything about having a kid...disciplining them in an effective way (unlike some people close by...) and just doing everything possible so that my kid can do what they want in life, and enjoy things, including their mother!

There are just so many people I've witnessed bringing up their kids 'wrongly' in my books....just in a way that you KNOW they're going to have problems later (can't really go into details about what/who I mean specifically on here) that I'm thinking "I can do a better job!" Age isn't that important... IMO. Sure you'll have experienced more later on. But unfortunately that 'benefit' made my mum a bitter, twisted lady by the time I was 5.... I want to be able to enjoy life with my child, while I can still remember being one!!!!

We're currently (keeping our fingers crossed!!) waiting for OH to get into RAF, onto a decent wage so I can feasibly work on my home business and stay at home, so we won't have to pay for child care and my kid won't remember their younger years as being mother-absent! This also means we should have housing! :)

I just don't think age is important and other people shouldn't be nosey enough to stick their schnozzes into other people's business! Your choice, why should they try and talk you out of it or make you feel bad?

:hugs: Sorry didn't mean to make it that long!!! I hope you get everything sorted out asap and all goes to plan!! :)
 
I'm 19 and have a little girl that I love to bits. BUT there are SO many things that I wanted to do that I can't do now. Plus you only really consider the big things like, Oh I can't have a massive career etc but it's the little things that people forget about, like just nipping to the shop or having a shower that are also hard. I wish I hadn't rushed but well, I did, and it was unexpected and I wouldn't change her for the world
 
I want to get on the career ladder, but not aiming to hit my peak before kids. Just to get my foot in the door, so I have a career to work on when they are at school. After all, they get more and more expensive and I know I'll want adult conversation/interaction.

So I'm gonna do teacher training this September, and by June 2010 I'll be a teacher :)
I have to do it now really, or else I'll find it too hard to juggle the course.
 
Completely agree with all the other young mums, I love Aaron to bits and I wouldn't change him for anything, but looking back I do sometimes wish he'd arrived when I was a bit older (I'm 20 now). There are so many things I can't do. But there are some great benefits of being a young mum too.

Sounds like you're doing a great job preparing for your child and I'm sure you'll be a fantastic mother when the time comes. Enjoy the time you have left! :hugs:
 
In my opinion, so long as you're in a good relationship and can support a child between the pair of you (so not relying totally on benefits), then I don't think it matters what age you are x
 
Hmmm, this is a toughie AutumnRose.

I work with young people aged 10-18, and the majority are around 15. We spend most of our time trying to stop them getting pregnant, or getting a girl pregnant/ convincing them planned babies are not a good idea at that age (and this has happened in the last two weeks). The 14 YO boy in my home says that he and his 14YO gf are gutted she is not pregnant and are now going to be trying. Both are in care, but the girl sees her mum at wkends (who incidentally supports them and says she will help them). Luckily, the girl is on the depo... for now. :( That kind of thing saddens me, and I don't think mid teens should be PLANNING to become parents.

HOWEVER, I don't think you are a mid teen? I couldn't see from your profile how old you are. I have been broody pretty much non-stop since I was 17/18. When I met my now husband, we both knew we would be together always and wanted to have children together. I also was conscious that I wanted to go off to uni, train as a teacher, try out different jobs before deciding which one was for me, before bringing a baby into the world. I now know my heart lies in childcare - I'm just baby mad! I am going back to nannying and we are TTC. I am 26 in October. I always knew I wanted to have two babies by the time I was 30, and around 26 is the perfect age to me.

I say all that, but everyone is different. Socially, teenagers are considered too young to have children. I think it is important that people should have some grounding, have lived a little, know what they want from life, have a safe, stable environment for a child and can provide for all of its needs. Age doesn't come into that at all. Biologically, we are programmed to have done our child-bearing by the time we are 21, when we stop growing and maturing and cells slowly begin to die and decline. It is a social phenomenon, not a biological one, that means women now wait until their 30s for babies. The feminist movement has a lot to answer for on that score.

Just because other women are feisty go-getters and wouldn't dream of being parents until they are 40, we don't all have to follow suit. There is a lot to be said for being younger, and a lot to be said for being older. Swings and roundabouts. I am kind of ambitious, but I won't feel pressured to do a certain job for a certain number of years and a certain salary, just because society thinks I should.

My advice would be that if you have a yearning to travel, do it before babies. You can still do it with babies, but not in the same way. If you have things you would like to achieve, do it now. You will have to give a lot up when you have a baby - something that really scares me in a way.

If you have a house/home, are in a stable relationship and can provide for a baby, as well as having enough emotional maturity to cope with what parenthood will mean, then go for it and ignore everyone else. Age means nothing. Maturity means everything.
 
They say you want what you don't have.

My sis in law is 30 and having her 5th child, and she constantly thinks of everything she could've accomplished had she waited a few years.

And here I am turning 23 and broodier than ever. I'm in my 3rd year of studies and she constantly tells me to finish before having kids because of the security for the future and simply getting it done without the distraction of a child.

I guess it's easier said than done! I'm so not a career oriented person, I figure getting my degree in education will only make me a better mom. :shrug: This was never about money or a career to me, I'm doing it for myself. And education is really never a waste.

Either way, I think you just have to know what you want, and go for it!

:)
 
Actually maturity isn't everything. It's a big thing, but it isn't everything. These people around you only say this because they know that there's a million and one things you can do before you have a baby that you can't after.

If you and your partner are ready, however, then don't let what people think stop you. You can be a BRILLIANT mummy, and being young has nothing to do with how good a mum you are atall.
 
I think by maturity in this case doesn't mean drinking tea and being boring. Just means being level headed, and you can be well balanced at any age!
 
I'm the same. I remember I was baby mad before I got pregnant. It's all I could think about, then when I was I wondered why I'd rushed so much and felt like I'd not done a lot of things.

I'm glad that I waited (even if it left me really low sometimes because I was so desperate for a child). I have done so so many things that would have been restricted if I'd had children when I was younger.

It's only now that I have met the right partner (we married last August just before I turned 30) that I am fully ready in my head as well as my heart. I think maternal extinct is a really really powerful thing and it's very hard to ignore, but it's important to try to keep your pragmatic head on too!

My Mother had me at 21 and she always said that she didn't have the maturity or the wisdom to always make the right decisions (or the money), but wait too long and you'll not have enough energy!:sleep:

Speaking from my own childhood and my younger Brothers, I think that the most important thing your child can have is your love, your time, and STABILITY. Age doesn't automatically guarantee that (young or old!)
 

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