Young parents by choice

[nadupoi]

I think that you've got your head on straight. You're focused and you know what you want and you have a plan on how to get there. Even some women in the upper twenties don't even know what they want out of life. Everyone is different. We all have different needs and wants. And maybe you don't need the little things, but the next girl might. So we can't tell you what's best. You know what's best for you and what you're capable of and that's all you need to know. Who cares about the other people who say you should wait. There are unstable parents at ALL ages. If having a family and being a mom is what you want, I say go for it. And if you miss out on some things, well then that's just what will have to happen. Keep your head up.

 

[LankyDoodle]

I think by maturity in this case doesn't mean drinking tea and being boring. Just means being level headed, and you can be well balanced at any age!

Erm, exactly. I would have thought when I said age means nothing, maturity means everything, it explained pretty well what I meant, which was not that you have to be a certain age!

I disagree that maturity doesn't mean anything. I have seen too many immature people, of all ages, having children, and the results can be frightening. Those people have been various ages. I have also seen many late teens who are very mature for their years, being fabulous parents.

 

[toffee87]

Oh I know what you meant, I was explaining to toria x

 

[LankyDoodle]

Hehe, no I know, my response wasn't to you. I just quoted you to say 'exactly, thank you'.

 

[toffee87]

oooh hehe

 

[baby#4due2/16]

I was 19 when I got pregnant with my 1st we werent married but we were engaged. I dont think i was too young...and now 16 years later we are still married and our 1st turns 15 this month. And we just had our 4th on Feb 13, 2009 and we are still in love. I mean as long as you feel its right and your with the man you want to spend the rest of your life with then go for it. Its your decision and your life dont worry what others think.

 

[Hayley_Shaw]

I never planned to be a young mum, actually I never planned to be a mum at all. But when it happened I was over the moon, guess the timing was just right. I was nearly 19 when I feel prgnant btw.

Now I love being a young mum, being able to run around after my daughter is a real bonus as my family don't know how I manage it.

We are now wtc till our daughter starts school.

xxx

 

[apple84]

I'm 23 and many people think I'm young to start a family. DH and I will be married 2 yrs in July. I've got 2 university degrees and am teaching full-time for my first year (temp contract though). DH is 31 and owns a reasonably successful video business. We don't own a home yet, but are well on our way to buying and our rental home is very suitable for children. We've done plenty of traveling already and feel ready to settle down.

Socially, however, where I live (near Vancouver, BC) it is more common to wait until 30 to have kids. In fact all of my friends and family members who are pregnant or with babies are in their 30s. At work too, I think my fellow teachers would be surprised if they knew I was planning on TTC this June. I've only got my foot in the door, but that seems like plenty to me.

Sometimes I feel that people will find me irresponsible when I announce I'm pregnant (hopefully in the fall). I think people would be more accepting if it was an accident then if it was planned.

From my understanding fertility peaks (on average) in the early 20s, so why is there peer pressure to wait so long? Maybe money? a better lifestyle? Obviously you want to wait until you find your partner, so I understand that reason completely.

Sorry about the rant

 

[SpecialK]

I agree with most of the ladies here. It has to be a decision based on where you are personally. My sister got married almost 4 years ago when she was 22. Here is most parts of Canada that's pretty early. People would constantly comment on how 'stupid' it was to get married to young. But if you knew my sister and her husband you would see clearly that it was the right time for them and their relationship was more mature than any I had had at that point (and I'm 4 years older than her). Now if I had thought about marriage or children at 22 it would have been the dumbest decision I ever made. I wasn't mature enough. I was selfish and immature about love and responsibility. I met my fiance when I was 26 and we're getting married this summer. I'm 30 and just now feel that it's my time to take those steps of marriage and parenthood. I'm finally ready.

Oh my...I'm going to get the reputation of being the longest poster ever. My point is...everyone can give opinions and things to think about and tell you their experiences...and I think you should welcome that with open arms...but the decision is an individual one.

 

[helen1234]

i think people should have baby when they feel ready, as long as your financially and emotionally stable age is a number people mature at different ages.

however on the other hand i had y daughter rosie when i was 17 yrs old and had my 2nd 9 weeks ago 14 yrs later, i missed out on so much like holidays with friends going out al wknd without a care going shopping and buying designer gear or getting a car etc.. i did alot of those things but maybe not as often as i would of liked and if i'd not have split from rosies dad and he had her wknds i prob wouldnt have done it at all.

if i had the choice over i'd have waited till now to start having children i'm more mature and wiser alot more financially stable and i just understand life better.
but as it is most important is knowing how to love your baby and i love them both equally when i had Rhys as when i had Rosie i just have less worries in regards to finance and relationship.
xx

 

[JennTheMomma]

As long as you understand that babies are a lot of money and work and you are up for it, then everything is good. Personally I don't see 18 as too young. In some countries they have 4 by the time they are 18. I had my first at 22, which I don't consider to be young, but a perfect age of starting off.

 

[Aria]

Im 18. Trying to save as much as i can because i want my child to have the best start in life. Its not that im rushing i just want to get everything right first and plan on having my first child soon.

See, there's no going back once you're a parent. It's really helpful to have first-hand experience of many situations as an adult first. Things going well right this second doesn't mean things will stay so good all the time. Can you hand it if one month you were low on money? What would be your backup? Are you prepared to never be able to go out without paying for a babysitter? Are you prepared for showers to be major chores because you can't leave baby alone? If the father prepared for it to be you, him, AND a baby? Are you both ready for sex and intimacy to become a rare treat?

I come from a family where I and one of only two EVER who didn't have multiple kids by the age of 21. Multiple children before 20 is unfortunately common. A baby sounds like fun, and parts of having a baby are fun, but it's a lot of work and very expensive. Wait until you are settled for a few years. There's no need to rush. Your baby will benefit from you waiting a little while.

 

[AutumnRose]

Im 18. Trying to save as much as i can because i want my child to have the best start in life. Its not that im rushing i just want to get everything right first and plan on having my first child soon.

See, there's no going back once you're a parent. It's really helpful to have first-hand experience of many situations as an adult first. Things going well right this second doesn't mean things will stay so good all the time. Can you hand it if one month you were low on money? What would be your backup? Are you prepared to never be able to go out without paying for a babysitter? Are you prepared for showers to be major chores because you can't leave baby alone? If the father prepared for it to be you, him, AND a baby? Are you both ready for sex and intimacy to become a rare treat?

I come from a family where I and one of only two EVER who didn't have multiple kids by the age of 21. Multiple children before 20 is unfortunately common. A baby sounds like fun, and parts of having a baby are fun, but it's a lot of work and very expensive. Wait until you are settled for a few years. There's no need to rush. Your baby will benefit from you waiting a little while.

I suppose i could ask you those questions....