Your experiences - I don't know what to do.

[jessebaby]

Hi ladies,

I asked a question over on the teen pregnancy forum and was advised to come over here, so here I am.

I'm 20 am 6 or 7 weeks pregnant (not exactly sure). Me and my ex split up and are no longer on speaking terms (basically he left me for his ex). At the time he didn't know I was pregnant but I am and told him two weeks ago. Since then its been horrible he has accused me of lying and trying to break him and his girlfriend up...I really am not.

I am in such a mess now because he tells me not to call so I dont, and then he rings me asking me questions. Either he is involved or not.

How are you coping or how did you cope bringing up a child on your own and are any of you around my age?

I am worried about how my parents will react, what I will do for money etc.

Thanks so much xx

 

[lauren-kate]

Hey, I'm 20 and have a 7 month old son. I'm not with his dad, but we're still pretty good friends.

If you only told the dad 2 weeks ago, it could just be the shock of the pregnancy getting to him. When I first told Ryan's dad that I was pregnant he said a lot of things that he didn't really mean. He also told me not to contact him because he was struggling to get his head around the idea (we weren't together). Adoption, etc was suggested, but soon after, he wouldn't dream of it. This is just my experience. There are quite a few girls on here with complete idiots for LO's fathers (and I'm sure they'll post soon enough!). All of us are doing just fine, whether we have LO's father involved or not. You learn to cope with what you're dealt, and there are many positives with not having a man around

It was hard to tell my parents. My mum had always said, "I'd go mad if you had a baby before 25!", so I was worried about how she would react. But it was fine. She was in shock as much as I was, but she came around to the idea, as did my dad. They told me they'd support me as much as they could, and that we'd all get used to the idea, which surprised me. Now they love him so much, and we couldn't dream of not having him.

I'm not rich, but I manage to get by. There are many different grants, etc which you may be entitled to. You may be entitled to income support (or depending on your working circumstances, maternity allowance/maternity pay), and if you get this you will be entitled to the surestart maternity grant (a one-off payment of £500). Once baby is born, you will be entitled to child tax credits and family allowance. Depending on your circumstances, you may also be entitled to working tax credits. Can't think of anything else at the moment, but hope that helps. Feel free to ask questions/PM me. x

 

[jessebaby]

Thanks for your reply lauren, I don't think it is the shock to be honest he's just changed so much and the things he has been saying to me since is horrible, he called me a spiteful little **** and said I planned this, I would never have planned my life to turn out this way but reading all your experiences neither would any of you but you all seem to be happy and getting on with life.

Main thing I am worried about (it sounds selfish I know) but will anyone ever want to be with me again and will baby hinder chances of finding someone who loves me and him.

My mum and dad know something is wrong but I just can't tell them, they will be so disappointed and I don't want to see that.

I don't understand maternity pay etc but will have to talk to bosses etc about it at one point.

xxx

 

[brownhairedmom]

Well...okay here is my story.

I found out I was pregnant in March, I was living with my boyfriend. He always said he wanted to start trying for a baby, I said no because I was still in university (I'm 20 too). So he tried to get me to abort it, I wouldnt so he started getting completely cruel and trying to mentally mess me up so I'd do it. So I left him.

I don't have any contact with him. We've been broken up for 10 weeks now and the only contact we've had is fighting over bills, and during that fighting something about the baby gets thrown in there and it turns into a hysterical mess. So I got all the money he owes me and now we don't speak ever and I have no intention of doing so. He doesn't get updates on the baby, he gets nothing. He wasn't concerned enough before.

Your ex may be different. I would say he probably is in denial about what is going on because unfortunately it takes guys a hell of a lot longer to process it then it does us. You need to tell him exactly what you said up there, that he is either involved or he isn't because he will stress you out to no end.

My parents are so strict and I figured I'd be disowned if I told them I was pregnant. But I told them, they were actually pretty damn good about it and even let me move back in with them.

I have no idea what I'm going to do for money but at the moment I don't need to pay rent or bills so its really just my own spending money and whatever I need for the baby. I'll get some funding from the government and I'm limiting what I'm spending now so that I can save some. I have some put in a savings account in case something pops up.


Sorry really long.

 

[brownhairedmom]

Also, where are you from? Things differ in different places

 

[nikky0907]

Hey!
It's good to see you here,this is an awesome place for support.

I am 19 and now 29 weeks pregnant.Me and my daughters dad had a fling that lasted from December to January.I got cought on the pill.
Anyway,I was very lucky because he was shocked at first but didn't run away.He is now a very excited dad to be and we are still good friends,even though we are not together we still have a very good partnership for the sake of our daughter.
Now thats the pretty part of the story...the not so pretty one is that my parents have completely cut me off (but they are idiots anyway).But it's ok because I don't live with them anyway(I'm in college/university and I live alone),but I do have a great support system in my wonderful sister that lives close by...

So every medal has a rusty part... But a shiny one too!

Nothing is perfect hun....I wouldn't change anything! Seriously,I can't wait to welcome my little girl to the world.Is it scary?Yes. Nobody plans it this way but it still doesn't mean that it's not the right thing.As I said,some of the best things in life are the ones you didn't plan!

If you have faith in yourself that you can do this.....there are a lot of wonderful girls on here who have complete and utter idiots as ex boyfriends AND they are doing so great!
None of our babies won't lack love for sure...

There is tons of help that you can get,grants...everything.

Good luck!

 

[Younglutonmum]

Hiya sweetie!!

Well first off congrats on your bump!!!

I'm 20 & near enough ready to drop lol!! My pregnancy was the beginning of the end for me & my OH. He just wasn't ready for parenthood. But instead of being mature about it & admitting he was scared he was a total knob end to me. Like your ex, he was telling me not to call. He said I was ruining his life & a whole load of nasty things. He hasn't even bothered to help financially

Now though he seems to be kind of coming round to the idea of being a dad but for me it's too little too late. You'll probably find the longer your ex behaves like this the more you won't want him involved at all. You'll become more confident & excited about your new life with bump. It does get easier honestly!!

Parent wise, ok yes they may be angry, shocked & disappointed when you tell them your news but the majority of parents come round in the end. I thought my parents would be so so mad with me but once the shock was over with they have been incredibly supportive to the point that my mum is massively interefering

As for the whole being worried that you won't find a special someone in the future. Well I can assure you that's rubbish!! Me & Nikky0907 have both dated whilst pregnant lol!! And there must be thousands of single parents in the world who have gone on to meet someone new!! It does happen. Having a child doesn't make you any less desirable. I find that men in general tend to admire the work us single mummys do!!

Wooh essay here lol!! Money wise i'm sure you'll be ok. If you're in England there is so much help available to you. Speak to your employers about Maternity Pay. It may also be worth speaking to someone at the Job Centre to see what extra help you could be entitled to

You're going to be fine hun!!

 

[Irishmum]

Heya! I think you'll find an awful lot of us in here are around the 20 mark!

And Im no different. Found out I was pregnant in January, it was from a once off incident with someone I considered to be one of my best friends. When I told him I was pregnant and refused to give this baby up he turned into my worst nightmare.

I was TERRIFIED telling my mum (cannot stress that enough) she was concerned and upset but mostly that was for me. If you want this baby and all the wonderful things that will come with it (We can all back up that its a wonderful feeling) and you show that to your parents they will accept it and soon actually be happy! (believe it or not)

As far as your love life goes, it might take a bit of time to work out a schedule that would give you time to date and what not but in this day and age very few guys take issue with the fact you have a kid. I'm VERY obviously pregnant and I've been chatted up a few times in the last few months.

Everyone on here is great! And they really will try to answer any questions you have, even if they can't answer they offer support. So you definately aren't alone hun!

 

[jessebaby]

Well my ex rung me this morning apologising for his behaviour and said he really wants to see scan picture (I did put it on here but dont think it shows).

I said thats fine and hope it will be alright.

You girls are so nice I can't believe it I didn't really think I would get any replies or stupidly that anyone else would be in my situation, so glad there are other people to help give me advice xx