think im depressed :(

[leoniebabey]

Ah Hun I don't really have any advice sorry. But I am in a similar situation regarding very little help as I am on My own with evan and my family live over 60 mile away, so it's non stop the minute we get up to the minute he sleeps (plus night feeds!!) I find it reall hard sometimes and get stressed and cry holding him.

You are months ahead of me but you are doing a great job, it does seem like he cries an awful lot. I think a chat with hv would be the best thing to see what advice they have, especially as u are on your own.

Big hugs I know I've been no help at all xx

no hun you have been help at least i know im not alone in thinking like this, i feel really ungrateful because i have a beautiful boy who can have a lovely hour but he spends most of the day unhappy and its wearing me down so much.
I think the worst bit is my unsupportive family! They'll come round when im having a shiy day and be like 'oh its a tip in here you need to get things sorted' and it really get to me cause im trying my bloody best but its never good enough for their standards

 

[leoniebabey]

Do you have any friends who could help?

I really can't imaginehow you are feeling. But I really want to try and help. I know how hard it is with a small baby, but with no support from the family is terrible.

As said above could you get a babysitter for a couple of hrs? Xxx

I have a friend who comes round and that shuts morgan up for a bit but i just feel so down i really cba with folk.
I dont have any friends who i would trust to take him without me there, there all a bit immature, even though im only 17 myself im like an old lady complared to all of them
I wouldnt even know where to start to look for a babysitter, im dead funny with leaving him too which is why i only like to leave him with family when they acyually offer

 

[oliviarose]

Oh I know what you mean about leaving lo with other people. Do you think he senses that you are stressed? Does he play up more when you are upset.

If the crying all gets too much, leave him I a safe place and leave the room for 5mins, this might help you feel less tense xxx

 

[leoniebabey]

Not really because i start off fine, i say shh shh calmly or sing songs to distract him so i only get stressed after he's been crying for ages and then i have to just leave him in a safe place, which he hates even more. I was hoping leaving him for a little while might make him realise he's not going to get picked up for evey little cry he does but it seems to make him worse, he gets mad at me for leaving him and acts up more

 

[oliviarose]

See sweetie I really am at a loss as to what else to suggest. You have tried everything. I know it might not seem like it but you are doing a brilliant job. When he cries does he seem like he is in pain? Or Is it more of a moan cry?

 

[leoniebabey]

it different from a whinge to a cry to a scream he seems worse if i actually lie
him down he screams (makes changing time very difficult) he fights his sleep so much so screams when i try to get him to sleep which i usually have to restrain him and let him fall asleep on me, which he usually wakes up when i try to put him down.
If he doesnt have his nap he wont eat dinner which ends up in screaming in the hightchair till i take him out then he gets stressed cause he's hungry but too tired to eat.
He cries if i leave him in a room on his own like it's the end of the world and now he's started to be clingy if people hold him he'll just dive forward and whinge for me to get him or he'll just reach out for me.
Thanks for all your help and advice though hun im off to bed to get ready for another stressful day

 

[daisii]

have you tried going to baby groups? You could try your local sure start centre. Your HV will have details. They are free and a great place to meet other local mums who will really understand your situation. you might find making friends with other local mums, and your LO making some baby friends, will give you another support network. It might take a few weeks to make friends but once made you might find that there will be people willing to pop round and watch him whilst you have and hour or two to yourself! Also your LO making baby friends might help his inderpendence.

So sorry you are in this situation and really hope it improves soon.

 

[Nervous_1]

I see that your LO crys a lot when you put him down - perhaps you could get a baby sling so he isn't put down yet you still have your hands free to pack a changing bag/do some housework? I've been thinking of getting a moby wrap (google it - they look fab!) for this very reason. I'm so sick of feeling guilty just for putting him down just to do something simple like answer the phone because he screams so much!

Also, are you able to just throw some clothes on yourself and then put LO in a buggy and just take a walk around the block? It might help LO settle for a nap for an hour or so, and you might feel a bit better for having had some fresh air

 

[daisii]

baby sling a great idea! I use mine every morning as LO is always clingy in the mornings! That way he is happy and I can get breakfast/make a cuppa/do a bit of housework etc.

 

[Nervous_1]

What kind of sling do you have daisii? Most of the slings I've seen are one-shouldered and I'm a bit worried about my back as I've had problems with it in the past.

 

[Miss_d]

Could you not speak to your family and explain exactly how you feel? They might offer to give you a break now and then, it's worth a try x

 

[GypsyDancer]

aw leonie he doesnt hate you..anyone can see that from your pictures on fb he's such a cheeky little thing!
i know how it feels to be down and low, like youve got noone to talk to, and everyone else is enjoying their lifes ect, an when your having stressful days all you can focus on is how horrible its been..if you dont get on with yoiur health visitor..is there not a doctor you could see..one to see if there is anything they can do for you? if your feeling so stressed and down maybe they can give you something? and two..maybe to get them to check your little boy..maybe theres a reason he's crying so much that hasnt been suggested yet if he is just a clingy baby..hopefully its just a phase he'll outgrow..
but i kknow babies can sense when were stressed and it reflects on them..even if your not stressed with him to begin with, maybe he's just picking up on yourself feeling down..
your doing a brilliant job really you are..i really think you should talk to a doctor
and ignore comments abot the house! my mum and OH are always making comments i said to my mum the other day "think back to when you had me was yoiur house really that tidy??" she then replied "yes! it was never like this! my house was always spotless" thanks mum..just ignore it all people forget how time consuming it can be..

 

[daisii]

What kind of sling do you have daisii? Most of the slings I've seen are one-shouldered and I'm a bit worried about my back as I've had problems with it in the past.

I have a snugli baby carrier, i actually picked it up in a charity shop!!! but it is like a rucksack on your front! need the two straps as my LO is 10lb 11oz!!!! not carrying him on one shoulder!!!!! Especially as he gets bigger. Most the snugli's can be forward facing when the LO is bigger and face you to start with.

I use mine in the house, and out and about to walk the dog.

 

[charlotte-xo]

aw dont feel down, your lo doesnt hate you!! it must be so hard on your own, is there not anyone at all that could play with him for just an hour or take him to the park just why you get things done. id take him to the drs and see if theres a reason behind the crying, for the bath thing if alfies being abit clingy or his reflux is playing up i take him in the bath with me its just alot easier i find and he seems to like it.

not much advice really sorry but ive got plenty of

i hope things get better for you.

 

[RCMC]

Just wanted to say sorry that you are having a hard time. Sounds like you are going through it. In terms of advice I'd say that you probably need to speak to your family (maybe even show them the message that you've written here) and explain exactly how you are feeling. Even an hour a week of help will make a difference. Another thing you could do is get one of those backpack things. I got a real old fashioned rucksack that I put my LO in sometimes when she's fussy and I do a bit of housework or cooking with her in it. She's one now and I ccann still lift her in it. Maybe that could help. Also, try to get out for a walk round even if you have to leave in scruffy jeans and a hoody with no bag for baby. It doesn't mattter just get some fresh air.

Really hope things improve soon x x x

p.s. your baby doesn't hate you. I can promise you that.

 

[kerrie24]

Just wanted to say im in newcastle too if you want to pm me we could meet up sometime and go to a group or something.My baby Owen is 9 months tomorrow.If I stay in the house all day I can feel the same as you,I prefer to be out and have people to talk to sod the house work

 

[08marchbean]

hun Morgan doesnt hate you! my LO was exactly the same untill a few months ago. i find that she is bord in the house and just crys and crys. if you know he is fine, just leave him to cry in the cot till you quickly get ready and take him out. my LO is so much better now she can crawl and stand and get to where she wants. i think sometimes they cry out of frustration of wanting to do something but cant.
have you tried a sling/carrier to use around the house if he crys when you out him down?
Hope you have a better day today

 

[aob1013]

I think you need to talk to someone, HV or GP. They can refer you to someone away from the situation to help you talk through things.

 

[sophxx]

have you thought about ringing home start they can send some one round for a few hours a week to help put or just be a friend they also have groups

i voulenter for them and it really helps alpot of women

https://www.home-start.org.uk/needsupport/need_support

 

[Raggydoll]

Aw hun, you seem so isolated. Morgan doesn't hate you, the fact he wants to be held by you shows he feels most secure with you. It can be terribly draining though.

It's must be hard with not a very supportive HV. Do you find your GP easier to talk to?

I agree with others about joining some groups. Also have you tried meet a mum on Netmums. It can be less daunting if you arrange a meet up with less mums.