10+ months TTC, support??

[flamingobaby]

Just got our 9th no and really don't know how much more of this I can take. Been TTC since Sept 2009. I never ever thought it would take this long. Been married 4+ years now and we kept putting off having kids until finally last summer decided to start after Labor Day. Been charting for 6 full cycles, using Preseed for the last 3.

Hardest part has been everyone around me (seemingly) getting pregnant. The worst was my younger sister (3.5 years younger) having a baby (1st grandchild) in April without even trying to get pregnant (married in June, pregnant in July, told us in the middle of our first TTC cycle). I love my nephew dearly but her pregnancy was very hard for me. Haven't told anyone (besides the doctor) that we are TTC and I get lots of comments about my nephew needing a cousin, us needing to have kids, etc. Since we started TTC younger SIL also got pregnant (with their second) without even trying. It's been very frustrating for me.

We did take a month off and that was nice to relax a bit, but I still really want a baby and each month the no just gets harder. Feel like I must be broken or defective somehow. Had annual exam last October and they said then we had to be TTC for 1 year before getting help. Really didn't think we'd need it but it's starting to look like a possibility. =(

Since we're not telling anyone (I have 14 sisters between blood sisters & SILs, that's just too many people discussing something like this) I could really use some support, reassurance. Thanks. =)

 

[Canagirl]

I know it is hard. I'm on Month #6 of TTC and know how you feel. The first couple months of "no" weren't so bad, but after that it got harder and harder. It is upsetting every month now. As you say I notice a lot of pregnant women around - I'm sure they were always there, I just notice them more now.

It is hard, but you have to try to look for something positive. It just takes some of us longer to conceive. They say after 12 months, 85% should become pregnant. We spend a lot of our lives trying not to get pregnant, so when we want to get pregnant we (at least I) just assumed you'd stop using birth control and it would happen.

The people on this site our very supportive. You're not alone. Sending your way

 

[Glitter_Berrie]

I feel with you hun, Its a hit or miss and hopefully after all this time you were patient, you will get your BFP, in the mean time, hope things get better for you! Glad we are here to support you! Wish you all the best!!!

 

[leelee6284]

Hi,
i know where you are coming from me and DH started TTC in september2009 also we will be married for 3 years this september. My younger sister ( 3 years younger) got pregnant last november but ended in miscarage, and is now currently 14 weeks along. She told us they were expecting a couple of weeks ago and i am happy for her, but i did cry all the way home. I had my yearly last week and my midwife said that in septeber she would send me to the fertility specialist, but in the mean time to get things going she did the blood work they would do at the 1st appointment and i'm going for a pelvic ultrasound on the 20th to make sure everything that should be in there is there Maybe you could try to do the same my midwife said it would get us going faster with the fertility specialist as sometimes there is a wait for the appointment. But in the mean time i hope you get youras i am hoping for mine and September is only a few months away

 

[emilyjean]

We've been trying since August of 2009, so I know exactly how you're feeling. Month 10 was the month I gave up and called a fertility specialist, because 6 months of clomid didn't work for me. I do have an underlying cause though, or I wouldn't have been given clomid so early. My husbands cousin just found out they were pregnant, after starting to try in February. It only took them 3 months, and it was a bit devastating for me at the time. It sucks feeling so upset during a time that should be happy for everyone.

Everything will work out, one way or another, whether it seems like it or not.

 

[bcage]

flamingobaby it's not right that your mind could be eased by going to the doctor for testing, but that you have to wait another few months. if you haven't spoken to the doctor too much, can you lie about how long it's been? if not, try and keep focused on that. it's two more cycles, then you can get some information.

every cycle i try something a little bit different - and that keeps me marginally sane. i say marginally.

we've been married for +3 years, and all of my friends who got married after us are pg or with first. if i'd known it would take this long, i would have started a lot earlier!!

you're not alone, keep talking and discussing and venting (when necessary!)

 

[CapitalChick]

I wholeheartedly support a little white lie about how long you've been TTC. I lied through my teeth...and I'm glad I did. After 4 months TTC, I told my doc that it had been a year. She agreed to runs a bunch of tests, which is how I discovered that I had some health issues that were preventing me from getting a BFP. Once those were cleared up (took 4 months), I immediately got pregnant.

 

[keyahopes]

Am with you on this hon. TTC our first for 10 cycles and I know i'll be moving on to the next cycle pretty soon. It is hard hard hard. I've decided i'll wait for 2 more cycles and then go to the doctor, 'cause I don't want to lie to the docs that we've been trying for longer. I keep telling myself that there must be a reason for doctors recommending waiting a year.
Meanwhile, my closest friends all fell preg on their first or second cycle and have been popping babies out left right and center the last 3 - 4 months. I've been trying to enjoy their babies as much as i can, but there is always that hurt deep down.
Worse, I keep thinking that if I were lucky like the others, I may have been holding my baby in my hands any time now.
There, I didn't do much to help right? I try to take hope from the fact that a lot of ladies here who have been trying for more than a year managed to fall preg with or without help. to us all

 

[flamingobaby]

Thanks so much, everyone. We've made little tweaks each month so I keep hoping something will happen soon. For now each month I focus on all the stuff I can do that I wouldn't be able to if I was pg (jet skiing, occasionally drinking) but that's small consolation for not having a baby. Just nice to hear from other people who have had troubles too since it seems too many people I know either get it right away or without trying.

THANKS!!

 

[mlynn95]

Flamingo Baby, your posting caught my eye. I too am going on 10 months of "ttc" and the pressure to have a family by family is enormous (especially when you have EXTREME Mormon in-laws). So feel free to vent anytime. No one knows our deal in my husband's family and everyone keeps getting pregnant, no problem. It just makes me jealous and angry. I have finally started seeing a therapist about all of this.

Husband and I are 33 and have been married four years (we're the only non-Mormon individuals on his family's side). We've had EVERYTHING checked and I'm on clomid. The 50mg did nothing, 100mg finally ovulated and third round of 100mg made me o but nothing. In the meantime I have my mother-in-law telling us we need a real baby and not a dog. Feel free to vent anytime and stay strong!

I sometimes think we should have started this process a long time ago, BUT I totally did not want children so I'm just trying to enjoy this time without kids and stay busy doing other things (easier said than done, but I'm trying).

 

[maaybe2010]

I hope you get your soon hun!
I know how hard it is when things take a long time. . . . .

Also though some people say they weren't trying when really they were
Just something I think about when I feel angry about someone I know getting pregnant, I never really know what they've been through to get pregnant.
We tried for 16 months before we concieved our lost angel but everyone (family, friends etc.) thought it was unplanned

 

[Sofiekirsten]

I understand exactly where you are coming from....we have now been trying for 15 months and its so frustrating when you want it so badly....

My SIL has just given birth and I am so jelous its unreal....

Figers crossed for everyone for there 's

 

[mlynn95]

Thanks ladies! Love you all and sending fabulous baby dust vibes to everyone. xo

 

[flamingobaby]

Thanks, mlynn95. I finally called the doctor this week (after another no) and have an appointment in 2 weeks. I get a lot of comments from my sister that has a baby about how her baby needs a cousin, etc. I want to be like "I get it! I want kids, that's not the problem!" It's very frustrating. Hoping the doctor will find an easy fix and we'll get our positive soonish.

Lots of times I think we should have started this process sooner but we've done a lot of stuff in the last 4 years that we wouldn't have been able to do with kids (traveling, bought jet skis, sent husband back to school) and I've really enjoyed the freedom we've had. I completely understand the staying busy with other things. Especially now that we're to the point where I thought we'd have a kids or at least be pregnant. It's just hard.

Thanks and I hope you get your positive soon too!!

 

[mlynn95]

Oh, I totally understand. People can be so rude with questioning. Do they not know how sensitive and fragile we are during a time like this? They assume it's a quick process. Little do they know what's happening.

It's never ending! When are you going to get engaged? When are you getting married? When are you going to have a baby? When are you going to have another one?

I understand looking back, but I was NOT ready then. I have to keep telling myself that. I know it's hard. I totally feel the same way. I'm glad there's others that share the same emotions.

Fingers crossed for you my friend!

 

[flamingobaby]

Oh I know. The worst part about this time was that we were spending the weekend with my family and my period started on Sunday...while I was with them. I tried to act like the tears were from really bad cramps.

I wasn't ready for years either, I didn't want kids and then all of a sudden it was like a switch flipped and I was ready.

Thanks and you too!!

 

[BritAcrossSea]

As like everyone else whose replied I can also relate. We've been ttc for 15 months and yes each month the disappointment is hard. It's good that you've contacted your GP. I kept bugging my dr since about our 9th cycle but I did have spotting problems, which led me to be investigated early. Best thing I done though was not to wait 'cos now we have had our first FS appt and if we hadn't have had the tests beforehand this would have held us up. Maybe ask about getting your DH's soldiers tested as well while you're at the drs. Keep positive and keep those FX.

 

[mlynn95]

Flamingo Baby, last month my sister-in-law (pregnant with her third) along with her two kids and my husband's brother were planning to spend the weekend with us. I got my period three days before they were supposed to be here and made my husband cancel and come up with an excuse because it was all too painful. I cried all weekend. It's so hard to internalize it! I totally relate!

I have a doc appointment Friday to find out how much longer I should stay on clomid. I think you said you have an appt in a few weeks. I've been through everything (blood work, HSG, etc)! So let me know if you have any questions and I will try to help. I feel like we're going through the same exact things right now.

I was told I had a luteal phase defect but it was easily corrected with clomid...so we'll see how it goes. I'm thinking about just taking a break from this because it's so consuming and making me crazy. Thank god for therapy!

 

[pegara]

I completely feel your frustration. We've been trying since May 2009. I've gone through blood tests and ultrasounds, and everything looks healthy - with the exception of some abnormal endometrial thickening. My doc isn't sure why it is happening since everything (hormones, etc) are all normal. She's referred me to a gyno, but I can't get in until at least October. I'll be 34 in six months and can't stand that every month is a let down. I'm so stressed and depressed about the whole situation. I've tried temperature, ovulation monitors... to no avail. I spend most of the month with spotting or my period which makes it impossible to determine when I'm actually ovulating. For example - July I had about 6 days without a period - it comes and goes. The doc thinks it's due to the thick lining that won't stop shedding.

I'm so frustrated and everywhere I go people seem to be pregnant or have babies. I love my niece and nephew, but every time I see them it makes me sad that I may never have that. We can't afford to do a lot of fertility treatments, and adoption isn't an option because we're both paying back such big student loans that they won't consider us.

All of our friends and family comment on how we need to have kids. I've made it clear to pretty much everyone who mentions it that it's not for lack of trying... It might make them uncomfortable, but what right do they have commenting on that - you never know how long someone has been trying, or their history. My SIL has two gorgeous babies, but has gone through five pregnancies - no trouble conceiving, but trouble staying pregnant - we all have different stories.

I just don't understand why something that is supposed to be so natural is so difficult! *sigh*

 

[mlynn95]

Pegara-It's so nice to know when there are others that feel the EXACT same. If you are spotting midcycle and on I'm thinking you could have a luteal phase defect. That was my problem! I am on 100mg of clomid & it stopped mid cycle spotting and my levels jumped from a 3 to almost 18 because of it.

If you end up with clomid, get it at Costco...it only cost me $15 (my insurance won't cover it).

Clomid still hasn't worked for me yet, but I'm so sick of family asking "when are you going to have a baby?" They don't know we're trying, but it's not something I care to share because then they'll say, "so any good news?" and bring it up all the time. One day someone is going to catch me on a bad day and I'm going to SNAP and they'll be sorry they asked.

I can't be around family with kids right now. I can't go to baby showers and you know, I feel like it has helped staying away from all of that.