10 Ways to Piss Off a Pregnant Woman

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by ruaaur, May 29, 2013.

  1. ruaaur

    ruaaur Well-Known Member

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    Came across this article today and I can relate...OH how I can relate :dohh:

    Feel free to add to the list!

    http://www.scarymommy.com/10-ways-to-piss-off-a-pregnant-woman/

    here are just a few universal nuggets that I’ve found if you’re looking to poke the pregnant bear.



    10. Tell her your birth story. Even if she starts to walk away, just follow her with every gory detail about your birth. The more painful and horrible, the better. And be sure to keep asking her if she’s scared. If she says “no” just ask her if she’s sure or tell her that she should be. Maybe she needs to hear about your episiotomy again.



    9. Suggest a name. It’s doubtful that she and her partner have put a lot of thought into choosing a name so it’s important that you weigh in on this decision with a couple of names you thought of on the way into work. If you come up with a funny one be sure to greet her stomach with it, for example scream, “How’s it going in there, Ass-Clown-Charlie Brown?!” Be sure to lean on the surname when you say it.



    8. Comment on her size. If she’s looking big be sure to ask if she’s sure there isn’t two in there or if she’s sure she’s due in two months and not at noon. If she looks small be sure to ask her where she’s hiding it or suggest maybe she just swallowed a grape. This one might also make her worry that something’s wrong so it’s a nice double whammy.



    7. Jump in with “Just you wait until the baby comes” anytime she looks like she’s enjoying herself or if she’s a little too happy about the baby. Clearly she doesn’t realize how difficult it is to have a baby so it’s up to you to make sure she doesn’t get too excited. Babies are awful.



    6. Tell her what she should and shouldn’t be doing. It really is amazing that she made it as far as she has considering how reckless she’s being with her diet and daily routine. Normally you wouldn’t care but seeing as there’s a baby involved, you better get in there and smack that coffee out of her hand; or better yet, just give her dirty looks and shake your head. That will teach her. You don’t want your tax dollars going towards that kid’s tail removal someday.



    5. Ask her if her pregnancy was an accident. The less you know the woman the better because it will make her realize that you don’t approve of her reproductive schedule (of course you would never come out and say that because that would just be rude). An even subtler comment would be, “You know how that happens, right?” Everybody in the room will think it’s funny but she knows, and you know, that you’ve just pointed out that she’s had sex. If she becomes offended, just tell her it was a joke and to lighten up then roll your eyes and say “hormones”.



    4. Ask her if she knows what she’s having. If she tells you the sex ask her if she’s disappointed that she isn’t having the opposite (on the off chance that she says “yes”, be sure to tell her child that their mother didn’t want them at an age appropriate time). If she says that they aren’t finding out the sex, act surprised and say “Don’t you want to know?!”. Say it in a way that implies that she isn’t interested in her baby.



    3. Ask her if she conceived naturally especially if you don’t know the woman very well. Be sure to ask her in front of other strangers if possible. It’s a great question because if she used fertility treatments she has to reveal a very person, private part of her life and if she didn’t she also has to reveal a very person, private part of her life. If she says that it’s none of your business, you can just hold up your hands in defense and say, “Whoa, easy, I was just asking a question. Someone is touchy today.” She can’t win. It’s a delicious catch 22.



    2. Toward the end of her pregnancy, be surprised every time you see her. Say things like “Are you STILL pregnant.” and “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” and extra helpful “I guess it just doesn’t want to come out” – which is nice because it points out the delivery she is *clearly* putting off and it’s a little gross too.



    1. Touch her belly. The less you know her, the better. Just walk up to her and start molesting her stomach. Make an “MMmmmm” noise while you do it. If that doesn’t get her going, put your face right up to her belly button and talk into it like a microphone. Ask the baby how they’re doing and listen for an answer. If that still doesn’t upset her, comment how her baby doesn’t move much because it didn’t respond to your voice and how she may want to talk to her doctor about that.



    Good luck!
     
  2. Nicole1979

    Nicole1979 Member

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    This is great!
     
  3. sharnahw

    sharnahw Mam to my sweet Lily Rose

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    haha brill!!! i can so relate to a few of them ... specially number 7
     
  4. Roo321

    Roo321 Well-Known Member

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    This made my day! Thanks for posting!
     
  5. Pielette

    Pielette Mum to little men

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    Haha love it!
     
  6. greeneyes098

    greeneyes098 Well-Known Member

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    That is fantastic!!! :D :haha:
     
  7. Al1317

    Al1317 Well-Known Member

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    Hahaha love it! Number 9 and #1 really get to me!!! Thanks for sharing!
     
  8. Missy08

    Missy08 Well-Known Member

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    Those are hilarious...and SO true! I can related to almost all of these (especially the ones about commenting on size, touching her belly, and asking if it was an accident)
     
  9. optimistic1

    optimistic1 Mommy, Daddy, and Nadia!!

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    I've heard 8,7, and 2....I hear just about all three in the same conversation atleast 5 times a day!!!!!!!!
     
  10. Rosie604

    Rosie604 Mommy to Princess Emily!

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    Ohhh the experiences that are coming to mind! This is wonderful, thank you for sharing =] It really made me laugh, and scared my hormones off for a minute or two.
     
  11. LilMiss_91

    LilMiss_91 Guest

    I've experienced 6, 4 and 1. I was buying some baby things in Superdrug a few weeks ago and the girl serving me started off politely enquiring about how far along I was and making all the usual "aww" noises. Then this:
    Her: "Do you know what you're having?"
    Me (smiling): "Yeah, it's a little boy."
    Her (with a PITYING look): "Ohh, is that what you wanted?"

    HDHSJSNDGSJ?! WHO SAYS THAT?! I was so taken aback, I honestly couldn't believe that she thought that was an appropriate question to ask. Even if I had experienced gender disappointment it would still be absolutely none of her business! :growlmad:
     
  12. motherearth23

    motherearth23 Well-Known Member

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    This was funny. My pet peeve has been people asking what last name the baby will have! (We are unmarried) And also asking when/if we are getting married. The thing is.. we are getting married and baby will take his last name, but what if we weren't going the "traditional" route? I think my raging hormones just won't tolerate any questions lately.
     
  13. Equreuil

    Equreuil Well-Known Member

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    #1 and #9.

    Only one person has tried (aside from hubby, who's allowed). The story of my reaction got around fast and no one else has dared. He barely dodged my swinging hand.

    And my brother, while drunk :wacko:, decided he didn't like my name choice and started suggesting others. Most of them ended up being the names of hubby's nephews or of friends' kids.

    And I have a #11 - If the pregnancy is unplanned, harp on asking if she's actually happy about it. This one happened to me today. Being behind a tall motel check in desk, people on the other side can't see my belly. Someone who hasn't seen me in 8 months comes in and asks what's new. I show off my bump and that's what happened after mentioning that we hadn't been trying.
     
  14. ruaaur

    ruaaur Well-Known Member

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    Glad you all enjoyed it! :) I know that I'm a little (read: a lot) crankier than usual now that i'm almost due, and this made me laugh a little. Nice to know that I'm not the only one that gets annoyed lol!:haha:
     
  15. suffolksazzle

    suffolksazzle Well-Known Member

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    This is brilliant, I can almost relate to all of those!
     
  16. suffolksazzle

    suffolksazzle Well-Known Member

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    We get this a lot too as we are also unmarried. We have been together 7 years and engaged for 2 years. I dont want to get married yet, dont see the need. We have a mortgage, 2 cats and a baby on the way, dont need much more commitment at the moment. One of the old-skool 77-year-old doctors I work with went as far as calling my LO a '[email protected] child' to which I didnt know how to reply! I was shocked he came out with it and just walked away. I couldnt be arsed to justify myself to him.
     
  17. motherearth23

    motherearth23 Well-Known Member

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    Wow that's insane. I would have been majorly pissed. :growlmad:
    Our marriage plans are too loosely defined for some people. We never officially announced our pre-pregnancy engagement. It was just sort-of like "Wow we are great together wanna get married someday?" :hugs: So now when I tell people that yes, we are getting married... everyone wants to know dates. And we just say eventually lol. Here in the US birth certificates still have checkboxes for "legitimate child" yes or no. So being unmarried when Samson is born means he will have the no checked off for his life and be considered and illegitimate child. I think it's rude that birth certificates still do that, and really outdated. :S Oh well.
     
  18. ruaaur

    ruaaur Well-Known Member

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    [/QUOTE]

    Here in the US birth certificates still have checkboxes for "legitimate child" yes or no. So being unmarried when Samson is born means he will have the no checked off for his life and be considered and illegitimate child. I think it's rude that birth certificates still do that, and really outdated. :S Oh well.[/QUOTE]

    NO! That can't be true! ( I mean I believe you, but that's so appalling!)

    Leave it blank or check yes. Every child is legitimate...unless there's a law that says that you can't have a baby out of wedlock..and as far as I know: there isn't. Your procreation is law-abiding thank you very much. Man. I am SO scandalized on your behalf!!
     
  19. runnergrl

    runnergrl Mom to 2 boys and 1 angel

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    this made me smile on a very unpleasant morning. I am a ball of raging hormones today for some reason and everything is pissing me off TBH. I have my own to add that is similar but not on the list.

    I had a man yesterday ask when I was due while I was training a client (I am a personal trainer) I replied, August and you know what that A$$hole said?? "OH My word, what terrible timing!"

    are you effing kidding me? I know it was in reference to the heat of the summers here, and implying how miserable I am going to be. It was so insulting. As if he was thinking we should have planned the timing of the due date a bit better.. like trying to avoid the summer. what a douche.
     

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