Came across this article today and I can relate...OH how I can relate Feel free to add to the list! http://www.scarymommy.com/10-ways-to-piss-off-a-pregnant-woman/ here are just a few universal nuggets that Ive found if youre looking to poke the pregnant bear. 10. Tell her your birth story. Even if she starts to walk away, just follow her with every gory detail about your birth. The more painful and horrible, the better. And be sure to keep asking her if shes scared. If she says no just ask her if shes sure or tell her that she should be. Maybe she needs to hear about your episiotomy again. 9. Suggest a name. Its doubtful that she and her partner have put a lot of thought into choosing a name so its important that you weigh in on this decision with a couple of names you thought of on the way into work. If you come up with a funny one be sure to greet her stomach with it, for example scream, Hows it going in there, Ass-Clown-Charlie Brown?! Be sure to lean on the surname when you say it. 8. Comment on her size. If shes looking big be sure to ask if shes sure there isnt two in there or if shes sure shes due in two months and not at noon. If she looks small be sure to ask her where shes hiding it or suggest maybe she just swallowed a grape. This one might also make her worry that somethings wrong so its a nice double whammy. 7. Jump in with Just you wait until the baby comes anytime she looks like shes enjoying herself or if shes a little too happy about the baby. Clearly she doesnt realize how difficult it is to have a baby so its up to you to make sure she doesnt get too excited. Babies are awful. 6. Tell her what she should and shouldnt be doing. It really is amazing that she made it as far as she has considering how reckless shes being with her diet and daily routine. Normally you wouldnt care but seeing as theres a baby involved, you better get in there and smack that coffee out of her hand; or better yet, just give her dirty looks and shake your head. That will teach her. You dont want your tax dollars going towards that kids tail removal someday. 5. Ask her if her pregnancy was an accident. The less you know the woman the better because it will make her realize that you dont approve of her reproductive schedule (of course you would never come out and say that because that would just be rude). An even subtler comment would be, You know how that happens, right? Everybody in the room will think its funny but she knows, and you know, that youve just pointed out that shes had sex. If she becomes offended, just tell her it was a joke and to lighten up then roll your eyes and say hormones. 4. Ask her if she knows what shes having. If she tells you the sex ask her if shes disappointed that she isnt having the opposite (on the off chance that she says yes, be sure to tell her child that their mother didnt want them at an age appropriate time). If she says that they arent finding out the sex, act surprised and say Dont you want to know?!. Say it in a way that implies that she isnt interested in her baby. 3. Ask her if she conceived naturally especially if you dont know the woman very well. Be sure to ask her in front of other strangers if possible. Its a great question because if she used fertility treatments she has to reveal a very person, private part of her life and if she didnt she also has to reveal a very person, private part of her life. If she says that its none of your business, you can just hold up your hands in defense and say, Whoa, easy, I was just asking a question. Someone is touchy today. She cant win. Its a delicious catch 22. 2. Toward the end of her pregnancy, be surprised every time you see her. Say things like Are you STILL pregnant. and Havent you had that baby yet? and extra helpful I guess it just doesnt want to come out which is nice because it points out the delivery she is *clearly* putting off and its a little gross too. 1. Touch her belly. The less you know her, the better. Just walk up to her and start molesting her stomach. Make an MMmmmm noise while you do it. If that doesnt get her going, put your face right up to her belly button and talk into it like a microphone. Ask the baby how theyre doing and listen for an answer. If that still doesnt upset her, comment how her baby doesnt move much because it didnt respond to your voice and how she may want to talk to her doctor about that. Good luck!