13 weeks scan- no heartbeat. :(

[aimze]

i saw the poor lifeless baby too an will always remember my floating seahorse...i actually went for a second scan knowing my baby was dead because i wish i had a photo so i am glad i saw my little one and they hadn't already been rejected by my body.

big hugs for u al xx

 

[beth5555]

Feeling a little better today, though I wish I didn't have to wait to have a procedure for this to be officially done (keep feeling like it's already done and then I remember I still have the D&C on Tues, ugh)... Have been talking to friends and family ever since I got the news yesterday and feel very loved and supported - don't regret telling any of them...I am so ready to put this behind me and try again... I've heard some people say you are "extra fertile" after a D&C - hoping for all of us that is true! Also we have to remember that miscarriages are so common - most likely we will all go on to have healthy pregnancies after this... Guess this one just wasn't meant to be...

 

[macydarling]

I'm so sorry beth. I know how hard it is. Even if it is physically safe for us to wait for d&c it is certainly emotionally trying esp when blindsided like we were they should do d&c much more promptly when there is no hope of natural miscarriage.
I'm sure your eggs are fine the baby was just too beautiful for earth so she had to go to heaven! I wad told that my problem was not producing enough progesterone so next time I may need hormones shots? I don't know much about this. It was my first cycle ttc and first pg.

 

[FeLynn]

now a days everything has risks to it. I have had 1 d&c and 3 d&e's I have naturally miscarried as well totoal losses 3. I am terrified about all the what if's for a new pregnancy. I still have yet to accept my loss. I just cant wrap my head around why her little heart in the 13th we??? I hope all you ladies are dealing well with your losses I know its not easy.

 

[beth5555]

i was also told my progesterone was low too (13) at my 8 week appt...from internet research I've done, i think it's hard to tell if low progesterone was the cause of my mc or if it was just a side effect (i.e. something was wrong w/ the baby, the pregnancy was failing, and therefore my progesterone dropped). No way to know unless I'd had my progesterone tested earlier in the pregnancy (which I will obviously do next time). My doctor thinks it was more likely a chromosomal abnormality based on the fact that size/heartbeat looked good at 8 weeks, no spotting, etc. At my 8 week appt, even though the heartbeat was strong (151 bpm) and the fetus measured 8 weeks, my OB was a little concerned b/c she said the amount of amniotic fluid was on the lower side and the yolk sac had an oval rather than round shape (this is why I had the follow-up scan at 9 weeks - and low and behold the baby had died at 8 wks, 4 days). She says she has seen the lower fluid 1st trimester w/ chromosomal abnormalities. In any case, she is going to send my D&C contents for chromosomal analysis.

On another note, I am definitely looking for a new OB. Even though mine is technically very good and came highly recommended, she was so cold and robot-like through the whole experience. I feel like the least she could have said when we realized the pregnancy wasn't viable was something to the effect of "most women go on to have healthy pregnancies after this, you will be fine"...something, ANYTHING comforting. She only said "sorry". Her office staff sucks too. I need someone who is positive and reassuring ...and will use this time of recovery/waiting to try again to find someone I actually like.

 

[macydarling]

i definitely know what you mean about the insensitivity. i was absolutely hysterical, crying my eyes out, nose running & everything when the nurse insisted on drawing blood. no "are you ok?" or even "do you need a tissue"? nope, she just snapped the rubberband on my arm & stabbed me with the needle. no goodbye or anything just "you can go now".

 

[FeLynn]

Honestly if I were to get pregnant again no words will ever comfort me. I was terrrified of another possible loss. I was told b/c I had kids that the first 1 was just what happens and the 2nd one was bad luck the 3rd I was told you will be fine you heard the heartbeat you x amount of weeks pregnant ( i kept being reminded as if I wasnt keeping track myself) I was told its uncommon to miscarry a 3rd time in a row and blah blah blah. then I lost my baby at 13.2 weeks her little heart just stopped we have no answers as to why so yeah Ima be a freaking wreck and Im not telling a soul well I may talk about it on here b/c these women have been so supportive but I will hide it for as long as I can in real life.

 

[macydarling]

Honestly if I were to get pregnant again no words will ever comfort me. I was terrrified of another possible loss. I was told b/c I had kids that the first 1 was just what happens and the 2nd one was bad luck the 3rd I was told you will be fine you heard the heartbeat you x amount of weeks pregnant ( i kept being reminded as if I wasnt keeping track myself) I was told its uncommon to miscarry a 3rd time in a row and blah blah blah. then I lost my baby at 13.2 weeks her little heart just stopped we have no answers as to why so yeah Ima be a freaking wreck and Im not telling a soul well I may talk about it on here b/c these women have been so supportive but I will hide it for as long as I can in real life.

Awe...hugs. it will be ok. You aren't alone.

 

[beth5555]

You definitely aren't alone, I'm so sorry, can't even imagine how I would feel after going through this 3 times. Big hugs. Honestly the thought of getting pregnant again terrifies me as I so don't want to go through this again..Hopefully by the time I am cleared to try again (heard it may take at least 6-8 weeks for af to come after D&C) I will want to... I know what you're saying that no words can comfort you, esp after 3 times...I don't think it would comfort me either, but it made me feel worse that she didn't even attempt to say anything comforting...may be irrational but the fact that she said nothing like "don't worry, this doesn't mean you won't carry a healthy pregnancy in the future" made me think "she doesn't think my body is capable of carrying a healthy pregnancy". She also kept making reference to my age (just turned 36), as if my eggs are probably all bad

 

[FeLynn]

You definitely aren't alone, I'm so sorry, can't even imagine how I would feel after going through this 3 times. Big hugs. Honestly the thought of getting pregnant again terrifies me as I so don't want to go through this again..Hopefully by the time I am cleared to try again (heard it may take at least 6-8 weeks for af to come after D&C) I will want to... I know what you're saying that no words can comfort you, esp after 3 times...I don't think it would comfort me either, but it made me feel worse that she didn't even attempt to say anything comforting...may be irrational but the fact that she said nothing like "don't worry, this doesn't mean you won't carry a healthy pregnancy in the future" made me think "she doesn't think my body is capable of carrying a healthy pregnancy". She also kept making reference to my age (just turned 36), as if my eggs are probably all bad

sorry hun! many women have kids while they are in their 30's so its possible. I hope it all works out for you. I know i can not endure another loss it broke my heart to see my baby on the screen and I was so happy and then the dr crushed me when they said there was no heartbeat. I look at my baby girls ultrasound picture often I wish she was still in me. More then likely she would have been my last baby since I have all boys I just wanted a girl to completely our family so I wasnt out numbered. Either way if I do or dont have more kids my family is complete and I love my kids to death. Im just so devastated that as fast as i had my princess I lost her!

 

[PinkCupcake]

I know exactly how you feel. This is my first pregnancy as well...I just found out this afternoon (9 week US) that my baby's heart had stopped beating...and we saw a strong heartbeat with good measurements only 1 week ago (8 wks). I feel like I will be forever haunted by that lifeless blob I saw on the screen today when last week it looked like a baby. I feel gutted, empty, so sad. Although, I can't explain it I had a feeling something was wrong from the beginning... I just turned 36 and now feel like all my eggs will be bad, ugh.. I also have to wait till next week to get a D&C (going in on Tues am)...must not be that urgent though if so many of us have to wait... This just sucks.

I can't agree more beth! I couldn't and still can't understand how my baby looked so human like with little features at the first scan, when I was 8 weeks 1 day. And then how the baby looked just like a rock laying in my stomach at my 12 week scan. The shape had totally gone and I have said from that day on, how the image will never ever leave my head. And those words aswell! "i'm sorry but baby has made no progress from 8 weeks roughly' It's crazy how it all changed within hours, and what made it change when everything was so perfect before! It's the unknown that's so hard to understand

 

[beth5555]

Thought I was doing really well, but I haven't been able to stop crying today...I just want this pain to stop...Maybe after the D&C I'll start to feel better - but I'm starting to get really scared about that too...And who knows how long it will be till af arrives...Just really down right now. We have plans with friends tonight and I'm making myself go, hope that's the right thing and I won't break down in the restaurant!

 

[macydarling]

Awe. Yea it comes and goes for me as well. I had a good cry last night. Nothing wrong with that! It helps. Its good to get out though! Tomorrow I'm going to get a pedicure treat myself. Just relax and breathe. We will have some closure after d&c I'm sure.

 

[beth5555]

I agree, having the D&C behind us will help.. What day is yours?

 

[macydarling]

This Monday. Ive heard dh can hold our hand up until we fall asleep

 

[macydarling]

Hello ladies. Just thought I would update you. I had d&c yesterday and it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. Though it did seem like I was waiting forever! I got there at 1 and wasn't home til 6. I'm barely bleeding at all today.
The nurses were just lovely to me. Everyone was so nice and supportive. They even gave me a bracelet with a butterfly charm on it and a book of prayers and poetry specific to my situation.
Honestly I think the darn iv hurt worse than anything. It burned and ached so bad when they started up that antibiotic! If anyone else is having one soon I strongly recommend waiting to shower til the next day. I felt fine and wanted to spray myself off down there. I don't know if it was the pain pill (I only took half) or the anasthesia but I passed out right there in the shower after about a minute. God thing dh had insisted on being in there with me!