15 newly single, newly pregnant help? :/

[hollyday98]

hey,
So, I was in a relationship with my ex (of 3 weeks) for a year, I thought we were in love and we'd always be together ect.. I basically fell for the typical teenage romance thing. BUT around 5 weeks ago descovered that i was pregnant... We both decided that there was no real reason not to keep the baby as we were still together and we could make it work. BUT three weeks ago, he called me to tell me that he didnt love me anymore, and that he wanted to break up... I was devastated. I was so dependent on him for everything. He helped me through my parents seperation after my father was abusive, he made me feel safe. But now that i look back on things he wasnt that great. Since the break up hes been spending more and more time with 'friends' that do a lot of different drugs and go out every weekend, go to school high... stuff like that. I guess he's not the person i thought he was, I've accepted that now. But I'm finding it so lonely. He wants to be there for the baby, but doesn't help me out or anything like that. I'm coming up to 12 weeks so it is still early days, but I'm finding this pregnancy pretty hard. I don't know if that's just because I feel so alone, but I don't know how to get myself out of this loneliness. I suffered with pretty bad child hood depression and social anxiety, both of which i overcame in the last few years, I'm just looking for ways that could stop myself from falling into an unhappy life again. :/ does any one have any suggestions as to how i could over come the lonely feeling? I have plenty of friends and stuff at school, but during the relationship he kind of cut me off from them all, and secluded me, i think that's why i was so dependent on him... (just as a side note, I cant wait to be a mum, i not unhappy about the pregnancy) I'm just wondering if theres other people like me, or groups i could go to? stuff like that

 

[Caitie44]

If there are any Planned Parenthoods (or something similar), try calling them and see if they can refer you to a teen mom group. When I went in for my pregnancy test, that's what they did for me. I definitely understand where you're coming from, though my friends distanced themselves from me during my pregnancy. I'd also just approach your friends - update them on what's going on, apologize for distancing yourself, and show you want them back in your life. If they're good friends, they'll accept you back in. =)

Also, I know it may not seem like it'd be a ton of help, but maybe try to find a buddy on here to talk to, even if it's just a private message every few days. That's what I did, and it helped so much to talk to someone who was going through the same things I was. If you ever want to talk, you can message me! I'm nineteen, but I had just turned sixteen with my first pregnancy.

I hope things start looking up for you, and just think of your little bean whenever you feel down!

 

[Fallacy]

I agree with the pp, definitely get back in with your friends if you can. Just explain the situation, and if they are good friends, they should let you back in.

I've been in relationships like that where I kind of let it become too much and stopped talking to friends. So I definitely know where you are at right now. Get in with some mommy groups! I wouldn't know what to do without the few friends I have that are also young with children. Some people cope differently with becoming parents young, so I'm glad to see you're doing well with that idea so far.

Believe me, once your LO comes, every little smile will make it all worth it. It's hard, but worth it.

I'm 22, but I was 17 when I first got pregnant.

 

[skyesmom]

i think your ex is just scared of being a father and all the responsibility it brings, and after being supportive of the decision, it dawned on him that the fact you're pregnant means having two people to take care of for the rest of his life - you and the baby. so you know, this is an overwhelming thought for an adult man as well, let alone a teenager, so in panic he tried to get rid of one of those two responsibilities and run away (doing drugs and hanging out with wrong people is just a mean to run away from things and numb himself, as well as not being there for you).

it is totally normal to feel lonely like that; it is also normal to drift apart from friends when you fall in love, in the situation like yours even more so. But talk to them - some may understand and stay. you are all very young and you'll see that in the course of life you'll have many phases with close people around you that you love and call friends, phases where you are very close and ones where you drift apart but that doesn't mean that you care any less for each other.
you could re-approach them as pp's said, tell them what's up and see who comes and supports you. they can't help you much unless they know what's really going on.

what is your family situation now? do they know you're pregnant and are they supportive of your decision? is there any adult you could talk to in your family, an aunt, a grandma, your mom about how you feel?

depression is a serious thing and when these feelings creep up on you, just remember it is normal to relapse, and it is as normal to get out of it again. depression is a sort of a weird friend you learn how to live with. there may be days where you'll fall back, but when you do, remember that there were days when you weren't depressed and those will come back sooner or later. the most important thing is to accept your feelings and don't hide them from the people around you so that you could build a support system for yourself.

also, if you have a GP or a midwife or any medical person following your pregnancy, you should mention them your history of anxiety and depression so that they can give you extra care, especially in the first weeks after the baby is born and your hormones withdraw (nearly all the women experience a crying phase after giving birth due to hormonal change but some end up with a sadness that stays for longer and can evolve further).

 

[x__amour]

We're always here to support you.

 

[Anaconda]

Feel free to come on here and talk to us

I was 17 when I had my daughter. I'm 19 now and will be 20 (if he doesn't come early) by the time this bubs comes. Although my OH has always been there for me (we've been together 5 years this month!) I understand what you're going through.

When my daughter was born we were living at my mom's. Unfortunately, OH and mom get along, they just can't stand live together. We ended up at his mom's, but she's mental, so we left. I'm back at my mom's but OH has to stay at a buddies until we have enough rent. Lets just say things were going in the right direction and then people screwed us over... :/

So I know where you're coming from when you feel lonely. Although OH and I are together and so incredibly happy with each other, it's hard not having him around 24/7 like before. I find myself crying to bed some nights

Do you have friends to talk to? Hang out with? Keep your mind on other things?

Feel free to message me any time you want!

 

[maryalex]

Hiya I was 16 when I had my daughter im now 20 I was in the excact same position as you now, I mean this in the nicest way possible you need to forget about him if he wants to be involved or not leave him to it u need to prepare yourself for your little baby, if thats one thing I regret its running round wasting my time on a pathetic excuse of a dad instead of treasuring the moments of being pregnant he chose not to see me daughter and shes now 3 u need to learn to love yourself and stand on your own 2 feet xx