16 weeks now and still not told any of my family :(

[Holly82]

This is my usual bug bear. I struggle to find the guts to tell my side of the family that we are expecting again. Hubby told his family and they were surprised, as I expected, but they are his family so he can deal with that part lol! I don't need to hear the whys or moaning lol.

I know I need to at least tell my mum soon, as I'm starting to show and we meet up for coffee once a week and there's only so much covering up I can do with my cardigan, but I just don't want to have to deal with her reaction, which will no doubt be of disappointment and 'why?'. The worst one will be my gran as she's not very sympathetic and sees all of life's minor ups and downs as disasters! Unless it's something fantastic, she can't deal with it and will worry herself sick with possible problems. Urrrgh! telling my dad doesn't really worry me too much, although I don't suppose he would be impressed either. Gosh, you wouldn't think I was a 33 year old married woman! Keep thinking I just won't tell them until I have to

Every time i get pregnant, I find myself in this same predicament. Trying to find the guts to tell everyone. Silly thing is I told all my friends and acquaintances and they were happy for us and wished us all the best etc.

Any advice please? Xxx

 

[crownest]

Why would they be upset or disappointed? Could they surprise you and be happy

 

[Hotbump]

Sounds like my mom, I'm telling my family after we find out what baby is.

 

[Amygdala]

Why on earth wouldn't they be happy for you??? I'm guessing you might not be in a great position financially or maybe have a lot of kids already? But even then, a new baby is something to celebrate, not complain about. Surely whatever difficulties they see can be overcome and won't be made easier by them complaining? I'm sorry you don't have more support. But you definitely shouldn't feel like you need to hide this! Be proud of who you are and what you're doing with your life! If they can't support you, then their opinions don't matter.

 

[jellybeanxx]

I don't get why they wouldn't be happy for you? Especially if you're happy! Maybe tell them in a letter or email so you don't have to deal with their reactions face to face if it's going to be stressful for you. I hope it goes better than expected!

 

[rose.]

Why wouldn't they be happy for you?! I hope they surprise you when they find out - otherwise they're really not worth your love and thought

 

[Jessicahide]

Hi Holly you poor sausage,

Sounds like you have shared things with your family before only to have them rain on your parade, i can completely relate to this.

At the end of the day, it's your life and family and they didn't help you make the baby so they should keep their opinions to themselves xxx

You will probably find they will now change what they are cross with, now it will be an opportunity to say to you "you should have told us, blaaa blaa blaa..." And you can say, why would i, you all are to busy making everything about yourselves rather than offering support xx

Good luck Holly, and congratulations xxxx

 

[Lucasmum]

Awww hun big

When I was first pregnant at 30! I was the same didnt help my and the guy had only been together 5 minutes they were all disappointed you would have thought I was 14 the way they reacted 10 years on they werent much better I dreaded telling my mum but got it over with as quick as possible and now she has time to get her head round it she is mega excited probably more so than me

I sucks to have that feeling but I'm sure once she is used to it she will be just fine

 

[Lorpezlza]

I sympathise hun.
I dreaded telling my mum this time. My 3 Previous announcements never went well and resulted in us not speaking for weeks, even though I was happy.
It's best just to bite the bullet and tell her, you might be surprised.
This time with announcement no 4 and being 36, she was actually over the moon! I was completely baffled but at least it was over and done with.
Sometimes parents just worry and show it the wrong way.
Good luck hun, if your happy that's all that matters in the end. X

 

[ElsMommy26]

I completely sympathize with you.

When I had my daughter, I was unmarried and was not even with the father. My mother, after she made me feel horrible about myself, didn't speak with me the rest of my pregnancy. My sister said some words that will probably sting forever, then also ignored me until my daughter was about 1.

Fast forward to today, I am expecting baby #2 (boy) and I am in a happy and loving marriage with an amazing man (who is also an amazing father figure to my daughter). Somehow, my mother was still disappointed with me, and my sister also found some reason to stop inviting me to family functions.

Here is the life lesson that I'm so glad I learned, though. Sometimes, your happiness ignites misery in others. My mom and my sister, at the very core of it, are miserable human beings. They are judgmental, to both their "friends" and their foes, and no matter life brings them, they choose to be negative. But you know what? That's not my problem, nor your problem! This time, I held my head up high. I don't care what they think. They are not speaking to me, and I think it's a blessing that I don't have to deal with their crap! If they don't want to be involved, that is entirely their problem, and whatever they think of me is none of my business. I just don't care. Hold your head up high! At the end of the day, it's not going to be your mother raising this child (I assume). When you're ready, announce your news and be proud. Sometimes, the minute the mother starts with her rants, I politely inform her that her comments are not welcome, and I remove myself from the situation. Best of luck to you - I know what it's like to have others try and suck all the happiness out of you, but CONGRATS MOM! Smile

 

[Holly82]

Thank you all for your replies xxxxxxxxxxxx love the support xxxxxxxxxx

This is baby number 9 for me (5th for me and hubby) so I'd say that's the reason. But then again, I've never known an occasion when I've announced my pregnancies and they have been happy for me. They know I lost a pregnancy in November last year (eptopic) and was sympathetic towards me, but told me it was probably my body saying it had had enough. I lost a tube too and the doctors thought it would be unlikely for me to conceive again, so it's fantastic it's happened. I sometimes feel that nothing I do is good enough for them. I have previously stood upto them when telling them and come across in a positive way, but it's not made any difference. My mum is the most understanding one, but my gran....that's a whole different story!

We are moving house soon, 350 miles away, so they won't even have much involvement or see us much soon, which is sad, but I'm kind of pleased about (we are not exactly a close family, more of we will say we will do things together, but doesn't really happen). Sorry if that sounds negative x they don't really have anything to do with the kids either.

I think I will tell my mum once I've had my 20 wk scan in a few weeks, we will be moving not long after lol.

 

[aidensxmomma]

I can sympathize. I didn't tell my dad I was pregnant until I was around 19 weeks. He isn't exactly a supportive dad and he's not a great grandpa, either. I knew his reaction would be less than enthusiastic, so I kept putting it off. As expected, his reaction was indifferent at best and he's taken the few opportunities we've talked to make back handed comments about how I shouldn't have had any more kids. He still hasn't gotten over the disappointment of me having my older kids in my teens (he disapproved of their father, too). So despite the fact that I'm with a great guy and my situation is dramatically different than it was when I had my older kids, he can't see beyond the past. It's his loss, though. Every one else in mine and OH's families are all excited and happy, and they're the ones that are going to be around.

We didn't tell OH's mom until I hit the third trimester...too much family drama with her so we put it off for a while. It would have been incredibly stressful if she would have known sooner and this pregnancy has been hard enough.

 

[PubMissus]

I found it so difficult to tell my family.. So my OH did it in the end as I just kept putting it off..

Just an "oh" reaction from them really, don't think my mother is too pleased.. OH's family and our friends are thrilled..

I don't talk to my family much anyway, so I've just not really spoken to them about it at all, as I know they won't have much to say..

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I'm waiting till 20weeks. I feel it is my choice to wait...and I honor that x

 

[Sunshine Star]

I would say when you announce don't sound apologetic! Not if its something you are in love with. Let them feel their own emotions but don't let that change yours and who you are ❤️ Be happy.

 

[Geebug x]

We have told both of ours we are trying as I didn't want it to be a huge surprise for this exact reason.

Both have said we are too young (26 and 28!) and should enjoy life and each other more, that we should own a place - we are buying when we get back from Florida next March, and should be married and more financially stable. We probably wont ever get married but they don't need to know that, and our finances are a lot better than a lot of peoples!

Thing is, there is never going to be 'a right time'

xx

 

[Anababe]

My mum was very disappointed with this one.. and I was so nervous to announce to everyone really as it's baby number 5 for me, me and my partners first and we have only been together a year so people will judge. It took me a while to tell the world but in the end I thought they can judge away, I'm a good mum, my OH is amazing with my children and we are happy so as hard as I find it, it doesn't really matter what people think. I'm 31 years old.. I wish I could stop worrying what people think, most things i cant and let it get to me but I had to with this or they would ruined the moment for me and OH.

It annoys me that now all I get is.. I hope your getting sterilised after this one! As if it's been a huge mistake and I need to guarantee to everyone it won't happen again.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

My mum was very disappointed with this one.. and I was so nervous to announce to everyone really as it's baby number 5 for me, me and my partners first and we have only been together a year so people will judge. It took me a while to tell the world but in the end I thought they can judge away, I'm a good mum, my OH is amazing with my children and we are happy so as hard as I find it, it doesn't really matter what people think. I'm 31 years old.. I wish I could stop worrying what people think, most things i cant and let it get to me but I had to with this or they would ruined the moment for me and OH.

It annoys me that now all I get is.. I hope your getting sterilised after this one! As if it's been a huge mistake and I need to guarantee to everyone it won't happen again.

Same here. Together 11 mths. People assume I do not want more...I currently do not but thats no one elses choice nor assumption!

 

[Holly82]

Oh it annoys me so much! Why do people think they have the right to know what you want?? I'm fed up of worrying about people what people think, all it does is get me mad and stressed. Usually I don't care, but when it comes to my babies I guess I get a bit protective xxxx