16 years old and mobile

[4 boys]

Parents with 16 yrs olds

I'm just so frustrated and angry because since my son turned 16 he thinks he can do what he likes when it comes to his mobile.

1 he's put a lock on it
2 he constantly hides phone when you go near him
3 he back chats saying I can do what I want I'm 16
You can't take my phone off me
I can do what I like
Wants to take phone to bed at night ( I have NEVER let him and don't agree I should?!!

IS IT ME OR AM I OVER REACTING.
ANY OTHER PARENTS GO THROUGH THIS AS IM JUST WARN DOWN WITH IT

I understand he's growing up but I've decided phones need to be switched off 8pm. Both my 13 and 16 yr old sons are on phone from getting up til I make them switch off before bed.

Anyone share there house rules or life's with tennagers

Thanks mums

 

[maryanne1987]

At 16 I was living alone, working to support myself so obviously to me the rules seem OTT and they just wouldnt work for me or my family but that In no way means you should change them if you feel they are right for your family. I personally don't take electronics away at bedtime, we largely follow an unschooling approach and are big on personal possessions and not dictating how they are used. But we are big on teaching the dangers of over use of electronics and the side effects then leaving the children to make informed decisions with their possessions. Obviously that approach is not for everyone though. Could you sit down and work out a compromise with your son to save the conflict? Maybe you could both meet in the middle in some way. He may feel happier then feeling like he has a say and is being listened to.

 

[Sarahcake]

Like the PP I was living in my own place, working a full time job and taking care of myself. So in my situation, those rules are a bit excessive. That does not in anyway mean I'm saying your rules are wrong as it's your household, your kids

I think maybe a compromise could be reached where he is allowed to have a bit more freedom but on the understanding that he has to show his phone to you on demand without question?

I don't have teenagers yet so no real experience unfortunately.

 

[SoldierWife]

I'm not sure about the UK but phone companies in the US allow the ability to shut off many of the functions online or from the company's app. My children are younger but I worked for a cell phone company for a while and helped many people with a similar issue.

Many people set up like a "charging station" in their kitchens so at night they require everyone's phones be put in the kitchen to charge. This way no phones are in the bedrooms at night.

 

[CRWx]

I only have experience of what I was like at 16 and I would have seen that as an overreaction, yes. Each to their own, though!

 

[LoraLoo]

My 16 year old has a lock on her phone and im fine with it but shes a sensible girl. She is also allowed it at night and in bed although i i do remind her not to stay on it too late (which im pretty sure she ignores &#128517
I would not be standing for back chat though...the internet would be getting flipped off fir that in my house.

 

[sabby52]

When my son was 16 he was working a job and studying, his phone was his property and I didnt expect to see what was on it, he had it locked and kept it in his room, he took it to bed when he wanted. I understand everyone is different and we all have different rules, each to their own but the rules above are a bit extreme for me, but they are your kids so they should obey whatever rules you make. My eldest started back chatting at about 14 (nothing major, just trying to make his voice and opinions clear) but if he ever told me he could do what he liked, he would know all about it!!! He is 19 now and has a kid of his own and even now if he told me he could do what he likes, he would get it lol My house and as long as he lives under my roof he will be respectful.

 

[.Mrs.B.]

I do think you're being hard on him. If he switches his phone off at 8pm he will likely miss out on a lot of social interaction among his friends and at 16 it can feel like a massive deal. Also I think that his privacy should be respected so having a pin lock and hiding the phone seems fair enough. I'd have been so embarrassed if my parents read my phone when I was 16 and I would have been devastated if they'd taken it from me.

 

[daneuse27]

I can see both sides. I do feel the privacy of a teenager needs to be respected. My parents didn't respect mine, and it was very hard for me at times. They did not have passwords to my email addresses, or MSN account (haha.. MSN ) which would have been devastating to me. Unless he given you a reason that makes you feel you should need to snoop, then I would let him have his privacy with the phone.

I do believe in time limits though, or at last a teenager paying their own way if they want their phone 24/7. When we were young, all we had was a family computer so my brothers and I had to wait until eachother were finished until we could have a turn. I don't think that was a bad thing at all. Although there is a whole social world going on online, I don't think being 'digitally connected' 24/7 is good for anyone and I think teaching him about balance and limits is a good thing.

Maybe you could give him an option, or decide for yourself what works better for your family. He either agrees to certain time restrictions you have ( not later than 10pm, cannot take phone to bed, etc) which personally I think works the best. Or the other option is you could make him pay for the phone himself so he is fully responsible for the bill, as well as any maintenance, etc.

I prefer the first option personally, as it promotes limits, and restrictions on technology that he will hopefully instill on himself into adulthood. Plus, he would learn to manage his time; while the device is off limits, he can use that time to sleep, or get homework done. Putting him in charge of financing the phone bills would be a good experience for him too, but it may also cause resentment from him if it isn't gone about in a positive way. I think whatever rule you go with needs to be discussed with him calmly, with reasons provided as to why this is the best option for him and for the family.

Good luck, hope things get better. x

 

[Zephram]

Parents with 16 yrs olds

I'm just so frustrated and angry because since my son turned 16 he thinks he can do what he likes when it comes to his mobile.

1 he's put a lock on it
2 he constantly hides phone when you go near him
3 he back chats saying I can do what I want I'm 16
You can't take my phone off me
I can do what I like
Wants to take phone to bed at night ( I have NEVER let him and don't agree I should?!!

IS IT ME OR AM I OVER REACTING.
ANY OTHER PARENTS GO THROUGH THIS AS IM JUST WARN DOWN WITH IT

I understand he's growing up but I've decided phones need to be switched off 8pm. Both my 13 and 16 yr old sons are on phone from getting up til I make them switch off before bed.

Anyone share there house rules or life's with tennagers

Thanks mums

I do think that's overreacting. He's 16, he's a practice adult, he's not a kid anymore. I think we need to trust our teenagers with a little autonomy - if we show them we trust them then they react by being trustworthy. That's the way my parents parented and my brother and I never did any crazy.

At 16, 8pm is early! There'll be lots of chat going on at that time of night and I think it's an unfair restriction. I also think he should be allowed to have a lock on it, 16 year olds are entitled to privacy. It's no different to a locked and hidden diary back in the day. You wouldn't read his diary, would you?

I think what you need to do is talk with him about cyberbullying and internet safety and not sending naughty pictures to people or giving out personal information. You could also agree apps he's allowed to use. But otherwise leave him to it.

If you really have a problem with him having some autonomy over his phone, then tell him to go and get his own job to pay for it. Sounds fair to me.

I worked part time while still at high school when I was 16, heaps of kids do it.

 

[loeylo]

At 16 I worked, I bought my own mobile phone and had a sort of mini contract (I think if I tipped up by £10 per month I got 1000 free texts or something) and my parents knew never to touch it. I also used msn messenger a lot and my parents respected my privacy.

At 16 there was a lot of things on my phone that I wouldn't want my parents seeing - not because it was naughty (most of it was fine!) but just general chat between friends, talking about the latest gossip and sending smoochy text messages telling my boyfriend how much I loved him.

To be honest if my parents put those restrictions on me, I'd have rebelled and probably bought a secret phone or something.

16 is the age of consent and a 16 year old can legally get married. I think it's quite harsh to limit phones to 8pm, even for your younger kid.

What are your reasons for these restrictions?

 

[4 boys]

Thanks mums I appreciate your advice.
Now I definitely feel I'm too harsh.
Because it's holidays he's had phone on till around 12 midnight it's just attitude I get upset about. All phones are put together at night for charge and they get in mornings
It's things I've seen on phone that have really got me and I know we cant protect them always but after all the teenage talks I thought he'd understand what's right and wrong but I will have to deal with it.

The main reason I need to cut back on phone time is when it's time for revision or school he jus doesn't care I had a really hard time a few month ago with GCSEs ( no results yet) he jus wasn't interested in doing anything jus friends..
He's choose to stay on school do a levels I just hope he gets the results he wants to progress.
I understand the privacy and we all been there I just want him to understand it's not all his rules

Thanx again mums

 

[loeylo]

Thanks mums I appreciate your advice.
Now I definitely feel I'm too harsh.
Because it's holidays he's had phone on till around 12 midnight it's just attitude I get upset about. All phones are put together at night for charge and they get in mornings
It's things I've seen on phone that have really got me and I know we cant protect them always but after all the teenage talks I thought he'd understand what's right and wrong but I will have to deal with it.

The main reason I need to cut back on phone time is when it's time for revision or school he jus doesn't care I had a really hard time a few month ago with GCSEs ( no results yet) he jus wasn't interested in doing anything jus friends..
He's choose to stay on school do a levels I just hope he gets the results he wants to progress.
I understand the privacy and we all been there I just want him to understand it's not all his rules

Thanx again mums

Yes, but this isn't time for revision. This is time for them to unwind. I'm a teacher and kids often use their phones for revision, there are lots of apps which help, my kids take pics of their revision notes and any notes on the board in class. It's a more portable revision device, if you look at it that way. It might look to an adult that they aren't revising, but a mobile phone can definitely be a revision tool.
I think taking phones away at night is fine, but 8pm is definitely too early. So what if he is up to 12am during the school holidays? Teenagers have different body clocks to adults. They naturally stay up later and wake up later (lots of peer reviewed articles back this up)

I'm glad that you are able to look ok at this objectively and are reflecting on what you have decided to do. Your son might just appreciate that you are willing to consider his view on this one. I know that when I was a teenager, if I felt my mum or dad wasn't listening I definitely got more defensive. When they took my view on board and consulted with me when making rules, I was always happier to follow them.

Another thing to consider is that many kids actually do most of their socialising on social media now. So while you think taking his phone off him will encourage him to go out more, his friends are all sitting at home on their phones, so it's actually more likely to isolate him further.