18 months!

[kbkb]

We hit the 18 month breastfeeding milestone today! While I was really really happy and excited at making it to a year, 18 months is feeling much more emotional. Maybe because it feels like my little baby is becoming a boy and slipping out of hands so quick...or maybe because I have to be away for work for 3-4 days and will not be nursing him then.

Our journey- We breastfed on demand since birth, moved partly to solids at the beginning of 6 months and dropped feeds very very gradually as the little guy started eating. He still LOVES the warmth and comfort of breastfeeding. H
He was always really bothered by teething especially as he was sprouting molars, so we did go back to middle of night nursing after being night weaned for 2-3 months (just after his 1st birthday). It has been an incredible journey. He now kisses his mama once he is done nursing which is just INCREDIBLY cute and makes me I do not want to take away his main source of comfort but I am tired as well after 18 months of pumping at work, nursing on demand at home and so have started 'dont offer dont refuse' and distractions when he asks to nurse outside the usual bed time feed and midnight feed. He wants to nurse a lot more when I am at home on weekends.

Thats it! just wanted to share...and a big thank you to all the lovely ladies in here who were so supportive and positive and made such a difference with their stories.

 

[Tacey]

Congratulations! What a lovely journey! It's totally normal to have mixed feelings, and I hope you settle into a pattern you're comfortable with.

 

[Bevziibubble]

Aww congratulations! You've done so well

 

[kbkb]

thank you ladies! appreciate the kind words.Especially given that there is little or no positive reinforcement or advice outside of here for mothers who choose to nurse toddlers. Just way too much judgment .

Tacey- I had some questions for you.I have been following your posts and you are honestly a huge inspiration. ..i was just relieved to read your post that its normal to have mixed feelings...i am exhausted nursing DS but I do know that it means a lot to him. He has huge separation anxiety (and I work) and is a hugely spirited toddler (very chatty, very active) so i think it helps him reconnect with me. But its very draining to manage a hugely energetic toddler, a job a house and still be available to nurse! He sleeps easily with others when I am at work, but If i am home then its nurse to sleep or massive cryathon.I dont want a teary ending to what is a beautiful relationship. So as confused as i sound,wanted to ask
- did you put in any limits to nursing and at what age? how did you phrase it? was there violent rejection? when did that go away?
-if he is violently resisting any curbs on night time nursing, do you think he is not ready to wean? How do you know when they're ready?
-what were the factors you thought aboout before you decide to nurse as long as you did?
Any experiences you can share would be very welcome. Thank you again!

 

[Tacey]

Ahh thanks! Enormous post coming up - get a cuppa

It sounds like you're doing an amazing job with him, especially while going to work too. You're right, it is hugely draining and I find I can start to feel like my needs come at the bottom of the pile. I've got a lot better at sometimes putting myself first for the greater good. The 'oxygen mask on an aeroplane' analogy is really useful for me - sometimes we have to put ourselves first to be able to look after our children to the best of our ability. Which leads me on to...

did you put in any limits to nursing and at what age? how did you phrase it? was there violent rejection? when did that go away?
The first time I really limited Alice was when I was pregnant, I think she was about 2 years 3 months. It all happened very quickly really, as she went from being a total boob monster who nursed at least 6 times a day, and 3 times at night, to me night weaning, and drastically reducing the length of feeds. I don't think I was exactly a great example of good technique! I remember lots of times when I just rolled on to my tummy and said "Just leave me alone!" I think limitations were a shock to her. My La Leche League leader gave me a good bit of advice - don't sit down! The moment I looked comfy on the sofa was an instant cue for her to nurse. In the end, I decided I would let her nurse when she wanted, but I would limit how long for. I would count down from 5. Sometimes I'd let it go on for quite a long time, sometimes I counted immediately. She took to it really well, and would come off before I got to 0, and I'd feign amazement that she was so quick. A friend of mine however had no luck at all with that approach, it really upset her son, so I guess you have to just find a way that works.

-if he is violently resisting any curbs on night time nursing, do you think he is not ready to wean? How do you know when they're ready?
Difficult one. I guess that on a basic level, he's not ready to wean until he gives it up, but I don't think it's so black and white. You have to think about you can realistically offer him. That's what it came down to for me. I got to a point where I 100% could not nurse at night any more. To carry on would have negatively affected our relationship, so overall it was the better choice.

-what were the factors you thought about before you decide to nurse as long as you did?
I think it's more a case of my feelings of wanting to stop have never been strong enough to override Alice's (and Arthur's) desire to continue. She gets so much pleasure and comfort from it. She's a very independent, and frankly pretty unaffectionate sort of girl, and our one session a day gives us that bit of connection. I am fortunate to have support from lots of places. I'm not sure I'd have found it possible otherwise. I'm sorry you've not had so much support I hope you can get it here.

I'd recommend reading 'How Weaning Happens'. Even if you're not intending to stop, it's a lovely book (keep tissues at hand though - it's a bittersweet read!). It's got lots of personal experiences and I found the variety really comforting. There really is no one size fits all.

I know I've kind of said it, but I think it's really important to not forget your needs. Getting enough sleep, eating well, and staying hydrated are such basics but so easily overlooked. When I feel I'm at my limits with nursing is often a cue for me to look after myself a bit more, and it usually passes - well, maybe not entirely!

Nobody can tell you the right way to cut down or when to stop. I hope whatever you decide to do, that it goes smoothly for you both. Don't ever forget what a great start you have given him

 

[MoldyVoldy]

congrats making it to 18 months! (well 19 now)

 

[kbkb]

Tacey, Thank you for taking the time and patience to post this!!!! i did go through a green tea mug reading it lol
I love how you put it..'oxygen mask on an aeroplane' ...100% true!!!!
I am going to try the counting down to nurse...and I am never sitting down in that nursing position at home! haha...And you're right. It has been a very busy 2 months for me and have not really been taking care of myself so feeling a bit run down, so the night nursing is wearing me down more than usual.

After reading what you wrote, I felt confident to again without fear that I will permanently damage him in some way! So last night , after his bath we had a conversation- I told him that he was such a big boy, and big boys get a lullaby when they sleep but no milk (like he did with Grandma and nanny)-so we were going to do that .Just tried to sound very confident and nonchalant (of course I was not)...he was like- milk? I just firmly said no...but you can pick the lullaby. Picked one. Rocked him a bit. Bam. off to sleep. HUH?????????????????
He did nurse once in the night -i was too sleepy to resist
I'm not fooling myself- it could be a one off, he was super tired, had missed his evening nap etc etc. But am still feeling upbeat! and confident that I can try this with confidence and no tears.

Thank you again...Its my husband and women like you who keep me going! much appreciated.

 

[Tacey]

Yay! Sounds like a brilliant start! Well done to both of you

 

[kbkb]

Just an update- 4 days and no bedtime feed...Not claiming its over yet. Last night was a bit of a struggle for about 10 mins..kept asking for milk, but I just repeated that he would get a lullaby.Worked eventually.....
Middle of the night feed still remains. I am just NOT good at determination at 2 or 4 am!! Would refusing that one be too extreme i.e. give it time? or give it a go? (that is if i can register in my sleep that i need to refuse!!)

 

[kbkb]

sigggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh......Update- so no bedtime feed for 3 weeks and then BAM..just came back as suddenly as it was gone. Well, what can I do..