1st midwife appointment >:(

Discussion in 'Teen Pregnancy' started by XxXsusieqXxX, Jun 2, 2011.

  1. XxXsusieqXxX

    XxXsusieqXxX 2nd trimester :)

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    Hey, sorry I haven't posted for ages, been a bit busy so just been having the occasional read on here.
    anyways... went to my first midwife appointment today and as soon as I walk in she went to me and said
    "I've been looking at your medical history and taken in to consideration your age...are you happy to be pregnant?"
    I said kind of but its more of a shock really and the fact that I still expect something to happen.
    she goes to me and say's.
    "I don't think this is the best idea for you right now. With your history"
    Erm... Since when did having bipolar make people a bad mum!?!?
    I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't take drugs and I have worked with children for 2 years now and only once had a problem at work and that was with management there thinking I wasn't capable yet every where else I worked has been fine with me. :growlmad:
    I had to convince her that I was fine and that I could cope. Im un-medicated at the minute which im managing really well and my care worker has said im thinking clearly.
    How dare she try and convince me to do something im completely against.
    I also now have 7 holes in my arms from the blood test where they ended up using a syringe because none of my veins are visible and you can't feel them its just a matter of trying just about anywhere.. finally we got there.

    I've now been told I have to tell my parents (I know I should have told them already) as I will be having regular visits from the health visitor at my house.

    She was lovely and everything but doesn't seem to like teen parents and especially ones with mental health problems...
    she also told me that even though through scans I should be 8 weeks 5 days the hospital will still use 10 weeks 5 days for my dating till the scan :/ ah well...sorry rant over :(

    Oh and FOB is not speaking to me :cry: won't reply to my texts even though it says they've been read ...
     
  2. emz_x

    emz_x Well-Known Member

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    That's absolutely outrageous! How dare she say it's not the best idea right now when you're ALREADY pregnant. Urghh.. if I were you, I'd ask for another midwife. It's not worth having one who discriminates against teen parents.

    And 'your history'? Being bipolar does in no way make you a bad parent, and if your care worker says being unmedicated is ok, then what's the problem? :wacko:

    I'm also sorry that FOB is being a jerk. :/ :hugs:
     
  3. krys

    krys Madi's Mommy

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    I'd ask for another midwife. You need someone you're comfortable with and can trust. I wouldn't want to tell embarrassing things to someone I felt already judged me from the start! Seriously, you're gonna have to deal with this woman for MONTHS. Ask for someone else :flower:
     
  4. Chrissy7411

    Chrissy7411 Guest

    Wow that's rude! :growlmad:
     
  5. xSarahM

    xSarahM Two Beautiful Angels

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    That is so rude and out of place for her to be saying things like that.
    You are totally right, having bipolar wont mean you cant handle being a mum as well as anyone else! You clearly care millions about your LO :flower:
    Ignore her, she's obvs just a snooty b'word!
     
  6. Abzandbump

    Abzandbump Well-Known Member

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    oh my god, so what if your a teen mum and have bipolar, its fully your right to make your own decisions and once that was made about the baby, everyone else should keep their mouths shut :(
     
  7. XxXsusieqXxX

    XxXsusieqXxX 2nd trimester :)

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    I don't think I get a choice :( there's only 2 midwifes in this area and at 18 im not exactly as young as some of the girls that she's dealt with so I don't see her problem :( It just seems to be the bipolar that bothers her.

    I was medicated before but as soon as I found out I stopped them and been happier than normal and just feel myself so really not a problem there :( she really annoyed me when thats the first thing she said :( I think people that watch Eastenders in the uk really think thats how everyone with bipolar is but it really isn't :(. If she'd have turned around to me before I got pregnant and said it probably isnt a good idea and then justified it then it might be different but waiting till im pregnant and then saying its not the best idea is horrible.
    Does my baby not deserve to live because I may or may not have a few problems? :(
    sorry im really ranty atm. she really got to me.
    FOB still isn't texting me either, im actually really worried about him, he said he'd never ignore me but I bought a new tv yesterday that dad got me and he got annoyed saying we needed the money. Fair point but then I explained it and all he said was "night" and hasn't texted me since :cry:
    and he admitted to smoking weed a few times this year when I told him he couldn't and then expected me to be fine with it when im completely against it. Why do I love him :cry:
     
  8. XxXsusieqXxX

    XxXsusieqXxX 2nd trimester :)

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    Now he's turned his phone off :cry:
     
  9. emz_x

    emz_x Well-Known Member

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    Maybe the other midwife would be better? You can always ask the hospital to ask for them to change your midwife. You don't have to feel stuck with one who makes you feel this low. The alternative is that you see your GP instead of a midwife. Some people do that instead :)

    You're quite right. She will have seen plenty of girls under the age of 18 so you're hardly a novelty. She just must be generally quite ignorant when it comes to bipolar disorder and yep, Eastenders definitely doesn't help. They just want to exaggerate these sorts of conditions to create an interesting drama.

    It is horrible telling you it's not the best idea when it's already happened. Why should you be made to feel like you shouldn't keep your baby just because you have Bipolar disorder? :nope:

    If I were you, I'd try to distract myself for a few days and just leave FOB alone for a while. He's probably just stressed about stuff and needs some time to think.
     
  10. XxXsusieqXxX

    XxXsusieqXxX 2nd trimester :)

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    I might well just see the gp but il see the midwife again to see if she's any nicer to me :(

    He just texted me after I said are you going to talk to me and he replied with "nope xxx" then sent another straight after saying "im not saying anything cos it'll either upset you or piss you off." Im already f*cking upset :cry: Guessing it's more weed :(

    xx
     
  11. kittycat18

    kittycat18 Well-Known Member

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    I would seriously consider reporting that midwife that you had. Her behaviour and attitude was un-acceptable, especially in this day and age. It is her job in the medical profession not to pass judgement, regardless of the situation.

    I am sorry to hear what you had to deal with :hugs: I have bi-polar depression and am currently un-medicated but have been feeling a lot happier and content in myself since finding out about this baby. I haven't had anyone say anything to me about it but I can't see how having a mental illness like Depression could majorly affect your parenting skills :shrug: It's not as if you are an alcoholic or a drug addict... xx
     
  12. sequeena

    sequeena Winging it.

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    Ask for another midwife. Hun it has nothing to do with you being bipolar, I have depression and my midwife is great - the difference is I'm 22, not a teen. That is why she was such a bitch to you. Don't listen to a thing she says :hugs: I will also have a health visitor who specialises in depression :hugs:
     
  13. XxXsusieqXxX

    XxXsusieqXxX 2nd trimester :)

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    I think she'd have prefered it if I was. Im not harming my baby in anyway.
    The doctors found it weird when I said I felt happier now im pregnant, even with no medicines apparently I should be all over the place. Im thinking straighter than ever before, I just want my Lo to be happy and healthy.
    Atleast it's not just me that's happier, thought I was odd :shrug: :haha:
    :D
    xx
     
  14. kittycat18

    kittycat18 Well-Known Member

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    Some people eh :roll:
    You don't seem to have a lot of support from your local medical service. They all seem to be extremely judgemental or old fashioned. There is nothing wrong with becoming a mother whilst having depression. There are a lot of older women on this forum who suffer from depression or anxiety so you definitely are not alone.
    No, after I got over the initial shock of being pregnant I felt a lot happier than I have felt in years. I just can't wait to be a proper family with Conor and our beautiful child :cloud9: xx
     
  15. XxXsusieqXxX

    XxXsusieqXxX 2nd trimester :)

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    [/QUOTE]Some people eh :roll:
    You don't seem to have a lot of support from your local medical service. They all seem to be extremely judgemental or old fashioned. There is nothing wrong with becoming a mother whilst having depression. There are a lot of older women on this forum who suffer from depression or anxiety so you definitely are not alone.
    No, after I got over the initial shock of being pregnant I felt a lot happier than I have felt in years. I just can't wait to be a proper family with Conor and our beautiful child :cloud9: xx
    [/QUOTE]

    We live in a relatively small area so I think they just find it all a bit strange. No idea why :shrug:
    :) not long now for you.
    I want time to speed up a little bit just so I can hit 12 weeks. Im constantly expecting something to go wrong :(
    xx
     
  16. kittycat18

    kittycat18 Well-Known Member

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    I live in a small town as well and my doctors surgery is in the middle of a village in the middle of nowhere! You just blink in the car and you miss it. I really am being serious :shrug:
    I know, I can't wait. I felt the exact same sweetheart. Especially after losing my child Alex last April at 12 weeks. I was convinced that I was going to go to my dating scan to be told that there wasn't a baby there or that they didn't have a heartbeat. But then there it was, a heartbeat of a wee lion :cloud9:
     
  17. aidensxmomma

    aidensxmomma 4 on Earth, Many in Heaven

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    :hugs:
    Having bipolar does not mean that you cannot be a good mother. People like your midwife really piss me off because they are unbelievably ignorant. I was diagnosed with bipolar (and depression) 6 or 7 (ish) years ago. It doesn't make me a horrible person or a bad mom. My psychologist is actually rather impressed by the fact that I can control myself a lot better when my kids are around. They've made it easier for me to control and handle having bipolar, even when I'm unmedicated. My mood swings and everything also completely evened out when I was pregnant with Aiden, so I had a great (unmedicated) pregnancy. :happydance:

    I really hope you can find a different midwife or at least she'll be a lot nicer to you in the future.
    :hugs:
     
  18. Court28

    Court28 Well-Known Member

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    Im sorry your midwife was rude like that and made you feel so small. Thats not fair for you at all, just because you have bipolar and are a teen, does not mean you cant be a mother and i bet you will love your baby more than anyone else in the whole world.
    Im sorry about your FOB as well
    x
     

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