1st miscarriage-trying to wait it out....

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by KandMommy, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. KandMommy

    KandMommy New Member

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    Hello everyone. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I'd be here, right now, in this place, on this website searching for hope, encouragement and advice- Let alone posting a thread about my miscarriage. It's difficult even saying those words without choking up. But, here I am... and my heart hurts for each of you that have gone through a miscarriage. Thank you in advance for listening to me!

    I have 2 healthy girls-pregnancies with no problems (very thankful). I'm 29 years old and pregnant with my 3rd.

    1st appt-9 weeks. Everything looked great. Went in again at 11weeks for blood work-heart beat was seen again. Everything great.
    I went in November 2nd 2011 (almost 14 weeks) and my doctor said there was no heartbeat. She also said it happened very recently, but didn't specify a time frame. She also said it looked like there was some swelling around the head and neck. I had a pap smear done right before the ultrasound. (are those known to cause miscarriages?) I came back 2 days later with my husband for a follow up ultrasound-Praying and hoping for a miracle. Still no heartbeat. When asked about the swelling she couldn't seem to see it like she did the last visit. We then asked when the baby stopped growing and she said about 12 weeks. She gave me my options. However, I was too devasted to make any kind of decision at that time. So she sent me home with medicine in case the process started over the weekend. It's been 11 days since I've found out. Over 3 weeks since the baby stopped growing. There has been no bleeding and up to this point I haven't had any symptons of a miscarriage. I still have had pregnancy symptons. (I've learned that this is called a missed miscarriage)

    I have been experiencing the lower back pain off and on, but that's it. I'm 15 weeks 3 days today. And still nothing. I want to miscarry naturally, however, I dunno if I can stay on this emotional roller coaster of waiting it out. She offered the D&C, however I liked the option of my body releasing everything on its on. How much longer could it take? Can anyone that has had a miscarriage around this time frame tell me what to expect? When is it no longer safe to do it at home?
     
  2. Beans28

    Beans28 Well-Known Member

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    I wish I could tell you something useful about the swelling or how long it will take to MC naturally. I personally opted for the d&c (in three days)mc my MD informed me that many times the body dosent expell everything and you still end up needing the d&c. Plus, I would have the option of sending the fetuses for genetic testing to rule out any possible defects.

    I'm very sorry for your loss and please feel free to message me if you need a shoulder to cry on.
     
  3. auntylolo

    auntylolo Pregnatised!

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    Hiya hun, sorry you have ended up here :(
    The way I understand it is, it should take between 2 and 3 weeks for the body to start the process of the miscarriage. So if you know that it has been at least 3 weeks since your babys heart stopped, then you probably do need some intervention. You could ask for the medical option instead of the erpc.
    I found out about 2 weeks after the heartbeat had stopped and then the next day the miscarriage started and I managed to do it at home without intervention. I must say, I've never felt pain like it but I am grateful that my body knew what to do.
    Hope you get some help soon hun xx
     
  4. Hellylou

    Hellylou Mum to 3 and 1 Angel

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    What a terrible situation to be in, I am so sorry. I think you are amazingly brave to have carried on this long in such awful circumstances. Maybe the doctors will be able to advise on how much longer you should be able to safely wait before intervention is necessary?

    My m/c was different in that I had to deliver at 16 weeks from my waters breaking early and infection, but I still had to have d&e 10 days later as I had things left behind. That was under a general anaesthetic and it wasn't bad. I had minimal pain or bleeding afterwards, so if you do have to have the procedure it isn't as bad as you might expect.

    Take care of yourself :hugs:
     
  5. amotherslove

    amotherslove MamaToLilyLucyAndLila<3

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    maybe ask and see if they have the pill that speeds it along? i know its not 100%natural.. but at the least you get to see and hold your baby.. and really deliver her instead of it being so clinical.. and then you can choose what to do with her remains..
     
  6. scoobydrlp

    scoobydrlp Well-Known Member

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    I don't have any advice for you, but just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, and am so sorry for your loss. :hugs:
     
  7. Wildfire81

    Wildfire81 Own it.

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    I am sorry this is happening to you, and I understand well the pain. Make sure you do not wait too long, I would hate for you to get an infection.
     
  8. KandMommy

    KandMommy New Member

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    Thanks everyone! and I really am glad that there are forums out on the net like this.
    I called my Doctor yesterday, and filled her in on what's not happening. She is still okay with me waiting it out, if that's what I want to do. I am to call again Monday to check in. Of course if I get a fever or have sharp abdominal pains they want me to immediately call them/come in or go to the ER (if it's the weekend or a weeknight). If it goes on for another week and nothing's happened... then they'll want to see me and check everything out...then we'll go from there. (where they'll probably schedule the D&C)
     
  9. jennijunni

    jennijunni Well-Known Member

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    Just be careful. Most often a baby lost this late, needs medical management, at least being in a hospital. I lost a baby 5 months ago, at 17 weeks, decided I did not want medical management, and almost bled to death. I had to have blood transfusions and an emergency D&E, because the baby came, but no placenta. I lost half of my blood volume. It was the most scary thing I have ever been through. I just lost another baby at 14w2d just a few days ago, and while I dreaded the D&E, I knew that I could not go through what happened last time. So take care, okay? And I am so sorry for you loss, it is heartbreaking.
     
  10. couturecuts

    couturecuts Guest

    i just had a d&c on saturday. honestly i give kudos to the women who choose to go natural, bless them for wanting to be strong and be able to feel closer to the baby/pregnancy by passing it in a comfortable setting. however i was very comfortable with my d&c. i can imagine being at home, especially further along in the pregnancy is harder, emotionally, witnessing everything. and of course not as safe, because the further along you are the bigger risks involved. you may end up in the hospital anyways. why put yourself through the stress. id say go in for the d&c. its fast, your asleep. and when you wake up there are pain pills and food readily available and you can go home within an hour or so. i was home same day eating normal, walking around, sure the oxycodene and ibprofen make you a little "calmer"...but i was fine, and i have a rambunctious 3 year old girl to take care of! my heart goes out to you, but dont feel as though the right thing to do is stay at home and miscarry naturally. it may be worse than you think, emotionally and physically. from personal experience, its better to get it done with asap so you can work on moving forward. your going to be better off the sooner its all over, dont drag it out hun. i put my d&c off for only 4 days after the doctor appt where they told me i miscarried, and 4 days was HARD! wish i had done it the day after i found out the news.
     
  11. beautifuloaks

    beautifuloaks Well-Known Member

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    I Don't want to sound mean or rude here, I had a missed [email protected] I wasn't nearly s far along as you were, I was 10 weeks but the baby stopped developing at 6 weeks. I miscarried at home for three days....the worst pain of my life but I wanted to do it naturally,, when I went to the drs after all that I had retained tissue and needed surgery anyways.....the surgery was veruy quick....I wish now that I had just done the surgery in the first place....but the dr told me afterwards that he was very glad that I did the d&c because the tissue had started to turn necrotic....it was starting to rot basically this is the mean and cruel part I was talking about...... he said that if I had waited any longer like I had wanted to and continued to miscarry at home, I ould have developed a very serious infection.....in the end I did end up with ann infection....but the doctor sid it was no where near as bad as it could hve been. He said that he has never seen tissue as bad as mine was....he was very concerned for my health.

    I understand wanting to wait and do it naturally, that's what I wanted more then anything to have those last few minutes with my baby but....it wasn't ment to be....I just want people to consider the risk to their own health when they make the decision to have the surgery or to wait it out.

    In my situation I should have had the surgery I should not have waited.....I ended up with only a mild infection but the doctor said I was lucky.

    I don't mean to sound rude or mean..... I just want others to learn from my experiance. I also feel that if I had just had the surgery inthe first place, they we could have started to ttc again much sooner.
     

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