" 2 boys.. that is scary :("

[Lucy28]

So I post that my twins are two boys on facebook and I get "2 boys...that is scary " from a single "friend" of mine from college who "forgot" to attend my wedding, and stopped talking to me on the phone once my OH and I moved in together. She hasn't been able to get her life together (I mean in the ways that are important to her, not me) and seems very angry.

Anyways, having gotten tired of the rude twin comments at work already, I replied "nah- not having any children is scary." I feel like quite a b**** for doing that. I have just had it. I went through two terrible miscarriages and want both of these babies very much.

This is just the tip of the iceburg with my group of old college friends and I am tired of it. We are all 28/29 years old and they act as though I sold out by getting married and having kids. This is incredibly frustrating.

Should I apologize to her for that comment?

 

[Mea]

No definatley dont apologise she deserved that comment and is probably secretly jealous!!
Congratulations on having 2 boys, boys are brilliant and so much fun.

 

[chetnaz]

I dont think you should apologise - sounds like she's not much of a friend! The comments you get from people are tiring - good or bad, twins attract alot of attention and people think that they are public property and ask and comment on things that you wouldnt normally comment on. Dont worry about it hun, it's ignorance. As for two boys being "scary", I have three boys and I wouldnt change them for the world! I have 8 nieces and 5 nephews also and I have always found that the boys are a hell of a lot easier than the girls! Of course I wouldnt have cared what gender my kids were - to me it was so scary carrying twins (especially as mine were identical so there was a risk of ttts) that all i cared about was that they were healthy. Once they are here, you'll be getting just as much, if not more comments about how cute they are and how blessed you are, concentrate on these lovely comments, and ignore the rest!

I keep getting "ooooh double trouble" and I always reply back, "no, double the love". That usually shuts up the negative people! xx

 

[Emma M]

I don't think you should apologise - your 'friend' didn't feel the need to apologies for her hurtful comment. What makes it worse is that maybe she doesn't even think it was a hurtful thing to say.

I have experienced similar comments from my 'close' friends. I am 29 and married too, and although many of my 'close' friends live with their partners, none of them seem to be interested in marriage/babies.

I get that I may drift away from my friends for a while as we seem to be heading in different directions (and I am happy with the direction I am heading in), but it I find it hurtful when they 'joke' my life is over....and how scary twins will be etc.

Oh and I am expecting 2 girls and have been told that they are far worse than boys... they will be a nightmare as teenagers blah blah blah. Some people just seem to want to put a negative spin on everything.

 

[bek74]

You have nothing to be sorry for hun. As a mother of 4 boys ( and 1 girl) I think boys are just awesome and so much fun.

Hun this is only the begining of rude comments, we have all had our fair share, but we have also had alot of wonderful comments.

 

[auntcarrie]

The only thing I'd apologize about is having kept her on my facebook friends list for too long. Friends are supposed to bring out the best in you, support you, and be there for you. Doesn't sound like your old college friends are there for you right now. For that reason, I'd happily delete them from my friends list. You don't need that.

 

[Traysea]

Lucy,

You have nothing to apologize for. When your friends start TTC some of them will regret that they waited.

I am 36 and DH is 40. DH and I were TTC for almost 2 years and got PG with fraternal twin girls. I am now 31 weeks pregnant. If we could have waived a magic wand to pick how many babies we got PG with we would both have said twins. We knew we wanted at least two children and what better way to grow our family faster than with a twin pregnancy. We both think that having twins was nothing but a blessing!

I did not want to have to go thru more years of IF treatments for a second baby. I think if I did have a singleton I would have gone back for more treatments which increases my odds of getting cancer in the next 20 years. I am happy I do not have to subject myself to more fertility drugs and frequent invasive testing.

We started TTC at 34 and I really regret having waited so long. Looking back I was so focused on getting my business off the ground and DH was focused on maintaining our life style we really did not consider all the potential problems associated with being older. We were not ready. We thought we had time. But we also didn't know the realities/statistics of starting a family so late. The difficulty of getting pregnant, the higher risks of the pregnancy, the higher risk of problems with the baby, I didn't even know that DH's age would increase my risks of miscarriage and chromosome problems. (we had a chemical pregnancy 2 months before getting PG with the twins) Everyone puts the emphasis on a womans eggs being old, but sperm age is also important. Not everyone knows that, I didn't.

We have friends who waited even longer than us to start, she was 38 and he was over 40 when they got pregnant. Their son is 2 and is still not speaking. She wonders if they didn't wait so long (her DH was not ready) if their son would have been born differently. When we finally got pregnant I asked her if she would have another baby. She wants another baby but again her DH is not willing. Being older when you start makes you that much older and raise the odds even higher for all those problems. My parents are in their early 60's and I am 36 but our girls will be in their 20's when we are in our early 60's. I feel like we have really short changed ourselves out of seeing them grow into adulthood.

If I had a time machine I would go back and tell myself that none of the things I though were important were even nearly as important as having a family. From my perspective, your friends are wrong. Your life is on track. You are smart for wanting to have your family when you did.

 

[Deux]

I agree, don't apologize....you do get used to the negative comments, I still get them and sometimes even from my family. It's hard enough having a twin pregnancy and having twin babies...you DON'T need any more negativity, you need support. I find that I've become unusually sensitive to comments , LOL, and those hormones from pregnancy never really went away for me, haha! Sometimes people just don't know what to say either, and although they may not MEAN anything by it, they just don't have any tact. My MIL is always trying to pit the boys against each other (they are 6 months old!), by making comments about how they will be so jealous of each other, blah blah blah. I can't stand it, it drives me insane!

 

[Ashley9603]

Some people dont know when to just not say anything and I dont think you should apologize for anything.I certainly wouldnt keep them on my friends list.I have heard alot of off the wall and mean comments and I just let them roll off my shoulders.

 

[TTC DH FIFO]

I wouldnt apologise at all! you have nothing to be sorry for. She doesnt sound like a great friend at all!

I am 23, turning 24 and am 22 weeks along with twin boys. First i had the whole "omg twins better you than me" and "wow your gonna have two kids and your only 24, oh well you can have a life later".. one of my 'friends' even said that if she fell pregnant with twins she would have a termination! and this particular friend had just miscarried twice and still said that! Since finding out its two boys.. we have had "your gonna have your hands full" and someone even said "aww thats unlucky"!! I have wanted to slap so many people lol.. even DH's siblings have had a few things to say that I thought were a little insensitive.. but i the end it comes down to one thing.. jealousy! who wouldn't want two gorgeous babies. I believe that we must have done something great in a past life to be trusted with two precious babies... and two boys just sounds like the most fun ever! I cannot wait!

good luck to you and your bubba's!

xoxo