2 kids already...thinking of a 3rd with 18 month age gap? Advice!

[ashleyg]

Hi mamas! I have a question for moms with 2+ kiddos! Any of you have an 18 month age gap?? How do you like it??

Right now I have a 2yo and a 7mo. Hubby and I definitely want a 3rd but go back and forth about when to start trying. We were planning to start NEXT march but after a pregnancy scare I'm thinking I might want to try a little sooner My kids right now have a 21 month age gap and it was hard at first simply because my oldest got SUPER jealous of her brother. It's 100% better now but I'm wondering if an 18 month gap would be better or worse considering now it'll be 3 kids instead of just two.

thank you!

 

[xxxLeoxxx]

Hi!

We have 3 under 4. The age gap between DS1 and DS2 is 18 months, the age gap between DS2 and DD is 22 months.

The experience of those two age gaps has been completely different but I don't think its because those few months made an extra difference particularly. If you have an 18 month gap next time then you could still have the jealousy issues.

If you know you want another then personally I'd start trying with an aim of them having the closer gap because after all in it could take a few cycles anyway!

BTW 3 babies under 4 is a mad house hehe!!

 

[ashleyg]

I thought there might still be a jealousy thing :/ Was it different in the sense that your older two could play and keep each other company while you handled the baby? Or did it not really make a difference?

Originally the plan was to just to enjoy my two for right now...but since hubs is military he has to leave for 6 months right around the beginning of 2019...so if we waited like we planned and started TTC in march 2018, he'd be gone while I have a newborn and I don't want to be alone for that part. I have always wanted three kids, but now we're just moving the time frame up a bit lol

Do you like the age gap? Would you have waited longer?

 

[ashleyg]

Oh yeah I def know it could take a while! My youngest took about 6 months for us to get pregnant! So we were planning on trying around March or so

 

[xxxLeoxxx]

At the moment having our DD has added very little extra stress to my life, it's the 2 and 3 year old who are hard work and that'd be the case if we had her or not! They are in a phase of fighting all day long and I guess that is aggravated by their age gap as they want to play with the same things etc.

That said, I wouldn't change the age gap they have. Whilst they fight a lot, they are starting to have times when they disappear off in the house together playing make believe games and daring each other to do things etc etc which is exactly what I hoped for. Also, they go to preschool together and the carers there always remark on how close their bond is. And they're both so protective and caring towards DD, she'll be well looked after throughout her childhood I think!

I guess there are positives and negatives to all gaps but ours is right for us

 

[ashleyg]

Thank you so much for your reply! The positive side is great to hear! It was so hard brining my son home because my daughter was SO jealous and was acting out like crazy. He's almost 7 months now and it's soooo much better but it took probably u Tim he was close to 4.5 months before I started to not feel so stressed out lol. I guess I'm just scared of it happening again...but this time it'll be with 3 kids!

 

[catty]

My first 2 are 11 months apart and then i have a 2.5 year age gap between 2&3.
No experiance of the 18 month gap but have experiance of 3 under 4.
Maybe think of things like would your eldest still be in a buggy, would you need a triple buggy?
How would you get about, would it logistically work.
For me my 3.5 and 2.5 year old walk and baby is in the pram but its hard work getting about as sometimes they dont want to walk... however i actually love it now im into it.

It is crazy and somedays i feel a bit demented but my eldest is now at nursery 3 hours a day so that definately helps!
We have had no jelousy between 1&2 (11 month gap) but there has been a bit this time round although not majorly

 

[ashleyg]

Catty: DH and I were actually talking about that today. My oldest will be almost 3.5 when new baby is here so she will walk. She pretty much walks everywhere now so that's not a problem. And my youngest would be 18/19/20montha depending on when we actually get pregnant so he's be walking too or in the cart basket/stroller. The baby i would wear in a wrap like I did for my littlest when he was a newborn.

We are also putting my daughter in preschool this year too so that would help a lot as well for a few hours during the day!

What do you do if they don't want to walk?

 

[catty]

Sounds bad but iv just had to really train them not to run away. A treat if there good, bribes if they dont want to walk. We take the car more than i would like and often just go shorter trips than before but it is definately manageable.

I now have a buggy board which clips on the back of my buggy and one stands on there which has been a lifesaver! I need to get a wrap too but just didnt get round to it.

I think if you dont find the 2 you have right now too hard then go for it as each gap will have some sort of problem but also many benefits

 

[xdxxtx]

My kids are all really close in age (4 under 5 and pregnant again!) and are all best friends. Let me just say that leaving the house with 3 kids was twice as difficult as leaving the house with 2. It's just crazy. Haha. Now that I have 4, I am always late. But it's worth every crazy minute. I've found the smaller age gaps to be easier to parent in the very early days... Once they were all running around, all of that changed. Now, they're constantly getting into things together (but consider it bonding). It's great.

 

[ashleyg]

Sounds bad but iv just had to really train them not to run away. A treat if there good, bribes if they dont want to walk. We take the car more than i would like and often just go shorter trips than before but it is definately manageable.

I now have a buggy board which clips on the back of my buggy and one stands on there which has been a lifesaver! I need to get a wrap too but just didnt get round to it.

I think if you dont find the 2 you have right now too hard then go for it as each gap will have some sort of problem but also many benefits

Thank you for the advice! Right now it's hard because my daughter is in her "terrible twos" and regularly throws tantrums at the store. So I usually don't go out by myself with both of them. Normally when DH is off on the weekends we do our errands or just take them out somewhere. It's definitely easier to manage with him around. I hope my 2yo grows of her tantrum phase. Right now literally anything could throw her into a fit. Such a drama queen lol. But other than that, it's not too difficult. They have their set nap and bedtimes and my youngest is starting to interact more with his sister so they entertain each other for a little bit

 

[ashleyg]

My kids are all really close in age (4 under 5 and pregnant again!) and are all best friends. Let me just say that leaving the house with 3 kids was twice as difficult as leaving the house with 2. It's just crazy. Haha. Now that I have 4, I am always late. But it's worth every crazy minute. I've found the smaller age gaps to be easier to parent in the very early days... Once they were all running around, all of that changed. Now, they're constantly getting into things together (but consider it bonding). It's great.

Oh my gosh you definitely have your hands full! I'm glad to hear you like the age gap. I think that's what's holding me back from being 100% right now. I've heard that it's hard, that it depends on your kids personalities, some absolutely love it. It's so mixed lol.

I can only imagine how hard it would be to leave the house with 4!! It's hard for me to do it with 2! Lol

 

[Eleanor ace]

If I was in your situation I'd go for it, having your DH at home while LO is tiny would definitely be a big help, plus I'm sure he'd want to be there for those early days. I have a 21 month gap between by older two, and almost 2.5 years between 2&3. Both age gaps were good, not much in it really; I didn't find having a bigger age gap any easier. The adjustment from 2-3 children was minimal, I haven't really found it harder to do anything.

 

[ashleyg]

That's the main and biggest reason why we are thinking about moving it up. He talked to his boss about working with us on the time frame and she said she will help as much as she can so I think our best option is to try earlier. Thank you for your positive input. It's really helpful knowing it's not going to be too scary lol. It seems like it's not AS bad going from 2-3 from what everyone has said so far.

 

[Ganton]

I also had 3 under 4 (they're now 4.5, nearly 3 and 8.5 months). I found the 26 month gap between DS2 and DD far easier than the 20 month gap between DS1 and DS2, but I honestly believe that it's more due to the very chilled out personality of DS2 rather than the age gap.

I love having all 3 children so close in age and if I had to go shorter or longer with the gap between DS2 and DD, I'd definitely have chosen shorter. It's taken a while to settle down but DS1 and DS2 are starting to play nicely together and gang up on us parents a little bit (which is the sort of bond I'd hoped brothers would have), and I hope DD can easily join in the fun too when she's a little older. She already loves watching her brothers, she finds them hilarious and crawls to them to play with the same toys as them now that she's on the move.

As for the walking thing, we had a double pram for DS1 and DS2, which we now use occasionally for our 2 youngest, but I actually wear DD in the wrap a lot so just use the single for DS2 when he needs it, and we used the double for the boys with DD in the carrier when we went on a few longer walks when she was tiny.

Going from 2-3 was nowhere near as hard as I thought it'd be, and definitely easier than going from 1-2 for me. I wouldn't change what o have now for anything.

 

[rebeccalouise]

Just wanted you to know that you're not alone, my youngest is nearly 11 months, but we've been TTC since she was 9 months. Our next baby will be our last, and we both want a fairly small age gap. X

 

[ashleyg]

I also had 3 under 4 (they're now 4.5, nearly 3 and 8.5 months). I found the 26 month gap between DS2 and DD far easier than the 20 month gap between DS1 and DS2, but I honestly believe that it's more due to the very chilled out personality of DS2 rather than the age gap.

I love having all 3 children so close in age and if I had to go shorter or longer with the gap between DS2 and DD, I'd definitely have chosen shorter. It's taken a while to settle down but DS1 and DS2 are starting to play nicely together and gang up on us parents a little bit (which is the sort of bond I'd hoped brothers would have), and I hope DD can easily join in the fun too when she's a little older. She already loves watching her brothers, she finds them hilarious and crawls to them to play with the same toys as them now that she's on the move.

As for the walking thing, we had a double pram for DS1 and DS2, which we now use occasionally for our 2 youngest, but I actually wear DD in the wrap a lot so just use the single for DS2 when he needs it, and we used the double for the boys with DD in the carrier when we went on a few longer walks when she was tiny.

Going from 2-3 was nowhere near as hard as I thought it'd be, and definitely easier than going from 1-2 for me. I wouldn't change what o have now for anything.

Thank you so much for your input! That's how I'm hoping my youngest will be...as of right now he's much more of a "chill" and 'go with the flow' type baby than my daughter ever was (or is now lol). So far it seems like people think going from 1-2 was harder than 2-3 haha. Maybe it's because we already have the parenting multiples thing down? I hope it'll be that way for us as well. I think that's my main concern

Just wanted you to know that you're not alone, my youngest is nearly 11 months, but we've been TTC since she was 9 months. Our next baby will be our last, and we both want a fairly small age gap. X

Lol that is good to know! I feel like people will think we're crazy

 

[rebeccalouise]

I also had 3 under 4 (they're now 4.5, nearly 3 and 8.5 months). I found the 26 month gap between DS2 and DD far easier than the 20 month gap between DS1 and DS2, but I honestly believe that it's more due to the very chilled out personality of DS2 rather than the age gap.

I love having all 3 children so close in age and if I had to go shorter or longer with the gap between DS2 and DD, I'd definitely have chosen shorter. It's taken a while to settle down but DS1 and DS2 are starting to play nicely together and gang up on us parents a little bit (which is the sort of bond I'd hoped brothers would have), and I hope DD can easily join in the fun too when she's a little older. She already loves watching her brothers, she finds them hilarious and crawls to them to play with the same toys as them now that she's on the move.

As for the walking thing, we had a double pram for DS1 and DS2, which we now use occasionally for our 2 youngest, but I actually wear DD in the wrap a lot so just use the single for DS2 when he needs it, and we used the double for the boys with DD in the carrier when we went on a few longer walks when she was tiny.

Going from 2-3 was nowhere near as hard as I thought it'd be, and definitely easier than going from 1-2 for me. I wouldn't change what o have now for anything.

Thank you so much for your input! That's how I'm hoping my youngest will be...as of right now he's much more of a "chill" and 'go with the flow' type baby than my daughter ever was (or is now lol). So far it seems like people think going from 1-2 was harder than 2-3 haha. Maybe it's because we already have the parenting multiples thing down? I hope it'll be that way for us as well. I think that's my main concern

Just wanted you to know that you're not alone, my youngest is nearly 11 months, but we've been TTC since she was 9 months. Our next baby will be our last, and we both want a fairly small age gap. X

Lol that is good to know! I feel like people will think we're crazy

I know what you mean! I see you're a forces wife too, so am I! A lot in common haha. X

 

[ashleyg]

Oh how cool! Where are you guys located?

 

[rebeccalouise]

Oh how cool! Where are you guys located?

Maidstone, Kent. How about you? X