2 under 2- how do you balance!

[SjandPeanut]

How do you spend quality time with a 19 month old while breastfeeding a newborn?

She feeds from 10pm until 4am so I'm wrecked tired ( it's not a co sleeping issue because she is feeding not sleeping!) she will sleep until 8 but I'm using this time to sleep. Then she feeds every 2 hours.

I think at night she must be really hungry, perhaps I don't have enough milk? She pulls about on my nipple a lot which I think is newborn for 'more, faster please'

I know she is only a week old but I've spent no time with my son and I'm constantly telling him to mind out for the baby or that I can't get up because she is feeding. I miss him I feel guilty all the time I've cried everyday.

I'm starting to resent breastfeeding, but I know if I bottle feed I'll feel bad and it will probably take me as long to prepare/ sterilise etc

How do you do it? Will I ever get the relationship back with my son? Will I be able to get as close with my daughter?

X x

 

[Pielette]

It's really hard to start with, but persevere, it will get better I promise

At the beginning my LO fed like crazy. Coming on and off for seven hours overnight was not out of the ordinary. I was completely knackered. What your LO is doing at night is very normal, increasing milk supply often happens overnight because the hormone levels are highest. Doesn't help us unfortunately but it is normal.

I had a lot of support from DH and my mum in the early weeks. I admit that for a while my eldest and I weren't spending much time together and despite the fact that we were both in the same space I missed him so much. Just little things like doing his bedtime.

BUT things are a million times better now. I spend quality time with both my boys. Milo feeds for about 5 minutes at a time so it's super easy and Noah barely even notices that I'm feeding sometimes. My relationship with my toddler is stronger than ever. Bless him, he's a chilled out little boy and accepted the massive change in his life and welcomed me 'back' with open arms when things started to improve.

As for a relationship with your newest one, it will come, give it time. Naturally when the second is born you don't have the benefit of that year plus of building the relationship. Of course the love is there but it grows and it deepens. I adore my littlest just as much as my eldest now and the lovely thing is I'm starting to see a relationship forming between them.

Keep at it. You're doing great and the rewards will come soon enough.

 

[embeth]

Yep just give it time it will get better and a lot easier. My oldest was 17 months when I had my second it took a while but things soon settled. Now I have an 11 week old and a 5&7 year old at times I feel like the bigger ones are missing out on me but things are starting to settle and they love their baby bro xxx

 

[justkitty]

I have the same age gap and I felt awful for my ds. He was always so upset if I took the baby to hospital appointments or if he went out with his dad. He started tantruming and doing things he knew was wrong to get my attention whenever I fed dd. I felt so guilty and cried so much. It got better after the first month. I had dh at home for a month which helped me to establish feeding but I was pleased when he went back to work. It forced me to get ob with it.

Here are some practical tips:

Cook your eldest child's dinners early so all you have to do is reheat when needed. Dd always wanted to feed when I should of been cooking dinner.
Stick to your eldests routine as much as you can. 80% of the time I manage to leave dd in her moses while I do ds bath time and bed. If dd is asleep I will even get in the bath with ds to maintain our skin to skin

Have plenty of snacks at grabbing distance.

Introduce baby to playtime slowly eg just for a couple of minutes with your toddler and put baby down as soon as your toddler has had enough.

I put my dd either in the buggy or in the playpen.

Be positive eg cuddle baby round her waist as she likes it better. Look she is smiling at you and thinks your funny.

Try groups only when you are ready and wear baby in a sling. I do one or two paid activities eg jo jingles where class size is small so my ds gets my almost 100% attention whilst baby sleeps in the car seat.

I offer boobie before I am supposed to go out/make lunch/cook food etc so I feel confident baby will be full/sleep.

It's ok to make baby wait a minute whilst sorting out your toddler. Remember to not always say no to your toddler so you can see to the baby. Eg toddler wants a cuddle or to be carried around but baby is hungry.

Use cbeebies. If they watch too much tv for a few weeks who cares. Do what gets you through. BuT remain in control eg don't always say yes.

Sit feeding on the floor so you interact with your toddler more

Maintain discipline. My ds wasn't naughty before but he does know how to get my attention eg climbing on tables etc. I let my guilt mean I let him get away with things but I am regretting it now as I've had to be a bit tougher.

Dd is 8 weeks now and ds is mostly fine.

 

[Odd Socks]

Goodness, I remember so, so we'll those early days were tough. I made myself nap when both my 2 were napping & I wore Lauren in the sling as she wouldn't stay asleep otherwise, it meant I had my hands free for bella.

I also reminded myself that having a newborn was hard work however she was fed & that even if I wasn't up breastfeeding, I'd probably be awake bottle feeding or cuddling her to sleep!

We're almost 2 years in now - we've all survived!

 

[BunnyN]

I have no experience but read a lot of these threads looking for tips because I'm hoping to get pregnant again soon (due to age I don't want to wait too long). The first of weeks of BFing were crazy with just one so the idea of doing it with a toddler worries me too.

Some people swear by a stretchy wrap to carry your newborn round in and free up your hands a bit. And try to remember at least you don't have to deal with preparing bottles .

Oh and well done, I think you are doing an amazing job!

 

[SjandPeanut]

Thanks for your replies. I know that it's only temporary, but I needed to hear other people say it's only temporary. It's helped a lot.

Last night she woke every 1.5hrs and fed for 20 minutes each time. I managed to sleep in between feeds which was nice. At 4am I gave her a pacifier which she spat out and went to sleep until 7.30 this morning!

I was a little sad when I heard my son wake up at 3 and he called for his daddy and not me, but it was quite funny because he was actually calling OH by his name and not daddy.

I got to spend some time with Nico playing with play doh yesterday morning and we are going to have a little walk down the road with the dogs while daddy stays at home with the baby (won't be out longer than 15 minutes but I hope she stays asleep)

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