20, Single, WTT

[CountryKitten]

I'm currently on Depo mind you my first shot was in Jan.
I'm kinda seeing someone but I don't see it going long term.
Ever since I was 15 I've wanted a baby. Now that I have a steady job my own place, I'm thinking about TTC. On my own.
I have a couple of friends who are willing to donate and I am looking at my options and I'm looking at my finances long term.
Does anyone have any advice?

 

[Bmary83]

Only to get off depo, whether u going to go ahead with ttc r not, i've read a lot about depo(having bn on it myself) and there seems to be issues with fertility afterwards it. I would try something else.
Also, I don't have any kids yet so can't really give u any advice other to have a long hard think about it. I would certainly seriously consider doing it alone if time was not on my side but at 20, u've got loads of time left. Jus bide ur time n maybe u wont have to do it alone one day.

 

[CountryKitten]

Only to get off depo, whether u going to go ahead with ttc r not, i've read a lot about depo(having bn on it myself) and there seems to be issues with fertility afterwards it. I would try something else.
Also, I don't have any kids yet so can't really give u any advice other to have a long hard think about it. I would certainly seriously consider doing it alone if time was not on my side but at 20, u've got loads of time left. Jus bide ur time n maybe u wont have to do it alone one day.

Thanks
I know that in reality time is on my side but unfortunately I also know my biological clock isn't. The best time to actually conceive a child with no complications is in your early 20s and I have a high risk of complications because of genetic history already. So I'm afraid that if I wait until I'm in my late 20s early 30s before I even try I either won't be able to or my pregnancy will have serious complications.

 

[Amygdala]

I would seriously reconsider. Having a baby is such hard work (and so is having a child and having a teenager). Sure, people can do it on their own. But why put yourself in that situation voluntarily? Plus wouldn't you think it much nicer for your child if they had a mum and a dad that loves them? You're 20 now. Your dream man might be just around the corner! And if he isn't then you can still reconsider going it alone when your 25. Your fertility won't decrease by then and at least you've given it a shot.

 

[Bmary83]

I'm sorry to hear that. It must be hard to know what the right thing is to do.

Do u have a good support system? I.e friends, family, would the potential doner stick around afterwards? I totally understand ur feelings but a part of me would feel its selfish to bring a child into the world jus cuz u want one??? Sorry if thats a bit harsh but it happens all the time, people having kids they can't look after.

 

[CountryKitten]

I know it seems really selfish. But isn't it also selfish to wait until its I knw there will be complications with the pregnancy and bring a child into the world who doesn't have a chance of a normal life?
Its not really a fertility problem more of a problem when women in my family have children later on in their lives we tend to get pregnant to full term but the baby has a higher chance of having physical or mental disorders.
I think that if I honestly look at all of my options carefully and my finances I should be able to bring my child into this world and still be able to give it all the love and care that it needs/deserves.
I've thought about this alot for the past few years but I wanted to wait until I was at least 20 to start trying. I have a stable job, I have support from alot of my friends (they think I'm crazy but they are starting to understand where I'm coming from). My family is really supportive of anything I do, they think I should wait a few years. But also I'm told that if this is really what I want to do they will help me.
I agree that a child should have both a Mom and a Dad, but i also believe depending on the stability of a home a single mother can raise her children just as well.

 

[CountryKitten]

I know it seems really selfish. But isn't it also selfish to wait until its I knw there will be complications with the pregnancy and bring a child into the world who doesn't have a chance of a normal life?
Its not really a fertility problem more of a problem when women in my family have children later on in their lives we tend to get pregnant to full term but the baby has a higher chance of having physical or mental disorders.
I think that if I honestly look at all of my options carefully and my finances I should be able to bring my child into this world and still be able to give it all the love and care that it needs/deserves.
I've thought about this alot for the past few years but I wanted to wait until I was at least 20 to start trying. I have a stable job, I have support from alot of my friends (they think I'm crazy but they are starting to understand where I'm coming from). My family is really supportive of anything I do, they think I should wait a few years. But also I'm told that if this is really what I want to do they will help me.
I agree that a child should have both a Mom and a Dad, but i also believe depending on the stability of a home a single mother can raise her children just as well.

 

[Damita]

I think as long as you have a good support circle around, and would the sperm donor want to be involved too? I would wait till you are older but at the end of the day it's your choice and if you can cope mentally and financially then it is totally up to you Good luck and welcome.

 

[shocker]

I think that sounds like a great idea, i'd love to know how you get on with it, im 19 single and wtt aswell! You have more going for you than a lot of others who fall pregnant and although legally there would be a lot to sort out with donors and that i think it would be a very rewarding albeit long journey, best of luck

 

[CountryKitten]

I think as long as you have a good support circle around, and would the sperm donor want to be involved too? I would wait till you are older but at the end of the day it's your choice and if you can cope mentally and financially then it is totally up to you Good luck and welcome.

Thanks.

Unfortunately the sperm donor is one of my good friends, he would be around be he doesn't want any resposibility which I understand he and I need to talk through the legalitys some more. Because I want the right to tell my child who their father is once they are old enough.

 

[supervixen]

Only to get off depo, whether u going to go ahead with ttc r not, i've read a lot about depo(having bn on it myself) and there seems to be issues with fertility afterwards it. I would try something else.
Also, I don't have any kids yet so can't really give u any advice other to have a long hard think about it. I would certainly seriously consider doing it alone if time was not on my side but at 20, u've got loads of time left. Jus bide ur time n maybe u wont have to do it alone one day.

I agree! I was on depo when I was 16, Im now 20, I only had 5 injections, it took 3 years until I had a period on my own! Its evil in my opinion, I had to take Provera tablets twice to try and force a period after I got so fed up of not ovulating and thankfully it seems to have worked, Ive now had 3 on my own since December 09.
Im nearly 21 and I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, we both have good jobs and I think it will be difficult for us, even though im trying to concieve.
Its all well and good getting someone to donate sperm and him saying hes not interested in taking responsibility, but come on, is that fair on a possible child? Things change, he may want to in a couple of years time. I would say wait until you found someone who you want to be with and get settled, then try, theres pleanty of time to have a baby dont jump out the frying pan into the fire!

 

[CountryKitten]

Only to get off depo, whether u going to go ahead with ttc r not, i've read a lot about depo(having bn on it myself) and there seems to be issues with fertility afterwards it. I would try something else.
Also, I don't have any kids yet so can't really give u any advice other to have a long hard think about it. I would certainly seriously consider doing it alone if time was not on my side but at 20, u've got loads of time left. Jus bide ur time n maybe u wont have to do it alone one day.

I agree! I was on depo when I was 16, Im now 20, I only had 5 injections, it took 3 years until I had a period on my own! Its evil in my opinion, I had to take Provera tablets twice to try and force a period after I got so fed up of not ovulating and thankfully it seems to have worked, Ive now had 3 on my own since December 09.
Im nearly 21 and I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, we both have good jobs and I think it will be difficult for us, even though im trying to concieve.
Its all well and good getting someone to donate sperm and him saying hes not interested in taking responsibility, but come on, is that fair on a possible child? Things change, he may want to in a couple of years time. I would say wait until you found someone who you want to be with and get settled, then try, theres pleanty of time to have a baby dont jump out the frying pan into the fire!

Thanks

There is plenty of time I probably have about 4 max 5 years before I actually have to start worrying about birth complications. But after that I'll be risking alot.

Also I was on depo for a full year from when I was 17 til I was 18 then it took me 7 months after my shot wore off to start getting a regular period again. So I'm hoping it will be about the same this time. I'll Be on the shot for 3 months so it should only take about 1-2 months to get a regular period again. Yes I am extremely fertile when I'm not on BC.

 

[Damita]

Thanks.

Unfortunately the sperm donor is one of my good friends, he would be around be he doesn't want any resposibility which I understand he and I need to talk through the legalitys some more. Because I want the right to tell my child who their father is once they are old enough.

Yeah I can totally understand about that you want to tell your child, I would talk to him some more about it maybe get something drawn up?

 

[calliebaby]

I would say wait a little longer..especially if you are dating someone right now. Who knows? Maybe he will be "the one". Also, there is definitely the chance that just because some other women in your family had problems with birth defects you will not.
20 is still young as well as the 20's in general. It would make things a lot less complicated when your child is old enough to question who his/her father is.
Obviously it is your choice what you decide to do in the end and I wish nothing but the best for you. I just hope you really consider all of your options before making a final decision.
Also, If you do use your friend as a donor, make sure you have some tight legal paperwork written and signed before you conceive even. You never know how your friend will feel once he sees his child in person.\
Good luck hun.

 

[venusrockstar]

There is plenty of time I probably have about 4 max 5 years before I actually have to start worrying about birth complications. But after that I'll be risking alot.

What are you risking at age 25? I don't get it.......

 

[aliss]

There is plenty of time I probably have about 4 max 5 years before I actually have to start worrying about birth complications. But after that I'll be risking alot.

What are you risking at age 25? I don't get it.......

I know, makes me feel like an old maid or something.

Perhaps you should consult a genetic counselor before taking such a drastic step.

 

[tasha41]

Personally... as a 20 year old mum... I would say hold out on it for a couple more years... even if you wait until you're 24, 25.. that is a lot of time to meet the right guy, get married, see some more of what life has to offer.. it's time to seek genetic counselling, save more money, buy a house..

 

[Amygdala]

Perhaps you should consult a genetic counselor before taking such a drastic step.

My thoughts exactly. Have actually had medical advice on your family history? Or are you just worried because others in your family had problems?

 

[topazicatzbet]

i know eactly where you are coming from as i have done the same myself.

i always wanted a baby but i did the sensible thing, waited to meet mr right, got a career, a house. but mr right never showed up and i was desperate for my baby and was really unhappy, so i decieded to go it alone.

it was the best decision i ever made and i have had so much support from everyone and no negative comments, i am however 28 so a little older than you and i think that helps, although i totally understand why you are considering it now.

i used a website to find my donor, we have a private arrangement i keep in regular contact with him but he does not have any perental responisbility and when callum is old enough he is happy to have contact with him. he is even going to help me with number 2 in sept.

feel free to contact me if you want to talk.

being a single mummy really isnt that hard if you have good support,

 

[Deeper Blue]

Hey CountryKitten and welcome to the forum :wave:

It's great that your approaching it sensibly and looking at your finances and job security before jumping into having a baby which is a lot more than some couples do!
I don't want to jump in and start judging your decision because I'm very much of the opinion "walk a mile in their shoes" and although it definately wouldn't be choice for me maybe it'd be a good thing for you. But since you have asked for advice/opinions I'll give mine!
- Although some people find looking after children second nature (as I thought I would!) I actually found it really hard when Isla was very little. When they are up all day and night with teething for days on end the sleep deprivation really gets to you! Try staying up for 3 days and you'll see what I mean!
- I know how it feels to not have time on your side as the women in my family tend to go through the menopause in their early 30's. If I still hadn't met my husband by now I would be looking into getting some of my eggs fozen. Have you considered this at all?
- I hope you don't get offended by me saying this, but don't have a baby for the wrong reasons. If your on your own atm you may be wanting a baby for company, as someone who will love you and who you can love without getting hurt. You mentioned you are very fertile. Some ladies who have been pregnant before and either lost the baby or had a termination have a great desire TTC because they wont a replacement for what they lost (though this is likely to be an unconscious thing).

I hope whatever you choose works out for you
xxx