23 weeks and 5 days

[lilosmum]

23 weeks and 5 days are words ringing in my ears I keep thinking that if only I had been 2 days further along it wouldn't have happened but i know it makes no difference and they said there was nothing they could have done but it doesn't stop me thinking about the whats and the why and the ifs. Less than 20 hours ago I could feel my little girl inside me kicking and now I know I will never feel it again.

About 11ish i felt a sharp pain i went straight to A&E and at 11:46PM my world shattered. They say that unless I would have been at the hospital the minute it happened she would have still died and even then they wouldn't have been able to do anything because I was not 24 weeks.

They did an emergency ultrasound after finding no heart beat and me still be in a great deal of pain I had an emergency. That is when they discovered that I had suffered a Class 3 Placental abruption. They confirmed That Lola-Marie was no longer with us and said that they needed to operate as I was bleeding out at 12:08 this morning my beautiful little girl was born sleeping.

I know I should still be groggy from the anesthetic but I'm not all I can think about is her and how I want to hold her and have next to me.

I sent OH home to see DD. and now i just feel so alone.

 

[mhazzab]

Oh I'm so, so sorry to hear your precious little girl has passed away. It sounds like you have had a terrible 24 hours.

I gave birth to twin girls at 23+3, 14 weeks ago today. For the first few hours afterwards, I was in complete shock and disbelief which then turned to so many tears.

What you are going through is awful and there are times you will think you will never come through it. I'm so glad you have found this place, we will do whatever we can to help you through this.

I know it's so early for you, but there are some things we did at the hospital which I will cherish forever, and some things which we didn't do, which I now regret. If you want to hear what these are, I'd be happy to share.

lots of hugs to you all
xxxx

 

[kam78]

Hi Sweetie!

I just read your post and couldn't stop those stupid familiar tears from flowing ... My heart is breaking for you ... Your beautiful daughter is so lucky to have you as her mom, what a strong amazing mom you are!!

Please be comforted in knowing you did your best, you done everything you could have done... You will remain in my thoughts and prayers ....

 

[lilosmum]

If you wouldn't mind I have had so many people telling me this and that about it today and I was listening but it meant nothing all I wanted to do was think about my little girl who wasn't inside me safe anymore and now suddenly it is quite and I don't know what to do

 

[Savannah11]

my heart breaks for you. i cant imagine the pain you are going through.
I really hope you are okay and may your little girl rest in peace. im so sorry xxx

 

[kam78]

One lesson I learned .... You do what YOU need to do.... what is best for YOU ... Take all the time YOU need... There is no rush ... Cherish every second ...

People are going to reach out to you and want to help, you will hear lots of advice..unfortunately some good, some bad.. I found most people in my regular life was clueless and hurtful, they didn't mean to be but they was... I honestly found the most comfort, best advice from all the mothers who have been thrown on to this horrible journey ... You have definately found the right website ... So many helpful women here, I honestly don't know what I'd have done or still to this day, don't know what I'd do without them ...

We are here for you anytime, always....

 

[mhazzab]

If you wouldn't mind I have had so many people telling me this and that about it today and I was listening but it meant nothing all I wanted to do was think about my little girl who wasn't inside me safe anymore and now suddenly it is quite and I don't know what to do

I spoke to the consultant, and the chaplain a few hours after giving birth, and to be honest not much of what they said sunk in. We had to have exactly the same conversation again the next day.

We are not religious, so I was wary of having the chaplain come see us, but she was fantastic.

I'll tell you what we did do / didn't do...

The hospital offered to take photos of our girls, and foot/hand prints. at the time, I didn't feel the need to have these, but I so, so cherish these now.

At the time, other than right after the birth I was scared to see my girls again, and didn't do it till a few days later. I wish I had held them and kissed them, maybe had photos taken with them.

hospitals differ, some offer these things, and some people have to ask, I just want to make sure you know what you can do if you want to.

hopfully the hospital have something for your daughter to wear to make her all cosy but if they don't and you want something, let me know and i will do what i can to help you.

this thread might also help you, i hope I'm not giving you too much information, I just want to make sure you don't have any regrets about what happens next, you can read this when you feel up to it

https://www.babyandbump.com/stillbirths-neonatal-loss-sids/199243-ideas-memories-your-baby.html


hugs xxx

 

[kam78]

Yes, Pictures (now) are such a treasure!!!

Right after birth I seen and held my Emma but then she was taken away and while the nurses had her, they asked if I wanted pictures... my first thought was "NO"...but man, I am SO glad I changed my mind... They also put a pretty lil gown with a bright pink hat on her and wrapped her in a soft cozy blanket... Those I kept... Which I am so glad of that as well ... I asked if I ca have the clothes she was wearing while I was spending time with her ...

A regret of mine was I felt rushed... Felt like I needed to hurry up and get out of their way.... HUGE mistake ... I delivered her a lil after midnight and was already home by 9am the next morning ...just 9 hours later! Too short of time ... Take your time... Do what's right for you ....

I also wish I would have had pictures taken with her, and her with her daddy ... HUGE regret ...

Another thing that the hospital done for me was inked her lil feet and hands and made me several things with them and also made a molding of her feet.... I love to rub my fingers gently acrossed her feetprints ..as if I can still feel her ....

I tried to keep as much as I could and got a beautiful memory box... I have several of her items throughout my house though, eventually they will probably end up in her box as well, but for now, I need to see them everyday ...

Hope I wasn't too chatty... just trying to think of things that may or may not be of any use or help ...

If you have any questions or anything, please holler! We are here for you!!

 

[Hellylou]

Oh how awful. There aren't really words, but I am so sorry. It's all so recent you are most likely still in shock.

Nothing will make it better but you are in my thoughts, I am just so sorry to hear this.

 

[hannpin]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. my heart breaks for you

 

[Hotbump]

Im sorry hun

 

[kelzyboo]

I'm so sorry hun, i had a grade 3 placental abruption too, if you need anything pm me x

I'm so sorry, Sleep tight little Angel xxx

 

[lilosmum]

OH took some pics earlier of me with Lola but I wasn't able to see her for long because they wanted me to go back up and rest. Hopefully tomorrow we can spend somemore time with her and get some more pictures. Thank you for sharing your experience of what has happened it has given me and OH some things to talk about and decide what to do.

 

[kam78]

I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE her name!!!

 

[SabrinaKat]

I am so sorry for your loss; the ladies here are fantastic....

best wishes and a special prayer for you and Lola...

 

[lilosmum]

I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE her name!!!

Thank you when we spoke to one of the nurses she said that sometimes change the names because they feel the name just doesn't fit anymore but when we saw her we decided she was still our Lola-Marie and that nothing could change that.

 

[Elliesmummy]

Oh sweetheart so sorry to read this. I am truly thinking of you at such an awful time. Nothing i can say will help ease you pain of make everything better.

I know its hard to think about but try and spend as much time with her as possible. As the others have said take lots of photos. I only have a few and its something i always regret doing. I wish i had taken photos of my daughters hands and feet. I did get a print of her hands and feet. Maybe something you'd like to do.

There are many lovely people on here so pleased dont be frightened to talk. The worst thing is to bottle everything up.

xxxxxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss :cry I love her name also it is beautiful I want you to know I am thinking of you and if you ever need a friend I am here and so are so many other good people. This place has helped me more than I even knew it could. I just am so sorry..XOXOOOOX

 

[nkbapbt]

Im so sorry for your loss.

 

[Mellybelle]

I am so, so sorry.

R.I.P. Lola-Marie xx Sleep sweetly beautiful Angel. xx