3.9 year old, crying n anxious in social situations

[elixir]

Hi, I hope someone can reassure me or give input, im.freaking out,.
My son is almost four years old and has a lot of seperation anxiety at school. He has been going to school for about 5 months and initially cried a lot at drop time and through the day. Has stopped crying at drop time, but still very anxious, doesnt mingle with other kids, and if their is a social situation like a presentation or parents attending, he just freezes and cries a lot. It breaks my heart and im very very worried about what to do. Other kids in school are all going along fine.
Is this normal? Anyone else experienced it ? If so, what did u guys do, how to help him? Im clueless and so stressed . Will it settle with time, its been 5 months. Some kids r shy n become quiet but noone elselse cries, when there is presentation/ singing/ activity , except him. Please help

 

[Teri7489]

First thing to try, stop comparing him to all the other kids. They may seem to be OK in nursery/school but might be differet at home, in supermarkets, in football clubs etc. He's still really young so may just take some time to adjust. Some children here starting 'Big' school ie 5 year olds have half days for the first few weeks to get used to it but some can take a few months to really settle. My daughter is almost 4, runs in to nursery and is reluctant to leave it when I collect her BUT won't sleep in her own room, she's in a bed next to mine. If we go on a bus she cries she's scared and grabs on to my leg, and at the local playgroup if an adult speaks to her she cries and says she's scared. I, however, get told at nursery she's so confident and full of energy, she's caring and looks after the other children. It's hard to see them not act like the other children but honestly it's not worth stressing over, he will settle in his own time. For now, just reassure him. I got good advice years ago from a midwife and it was in situations like this, keep your frowny face away. If they see you getting upset when they are scared they get torn between making you happy and facing their fear. Which usually end in hysteria because they don't know what to do. I always think of it and it really helps. Sorry for the essay! Hope your LO is OK x

 

[babyv13]

my DD is also 3 years 9 months and very shy, she started nursery a year ago and honestly it took her months to properly settle in just because of her shyness. she also used to cry when other children touched her or came into her space! she doesn't cry going in now, but when i drop her off she finds it hard to just go in and join in, she gets very nervous. she has come on in leaps and bounds since starting nursery though! and gets more confident all the time - 2 weeks ago she started swimming lessons that involve her going in the pool by herself which she would never have been able to do even just a few months ago! your boy maybe just needs time

 

[babyv13]

should add that, despite my reply, i worry about DD's shyness quite a lot!

 

[elixir]

Thankyou ladies! I just hope he settles in soon and becomes happy. It breaks my heart to imagine him sad and not making friends.

 

[minties]

3 is still very, very little. Totally normal to cry, and to miss you, and get anxious.

Sophie was the most shy kid - she took almost 2 years to say hi to adults at Thomas's school who would say hi to her. She always stood there frozen. She's come right out if her shell in the last few months and now she smiles and chats to anyone.