3 boys...

[Shadowcat]

We found out today that our third and last baby is another boy (we have two already). I had convinced myself that this one would be a girl. So had everyone else.

I'm not devastated...I haven't cried or felt overwhelming disappointment. I do feel pretty sad now thinking about all of the girly things that I won't get to experience, but I do think that we're given what we need and can handle.

I'm mostly disappointed in the reactions of my friends and family. Has anyone else experienced this? I feel like if we'd had a girl, they'd all have been over the moon - everyone was SO excited to get the news. But as we called to tell people today, most of the reactions were either "oh, well...that's ok" or, in a concerned tone, "are YOU ok?" like it's an awful thing that they need to console me for. I'm grateful for their concern, but feel like everyone else is disappointed - and it's kind of taken the joy out of the day for me.

 

[Floralaura]

The reactions of others is what worries me most, I am not pregnant yet but when I am I will not be announcing until we know the sex purely for this reason.
We have 2 Boys now and I dont think I could handle 5mths of being told all the usual tripe of ''bet you want a Girl'' ''Ooh, its got to be a Girl now'' also getting my own hopes up and so on. So we will literally announce and say Baby Amelia/Finley is due xx xx xx and go from there, save all the crap.
I think you need to be tough and let people know that them being like this is upsetting you and that you are having a Son and he will be loved and adored as much as your other Sons and that you dont need concern you need a loving family for your Son to come into. I am sorry they took the joy away from your day and I would like to say congratulations on your Blue bundle..xx

 

[Adela Quested]

I'm so sorry that you got that reaction - it's just rude!!! Do people honestly not realise what a miracle it is to have a healthy baby? Don't get me wrong, I totally understand gender disappointment on the part of the parents (after all that's why I'm in this section!), but if I have another little boy and anyone DARES to even suggest that it is not as good as having a little girl ... GRRRR!

I am sort of expecting that at least one of my friends will say something dumb like, "Oh, what a shame it's not a girl" (if my second is a girl), and I will definitely call them on it if that happens! I am really sorry that you haven't had a positive reaction to your news. I think that if anyone else says anything - or if someone repeats their comment - you should call them on it. eg:

You: I had my scan - it's a healthy baby boy!
Them: Oh, well ... that's ok.
You: (A beat) What do you mean, that's ok?
Let them fumble and explain themselves.
If they say something like: Oh, I just thought you would have wanted a girl, that's all
or: Well, it's better to have a balance of boys and girls;
You: Yes, a girl would have been nice, but that's not how it worked out. We are thrilled to have another little boy. It's a shame you're not happy about it! (or: I hope you can be happy for us too).
Last sentence depends on how passive-aggressive you're feeling

Just some ideas. Miss Manners suggests leaving an awkward pause after someone says something rude, and allowing them to extricate themselves ... or you can always gasp and say, "I can't believe you just said that!" Again, leave a pause - let THEM explain themselves, you don't have to defend.

That was all very involved ... I just feel rather annoyed on your behalf, how could anyone outside the family express anything less than joy at your having a new baby? I think even people who weren't that bothered either way about having a boy or a girl would feel a bit deflated after getting such a lukewarm response!

 

[Shadowcat]

Thank you so much for the support, Floralaura and Adela. It helps to know that I'm not alone in feeling that people are out of line.

 

[Adela Quested]

They are just plain rude!

 

[JasperJoe]

I had the same, I have had 3 boys, middle one passed away to cot death, one reaction that really got me after he passed was " o well you can always try again!!!" how sick is that comment?

anyway we went on to have another boy which I was happy about, but now i'm pregnant again, i just know this will be my 4th boy. I worry also that people will not be as excited for me as they should, if it were a girl they would be over the moon.

I will find out 1st of June what this baby is, but something tells me another boy.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I also have 3 boys. I got pregnant by total ACCIDENT at the age of 40, but I was overjoyed. At the time my boys were 20, 17 and 11 so i was really starting over. Then my dream happened the doctor told me it was a girl I could not believe it, I was in total shock. Sadly I lost my Ava at 20 weeks, but just to know my angel was there for those precious moments. We held her and she felt how much we loved her and we buried her on 3/11/2011. It has taken me over a year to get back to some kind of normal.
I know exactly the feeling of gender disappointment. I never thought in a million years I would ever have a girl, but I did.. Just always remember everything happens for a reason . I hope you all get what you want and don't ever be embarrassed about this, gender disappointment is not only common but very normal.. Much Love XOXOO

 

[Mummy2B21]

Congratulations 3 boys is wonderful ) x

 

[Adela Quested]

Congratulations 3 boys is wonderful ) x

I agree - my partner is one of three boys, and his parents love them all to bits ... they have three grandsons too, and have never been anything but absolutely THRILLED to hear that there's another boy on the way. Perhaps secretly they would love to have a girl in the family too, but they would never breathe a word about it to us.

Now they have two more grandkids on the way in November (mine and my SIL's, if all goes well), and I know that if they are two more boys there will be nothing but excitement and happiness from my in-laws. They love all their boys

 

[mummystheword]

You: I had my scan - it's a healthy baby boy!
Them: Oh, well ... that's ok.
You: (A beat) What do you mean, that's ok?
Let them fumble and explain themselves.
If they say something like: Oh, I just thought you would have wanted a girl, that's all
or: Well, it's better to have a balance of boys and girls;
You: Yes, a girl would have been nice, but that's not how it worked out. We are thrilled to have another little boy. It's a shame you're not happy about it! (or: I hope you can be happy for us too).
Last sentence depends on how passive-aggressive you're feeling

Just some ideas. Miss Manners suggests leaving an awkward pause after someone says something rude, and allowing them to extricate themselves ... or you can always gasp and say, "I can't believe you just said that!" Again, leave a pause - let THEM explain themselves, you don't have to defend.

I just love this advise, I will definitely be remembering this for when someone is rude to me!!

I had the same, I have had 3 boys, middle one passed away to cot death, one reaction that really got me after he passed was " o well you can always try again!!!" how sick is that comment?

This is the worst thing I have ever heard!!!!!

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

It was exactly the same for me, it was clear everyone was disapointed, it was such a HUGE thing to them, waiting to find out the sex, and it was so obviously an anti climax for them when we said boy. 3rd boy. Its like everyone has suddenly lost interest. My mums reaction was "oh god....never mind" x

 

[Shadowcat]

It was exactly the same for me, it was clear everyone was disapointed, it was such a HUGE thing to them, waiting to find out the sex, and it was so obviously an anti climax for them when we said boy. 3rd boy. Its like everyone has suddenly lost interest. My mums reaction was "oh god....never mind" x

What a horrible thing to say!!! I'm so sorry.

 

[chetnaz]

I know exactly what you mean. I was more worried about people's reactin if this baby was a boy, then I was my own! I knew that I'd love my baby no matter what and that it would never be a dissapointment, but I dreaded the reaction of others. I found out today that I'm having a girl and I'm so happy (if a little overwhelmed). When I called my sis, as a joke I said to her it's a boy and she said, 'oh, never mind boys are nice too. How are you feeling, you ok?' saddened me and just proved to me how dissapointed everyone would have been if she had been a boy

 

[minties]

My family and OH are all pressuring me to have a girl (like I have a choice!). It's made me want one, but Im now starting to warm to the idea of 2 boys as I have a 17 month old son already.

The way people have reacted to your news is horrible! I think it's great and I'm very pleased for you. Congratulations!

My OH is one of 3 brothers and they have a great dynamic.

 

[huggiez]

I am having my 3rd boy as well! Congratulations to you, boys are wonderful, snuggly, loving, protective little spitfires!! I understand completely about the response of others, I think that is what has made this all worse for me! I keep getting the usual "Well, you'll have to try again!" This is our last one. I am able to come to terms with it, and then BAM, I get the horrible comments to put me right back to the beginning. I actually haven't bought a single thing, which makes me feel horrible (I am dealing with some perinatal depression after a loss). To you, don't let them get you down, because ANY child is a blessing!!

 

[Baby321]

Shadowcat, I know how you feel, I think I am expecting my fourth girl, which is my last child. I worry about what people are going to say when the news comes out.Even when I had my third daughter people started saying things. So I am feeling quite low at the moment. OH is also feeling down, he is not supporting me, no affection, nothing. If it was a boy he would have been the opposite. I feel very low at the moment. Take care of yourself x

 

[Gwizz]

I have two boys and had the exact reactions after announcing #2 was a boy to my OH family, they are all boys who have gone on to each have 2/3 boys so girls are rare/nonexhistant ... I got the 'nevermind' , 'oh well' comments ... my family on the otherhand were the opposite ... its sad Cos i know IF we try for #3 we'll have the 'maybe its a girl this time' comment which I could do without ... yes it would be lovely to experience both but I'm boy orientated now lol!

 

[LittleLady04]

I have 3 girls and looking back now I am glad we weren't able to find out the sex of dd3 at my 20 week scan (although I was livid at the time, hahaha) but the surprise that it was a girl was wonderful and everyone was so happy for us when we rang round to let them know she had arrived. However, if I had to let them know it was a girl at 20 weeks I am sure I would have had a couple of comments like yours, everyone knew I was desperate for a boy. But Holly has completed our family and I couldn't imagine not having her. Now we are debating when to start ttc#4 and we really will be hoping for a boy this time to you hun x

 

[Baby321]

Good luck to you littlelady04 x