32 and TTC #1.. feeling like a failure..

[claudia_ann]

Hi everyone,
I'm 32, husband is 32.. We're both fairly healthy, non smokers, only social drinkers and there are no issues of fertility problems in our respective families.
We started trying 8 months ago and its been a complete dissappointment every month. I just thought this process would be so easy considering how easy it seems for all those around me. We wanted to wait to have kids until we were established in our careers, had a good home and income. Now that we have those things I sometimes wonder if we did ourselves a disservice by waiting so long.
and I'm getting so hung up on this darned age thing. Originally I though "oh I'll get pregnant at 31, have the baby by the time I'm 32, get pregnant again at 34 and have that baby at 35 and poof.. I'm done".. Now here I am, pushing those dates ahead by a year and afraid that I may have to go even further if nothing happens soon.

I've been feeling pretty alone in this process because my best friend got pregnant on her first month of trying, one of my coworkers got pregnant in 3 and most of my other friends got pregnant by 5 months... I just assumed I would fall into those categories and I'm not. Now, here I am.. 8 days post ovulation and I'm charting my tempatures and it looks like my temp is creeping back down towards my pre ovulation temps so I'm assuming I'm not pregnant because supposedly if you acheieve pregnancy your temps will remain high..

Anyway, sorry for the long and sort of depressing post. I just feel like I could break down into tears sometimes because I really feel like I could be a good mom but I'm starting to feel like I'm just always going to be the good Aunt instead.

 

[Mialia]

I understand what your feeling..my sister-in-law always talks about how they have always gotten pregnant right away with all 3 of their kids. We've been trying for months and it's starting to worry me. Many people have said that it takes time, so I'm just praying our time will come.

 

[silverbell]

You sound like me at the moment. We're 30 and both healthy, non-smokers, rarely drink etc etc.

I'm in my 8th cycle now. I know it's not long compared to some, but it feels like forever for us.

I keep reading about anything up to 12 months being normal, but it really doesn't feel normal compared to other people and you can't help but worry there's something wrong.

I'm going to my GP next month if we're not lucky this cycle, if only to make me feel like I'm doing something positive about it. I don't want to waste any more months when there might be an underlying problem. I'll bend the truth a little if I have to.

I know exactly how you're feeling and I do wish you all the luck in the world for that lovely shiny very, very soon.

 

[glitterball]

Hi girls....I feel for you, I feel exactly the same, me and my hubby have been trying for 18 months and I've just got AF after really trying this month I thought it would be the one, I made sure I took all my vits, BD's on the right days and was really positive (and started accupunture) and now I feel so sorry for myself at the moment. I've watched 4 friends go through their second pregancies in the last year and others get pregnant first time and it seems there is a bump everywhere i look. Though lets try and stay positive, if you keep healthy, take your vitamins and just think that a year of trying is normal for lots of couples it will happen, I keep positive by thinking you will have a gorgous baby one day it just take some longer than others...... Please dont feel alone you can come on here and share your feelings with others that are going through the same as you...we're always here and it does help. Wishing you all the best of luck and lots of baby dust

 

[silverbell]

Though lets try and stay positive, if you keep healthy, take your vitamins and just think that a year of trying is normal for lots of couples it will happen, I keep positive by thinking you will have a gorgous baby one day it just take some longer than others...... Please dont feel alone you can come on here and share your feelings with others that are going through the same as you...we're always here and it does help. Wishing you all the best of luck and lots of baby dust

What a great attitude and great advice I've just got to try and remember this every single day to stop feeling down in the dumps. It's so hard.

 

[claudia_ann]

Thanks ladies....
And your so right. A positive attitude will go a long way. I think this site will really help me. Its been great reading other peoples posts and seeing that so many other women are going though the exact same thing. Its comforting in many ways.
I've never heard the phrase "baby dust" before until coming to this site.. I like it and I hope we all get sprinkled with it. LOL..

 

[Conina]

Hi everyone,
I'm 32, husband is 32.. We're both fairly healthy, non smokers, only social drinkers and there are no issues of fertility problems in our respective families.
We started trying 8 months ago and its been a complete dissappointment every month. I just thought this process would be so easy considering how easy it seems for all those around me. We wanted to wait to have kids until we were established in our careers, had a good home and income. Now that we have those things I sometimes wonder if we did ourselves a disservice by waiting so long.
and I'm getting so hung up on this darned age thing. Originally I though "oh I'll get pregnant at 31, have the baby by the time I'm 32, get pregnant again at 34 and have that baby at 35 and poof.. I'm done".. Now here I am, pushing those dates ahead by a year and afraid that I may have to go even further if nothing happens soon.

I've been feeling pretty alone in this process because my best friend got pregnant on her first month of trying, one of my coworkers got pregnant in 3 and most of my other friends got pregnant by 5 months... I just assumed I would fall into those categories and I'm not. Now, here I am.. 8 days post ovulation and I'm charting my tempatures and it looks like my temp is creeping back down towards my pre ovulation temps so I'm assuming I'm not pregnant because supposedly if you acheieve pregnancy your temps will remain high..

Anyway, sorry for the long and sort of depressing post. I just feel like I could break down into tears sometimes because I really feel like I could be a good mom but I'm starting to feel like I'm just always going to be the good Aunt instead.

I literally could have written this post, except that I would have been lying about my age, since I'm 35 My mum had 5 childre, my sister has 2, I just assumed as soon as I came off the BCP it would happen. 8 months later, it hasn't.

But I'm trying the PMA, stress-free route this month, helped by the fact that we're going on holiday on Thurs and I should be Oing shortly after. I just have to think that will happen for all of us and when it does we'll be all the better parents for having done it when we were financially secure and certain about what we wanted.

 

[babydream]

Yes, i could've written this post myself too, same situation and i feel your pain Claudia. I'll be 32 and dh 31 in July, we've been trying for so long. I had a mc 2years ago dh wanted a break so we had one but nothing happened since we started again. I tried the hard way i tried the easy going, relaxed way, the positive attitude way and i had many stressed months, too. Took temps, opks did all i could. We've just found out that there's an underlying problem so we wasted so much time to get ready financially and establish our careers, now we still need a few months if not a whole year to get help and achive that bfp. Everybody seems to be pregnant around me, people i stared ttc with already had their baby and ttc again. Frustration gets me down and i also feel like a failure. But our time will come, babydust to all x x x x x x

 

[Clareybeary]

Oh wow - I feel EXACTLY the same! I have just begun my 5th cycle of TTC (had two EVAP lines on tests yesterday and today and genuinely believed myself to be pregnant but evil AF turned up today!!!!!) and I feel sh*te! However, DH is back today after a business trip, I'm going to open a bottle of wine and relax in the garden this evening. Hoping to book a trip to NY to celebrate 10 yrs of being together at end of May so at least that's something positive!!! By the way, I'm 31 (turn 32 in Dec so will be 32 hopefully when I have #1 child!). I confided in a friend (who is childless) that I'm TTC and that it's darn difficult!!!!! She was very sympathetic which made me feel better. I have long cycles (about 30-37 days on average) so here's to a long wait!

 

[shlafy]

Hello Ladies!!! We're in exactly the same boat as well. Same age, same mentality for waiting, same 8 months trying, same "everyone I know got preggers instantly". It's kind of depressing. We all need to keep our heads up and keep the positivity going. This forum definitely helps Baby dust to all!!!!!

 

[ebony2010]

I'm 32 and my DH is 33 and feel the same. I used to feel lucky that I could chose when to have kids and get married first etc... now it just feels awful. Im onto cycle #15 and seeing a FS at the hospital. It feels clinical and wrong. x

 

[Crailly]

Well it's comforting to see that I am not the only one who feels this way. I am 33, and my DH is 34 - we actually have not been using any form of birth control for over 2 years . . . but I would say that this is really only our 10th cycle of actually trying to conceive.

I am trying to get an appointment with a doctor, but I need a new doctor (new city), and it's hard to find one. I also want to have a serious talk with my DH about what we should consider our "start date" and when we should start to get testing.

 

[loopy013]

Hi ladies, totally understand how you all feel. I'm 29 (will be turning 30 this year) and DH is 31. We're on our 8th month of TTC and I'm starting to think it will never be our turn. My DH is going to the doc's today about something else so I've asked him to drop into the conversation that we've been TTC for 9 months (only one month xtra) just to see what he says. I'm hoping he'll say we should make an appointment for tests but I think he'll most probably say come back after 12 months. At least I'll have an answer either way just wish there was something I could do to speed up the process!! x

 

[Sophe]

Hey, sounds just like us too, i know what you mean about pushing back the years i feel the same, I am 32 also, feel very down and times and like you wonder if i should have tried earlier! hopefully we will all get our BFP's soon.. FX'd

 

[deer]

I feel the same way too.. I'm 30 and hubby is 31 - we are really healthy outdoorsy people. I'm a vegetarian and we're both non-smokers. But this is our 10th month ttc#1

Sometimes it does get me down - but we've just gotta keep reminding ourselves that it will happen and when it does we won't care about our age! Lots of people are waiting to have children now. It's not too late!

 

[mooncake76]

I am 34 - NTNP 6 months "trying" 6 months with a limitless amount of super fertile friends and family. So I'm with you all - this sucks!! But trying to keep positive and gave up on the charting this month and tried to relax a bit more. This is easier said than done. It is odd not knowing when you've ovulated and living through Fertility Friend. Reading this thread does put it into perspective that we're not alone, that this is more common than I feel it is and that there is lots of hope. Good luck to all of us xxx

 

[1hopefull]

i could have written that post. we waited for the same reasons. its hard not to look back and kick yourself for not starting when things weren't perfect yet. but there is simply nothing we can do about that. just know that you are not alone. not everyone gets pregnant by a drop of the hat (only the people that we know in person vs internet). but the people that don't get pregnant don't usually go around talking about it so they are out there.

if it'll make you feel better, go to your GP just to get checked out. We did and my GP offered a SA for my hubby (which was fine) so it really helped my stress level.

we will get our bfp's!

 

[star7474]

Im 30 and my partner is younger at 27, weve been TTC for over a year now, and although i didnt want to attend the Drs i went, they sent blood off which are all thankfully normal and im having a pelvic ultrasound on tuesday. I really wish id gone earlier, just to put my mind at rest.
My friends have also been super fertile, literally popping out one after another. My OH is understanding but some nights i just feel really sad and cant understand why it hasnt happened yet.

 

[kasigirl]

Hi everyone,
I'm 32, husband is 32.. We're both fairly healthy, non smokers, only social drinkers and there are no issues of fertility problems in our respective families.
We started trying 8 months ago and its been a complete dissappointment every month. I just thought this process would be so easy considering how easy it seems for all those around me. We wanted to wait to have kids until we were established in our careers, had a good home and income. Now that we have those things I sometimes wonder if we did ourselves a disservice by waiting so long.
and I'm getting so hung up on this darned age thing. Originally I though "oh I'll get pregnant at 31, have the baby by the time I'm 32, get pregnant again at 34 and have that baby at 35 and poof.. I'm done".. Now here I am, pushing those dates ahead by a year and afraid that I may have to go even further if nothing happens soon.


I've been feeling pretty alone in this process because my best friend got pregnant on her first month of trying, one of my coworkers got pregnant in 3 and most of my other friends got pregnant by 5 months... I just assumed I would fall into those categories and I'm not. Now, here I am.. 8 days post ovulation and I'm charting my tempatures and it looks like my temp is creeping back down towards my pre ovulation temps so I'm assuming I'm not pregnant because supposedly if you acheieve pregnancy your temps will remain high..

Anyway, sorry for the long and sort of depressing post. I just feel like I could break down into tears sometimes because I really feel like I could be a good mom but I'm starting to feel like I'm just always going to be the good Aunt instead.

Wow! I would have thought I wrote this myself! I am 32 and just started my 9th cycle! We waited for all the same reasons and I too feel like a failure! It's so incredible difficult to watch everyone around you get pregnant without even trying!

i hope it happens for you soon!

 

[bexxc]

tell me about it, kasi! if just one more of my friends "accidentally" gets pregnant while on the pill/iud/whatever, i'm going to have a meltdown. it's so frustrating!