4 week old constantly on breast & struggling to look after 2yr old :(

[leigh5tom]

Also posted in Breastfeeding

Hoping someone can help me!

Since being born my son has never gone longer than 30 mins between feeds. I've had issues with low supply and was taking domperidone to up it, along with fenugreek, pumping, etc. it's upped a little now, I think, and he's only having one ff a day.

However, he is still constantly on my breast. He also cannot nap unless my nipple is in his mouth. If he was my first and I had no other children to worry about then this wouldn't be a problem as I could get comfy & stick something on Telly. However I have a very lonely 2 year old who for the past nearly 5 weeks has had to play alone. It's breaking my heart and I can tell she's feeling pushed out. She won't sit with me while I'm feeding for longer than 5 mins without climbing on baby so reading to her on the sofa hasn't been working. I'm literally stuck to the sofa and I'm feeling terrible for my daughter who wonders why mummy won't play with her. I'm feeling like all I'm doing is ignoring her or telling her off getting fed up with bfing now because of it.
Can anyone help me?

 

[Noodlebear]

On occasion you could put some cartoons on for her, could you take her to the park and let her run around a bit while you feed? Even if it's not for long it'd allow her to blow off some steam. Does she like helping? Maybe she could be in charge of getting a cloth, nappy etc ready for afterwards. You could set her up to do some crafts and sit on the floor/at the table with her while she does it and sometimes it could be a chance for your toddler to sit and have a snack aswell.

Do you have a carrier? When my LO was tiny he always napped better when he was being cuddled, you might find that he'd happily nap if you were wearing him and it's more about being close to you than actually being on the breast.

 

[MumToEva]

Maybe not the response you were looking for, but I struggled with BF first time round (small, early baby with no interest in feeding), so I decided not to BF my second. One of my main reasons for choosing not to was the thought of my daughter feeling left out and lonely in the way you describe, and I don't regret my decision for a minute - it was right for my family, as both my babies were happy and so was I (struggling with BF really affected me mentally first time round, but I didn't get the blues 2nd time round at all). Only you know if you want to continue with BF, but just a positive story for you if you decide to switch to FF.

 

[babyjan]

I don't have much advice but maybe a wrap could help? That way your baby can be close to you whilst you and your 2 year old can do activities together even go to the playground for a bit, I know it's still early days for you but there's plenty of women on here who I'm sure can help you, who have a young child whilst breast feeding a newborn


Your doing a great job and I'm sure it will get easier from here on x

 

[Pielette]

I second a wrap. My youngest was like yours, he needed to be close to me constantly. It wasn't ideal but he'd sleep happily in the wrap so I could play with my eldest. You might find that he doesn't feed so much if he's in there, it's probably just wanting to be close for him than food constantly.

My LO slept in a carrier during the day until he was about 3 months. It was hard going but he turned a massive corner and has become the most wonderful baby.

 

[Babybear85]

Ah no that's the reason I stopped at 6 weeks with my second my first was only 15 months and it was just awful leaving him to do stuff all day on his own. Switched and never regretted it. Sorry that's not really helpful I suppose it depends on if you want to carry on. We had a swing for my little one and as soon as he was sleepy we put him in there and he would sleep for a bit before wanting boob again. I love babywearing but for me personally I didn't find it easy for just wearing in the house and gettin on with things it just didn't work for me

 

[leigh5tom]

Thanks everyone for your help

I've borrowed a sling from a friend today a and he slept for 2 hours in it!! Couldn't believe it! So I walked to the shops with them both

I have considered switching to ff because of the huge guilt I'm feeling about my daughter being left out it is getting to me and I can see it is her aswell x x x

 

[special_kala]

I would definitely recommend a sling.

I don't see how switching would help as I found bottles dar more FAFF then breast.

Can you not sit on the floor and feed bbaby whilst playing? One of the bonuses of breastfeeding is you have a hand free.

 

[Noodlebear]

I don't think switching would be necessarily be easier, you'd still be spending time feeding him but on top of that you'd have to make up a bottle beforehand.

 

[hayz_baby]

We use a sling and take them both to the park. Also I sometimes bf on the floor leaning against the sofa and play.. This works when lo plays with his cars as I can do this 1 handed.
Also how would you feel about a dummy.. Only offer the dummy when u know lo has fed completely though.. Not sure how you would feel tho considering low supply

 

[leigh5tom]

He won't take a dummy unfortunately. Although like you say I don't know how it would affect my supply anyway.

Thanks everyone for your help. Feeling more positive now I've found that he likes the sling.

Yeah I agree about bottles being a bloody pain to make up, I'll see how I get on. It's just the length of time and frequency he's at the breast xxxxx

 

[babyjan]

I just imagine bottle feeding would take that extra time with washing up, sterilising then waiting for bottle to cool, unless those who say its easier mean they get someone else to feed baby whilst they play with the older one?

 

[Babybear85]

Bottle feeding isn't as much as a pain in the bum as people make out. By the way this isn't meant to get backs up. But the reason I swapped was because I couldn't go anywhere or do anything or put my baby down because he would want to be fed. Granted I only breastfed for 6 weeks but honestly I was neglecting my 15 month old when my youngest was having a growth spurt. Had I had family support I likely would have asked if someone could spend time with my eldest but I didn't it so it as absolutely not a faff or harder work because he was content between feeds and would be put down leaving me to play and spend time with my eldest. It got to the point where I couldn't even Go In the car without the baby screaming he needed feeding so that became stressful, I would drive to the shop and I would have to feed him again in the car before going in else he'd cry again tbh my toddler was upset by it. So making bottles isn't always a bigger faff at all it's personal choice what you find easier. I never understand why people say Washing bottles is hard work I just did them at the same time as my dishes...sorry I think breastfeeding is amazing and had I only had my baby I wouldn't have stopped but it's not always easier to breastfeed

 

[HPmum2B]

I would suggest inviting other mum friends round with their kids to play. Your toddler will then have a friend to play with an you can put your feet up, drink tea and enjoy some adult conversation whilst you feed.

I am sure this will be short lived, if you can stick it out, things should get easier.

I am bf a fairly placid 3 month old, but have a very demanding 18 month old, if I don't have the opportunity to get the baby off for a nap, i just carry her round in my moby wrap. She will just sleep in there.

 

[MumToEva]

I just imagine bottle feeding would take that extra time with washing up, sterilising then waiting for bottle to cool, unless those who say its easier mean they get someone else to feed baby whilst they play with the older one?

As someone who has done both, if you look at the time taken to prepare feeds and to wash bottles, then breast feeding is definitely a lot handier, but it's if you have a baby who grazes all day at the breast, they don't tend to do that the same with FF, so you have more time in between feeds to tend to another child. Think it depends on the individual baby though.

 

[jd83]

I'm glad you found a sling! Honestly, it was a lifesaver for me with DS2. He wanted to feed a lot too, but was happy to nap in the sling just being close to me, so then I could play with DS1 and give him attention. Also, to help supply, make sure you always keep water nearby and stay well hydrated, and eating a good amount of oats will help too. I bought steel cut oats, as they are the least processed, and found some really good crock pot oatmeal recipes online, so when I had supply issues I would cook up big batches and eat a ton. It definitely helped, along with fenugreek.

Also, another suggestion would be to take kids to a play group so older child has time to play with other kids for a while as you care for baby while supervising. Or if you can afford it, put older child in daycare for a few hours a week for social interaction/play with other kids. It can REALLY make a world of difference. I had my older son going to the sitter 3 days a week for just a few hours to play with the otehr kids when DS2 was born, and he LOVED having that time to play with the other kids and not feel bored with me caring for the new baby.

 

[xdxxtx]

So glad the sling is working for you! I was going to recommend it. I am nursing my 9 month old and have a 2 year old as well and am going to be nursing my newborn as well once she is born. It's hard when baby wants to nurse a lot, but if you stick it out, it will get easier. Especially with the sling. Your baby will learn to just latch on in the wrap whenever he wants to, and you can focus on your toddler during that time.

It's worth it, in my opinion, to give your toddler some time to gain independence AND to give your baby the best nutrition possible. I hope your toddler is able to bond with her brother soon and not resent him. But don't let your lives stop because baby has to eat - he can eat on the go, and you'll figure it all out. (You can also google sling breastfeeding for tips on how to make this work better for you!)

 

[leigh5tom]

Thanks so much ladies. It's encouraging to read all your ideas. Today has been better - we walked to the park and I fed little one as my daughter played. However she cried when she wanted to go on the swings as I couldn't push her - was great fun trying to hold baby in one arm whilst nursing and push her with the other!! Good job we were the only ones in the park lol xxxx

 

[marymoomin]

I fed twins 13 hrs a day for 6 mths. I have no advice other than every second you are not feeding do stuff with the toddler. I went back to work for a rest.