4 Year old pushing the limits!

[nataliecn]

My little guy is 4 years old, and the attitude is awful. He doesn't listen to anything I say, doesn't respond to the usual forms of punishment (time outs, losing toys, losing activities)
Yesterday we were at the Humane Society looking at cats, and I told him numerous times (even explained before we went in) that he can't touch all the kitties. Well, he was getting pretty rough with one of the cats (kitten who was playing - so no harm to the kitten) but myself, my boyfriend and the woman working there all told him to play more gently, and not get his hands so close. He'd look at us, and continue on. Then when I removed him from the building he was kicking and screaming.

Last night at dinner time - he barely ate, so I left him there for a while, and since he decided he didn't want to eat he told me he was tired. So off we went to get ready for bed. Then he threw a MASSIVE fit screaming he was hungry, his tummy hurt, he needed help, etc for nearly 2 hours. Had to eventually call his dad cause I couldn't handle it anymore. He eventually had TWO french fries and suddenly was ready for bed.

I just find he doesn't listen to anything I seem to say, I've tried positive spin on things like "once you are dressed for the day we are going to go to the park". Tried giving him choices but then he just goes back and forth between the two and it ends up in a fight.

Sadly it's at the point where I don't even want to take him places because everything is a fight. Can't even go to the store without him trying to take off and run.

I'm just at a loss, hoping this is normal!? I know some is a bit of acting out as his father and I split, but it seems like a lot of misbehaving.

HELP!

 

[Dream.dream]

It is normal he's becoming more self aware and and testing the limits to see what effect they can have and where you draw the line. It's difficult but your actually doing everything your supposed

Only thing I can suggest that has helped us is having a very scheduled day , but we have that because my LO has what we are sure will be ADHD , but some kids do better when they know what to expect from the day and what is expected of them

 

[alex_22]

Sounds like your doing everything you can. Hang in there your doing grate! have you tried to just totally ignore the tantrums maybe instead of moving him into time out you just walk out of the room make a cupper have 5 minutes you sound like you deserve it! X

 

[nataliecn]

Have tried ignoring, he just keeps pushing! lol.

 

[Kestersed]

Teaching consequences for his behaviour is really important, and demonstrating that this negative behaviour won’t be tolerated is important as well! So you’re doing everything right as far as I know )

I’ve got a similar (ish) issue with my 5 year old step daughter, and have read giving them more options can help. For example, we used to fight over dinner time, so I started giving her a choice the day before about the dinner for the following evening. The choices were in my favour, for example, carrot and coriander soup vs chickpea and spinach curry, both healthy, balanced meals, not mcdonalds vs veggie pasta. Or I’d pick out 2 outfits and say which one do you want to wear, blue shorts and a Tshirt or red shorts and a Tshirt... I think it helps their age group to feel more in control of the boundaries around them.

Though, when my patience is thin that all goes out the window... and it’s much harder then it sounds, or atleast for me it is when she’s playing up.
My sister-in-law has a theory that when they go to school a lot is taken out of their control, with this routine and schedule they have to stick to, and acting out can be a response to that.

Hope it improves for you though