40 years old, 3 recurrent miscarriages in 10 months

[mad4babies]

Hi. I’m feeling very alone, sad, angry and depressed right now and just wanted to share my story. I have 6 children with no previous history of miscarriage before June 2014. We went for our 12 week scan and got told baby hadn’t developed past 5-6 weeks. We were absolutely devastated. I chose natural management and luckily once I had said goodbye to our AngelBaby she left me 6 days later (on my youngest daughter’s birthday). There wasn’t a lot of bleeding but quite a few clots. When she left there was a gush of waters and large clots. Somehow we picked ourselves up and decided to try again. My period took 5 weeks to arrive but was very light. 8 weeks after miscarriage I lost a large clot and bled for 3 weeks constantly very heavily (heavier than I have ever bled before) and managed to get a kidney infection into the bargain. I finally then managed to get a negative HPT 11 weeks after AngelBaby left me and 18 weeks after she died. My periods then started to become regular and in January 2015 I got a positive HPT. Unfortunately 2 days later I started bleeding and lost our 2nd baby. (4 wks 5 days). This left me feeling even more depressed but once again we kept trying. In February 2015 we got another positive HPT and we waited nervously for the bleeding to begin. NONE. We arranged with the early assessment unit for an early scan. At 7 wks 3 days we saw our baby Peanut (because he was so tiny!) with a heartbeat. Crying with happiness and relief we went home to start enjoying the pregnancy with a scan booked for 2 weeks later. Devastatingly this scan should have showed 9 wks 5 days but baby had stopped developing at just under 8 weeks (days after previous scan). Once again we went home to prepare for losing our baby. 11 days later I started bleeding very lightly and then at 8.10 on the evening of Saturday 11 April 2015 Baby Peanut left us. This time there was very limited amount of blood and no pain, just a ferocious force while the large pieces of tissue/baby/sac? were forced out of me. We are now left trying to come to terms with what has happened. I am very depressed and exhausted. I don’t want to go out, can’t sleep (and when I do have horrible nightmares mostly about people dying), don’t want to see or talk to anyone and am struggling to do/cope with anything. To make matters worse my 18 year old daughter is pregnant and due 1 week after my 2nd miscarriage and 5 weeks before my current miscarriage. Going on my past m/mc my body is going to take quite a few weeks to recover and then it took us a few months to conceive again. I have just turned 40 (the week my baby died) and my husband is 47. I don’t know if I have the strength to go through this again. The endless routine of waiting for your period to regulate then charting your ovulation, taking your BBT every morning so the first thing you have to think about everyday is your failed pregnancies, the waiting for your period or test day and then starting that month all over again after yet another disappointment. On the other hand we really want another child to finish off our family. I can’t see me ever being truly happy again if we don’t manage this. So either way I don’t think I can find the strength to go on. I am really worried that it is our age and not just bad luck and that we won’t ever be able to have our baby to hold in our arms.

I am sorry for all the details but I can’t talk to anyone about this and would like to know of anyone with similar experiences with either a good or bad ending (just the truth!) Thank you to everyone who contributes to the forums as they have been a really good support to me throughout the last few months when I had nowhere else to go. I just felt that it was time for me to share my story. Thank you for reading.

 

[Hula1]

So sorry for the heartbreak you have been thru. I totally understand how you feel, i have one ds 3.5yrs old and lost my 2nd baby when i miscarried at 10 wks, that was a year today. I would be utterly broken to have gone through that three times.

I m also 40 in 2wks and have had no luck since. Took us 18mns to concieve ds and now been nearly 2yrs trying for no 2. I wonder too about egg quality esp as i have low amh but I ve also recently been diag with immune issues that may be contributing to my diff ttc and my loss. On treatment for that and hoping its works as dh and i have agreed 6 more months then thats it.

It isn t always just age, so maybe consider some recurrent miscarriage testing (tho be aware the nhs won t do immune testing).

I understand the pain of pregnancies around you and also of feeling that you dont want you last baby to be one that you never got to take home.

Take time and be gentle on yourself, lots of people concieve well into their 40s and better to let yourself recover emotionally and physically. Also it seems you can concieve quickly so that is on your side.

I hope you can find the strength to keep going until you get your rainbow baby.

Lots of Hugs x

 

[mad4babies]

thank you so so much for your really kind words. I am so sorry for your loss and I felt awful that it took 7 months to conceive my latest angel baby but I know that like you there are people that find it a lot harder. To then still suffer a loss must be exhausting and heartbreaking. Yyou sound such a lovely person and I wish you all the luck in the world catching your rainbow baby. x x x

 

[NancyE]

Dear ladies,

This is tragic. I lost my baby at 22 weeks just 10 days ago. It is nearly 5 am and I'm not able to sleep just thinking about all of this. My cervix dilated and baby was slipping out, by the time I got to hospital and had examination cervix had already dilated 3 cm's. The tragedy was that my sons heartbeat was strong snd he was fine, my body couldn't hold him. I have not been diagnosed with an IC or a weak cervix they just don't understand why I went into pre term labour. It was the most devastating thing I have ever experienced. I will recover and regain my strength but for now I am very sad and lonely. DH doesn't seem to know how to grieve and to make matters worse I live with my two step children who are very Young and I kit get it. They laugh and joke and it feels like salt in wounds. I'm hurting but I'm going ok and am determined to get through this. My baby would not want him mummy to fall apart and lose all hope. I am so si sorry to gear of your losses but believe we czn recover with time and support. I send you strength and encouragement.

Hopeful,

Nancy cxx

 

[Hula1]

Oh nancy, how awful for you. I m so sorry you lost your darling son. I hope you got time to hold him and make some memories. He will always be there as your little guardian angel. I hope you can also have time to grieve his loss, it's difficult when you feel alone in this but there are many wonderful women on here who understand the devastation you are going through and hopefully can provide support and comfort. Take care, its early days but time will make it bearable and you already aound like you have great strength. Big hugs. X

 

[NancyE]

Dear Hula1,

Thank you for your response. It is very hard but I am having faith and it is keeping me strong. Its made worse by the fact that I am 42 and it was going to be my first. I had another miscarriage in January 2014 at 5 weeks but didn't feel so devastated as i did the pregnancy test on Monday and lost the baby on Thursday.

This time tho as 22 weeks I actually gave birth and had a big tummy, it was so so horrible. Yes i did hold my baby and give him a kiss. We had his funeral last Wednesday. Its all so new and raw but I am getting through it somehow with faith and staying positive.

Thank you for your kind words

love,

Nancy

 

[NancyE]

Dear MAd4babies,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can imagine how terrible it has all been for you. I am so angry. I am new to this forum just spent the last hour writing a detailed response to you. I clicked review post just to check spelling etc and it said i had to log in again. I did and my whole text had gone.

I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your experience, how I had a miscarriage last year at 5 weeks and then lost my son 2 weeks ago. He was 22 weeks. My cervix dilating to 7 cm and i didn't feel a thing, just had a little brown blood and decided to go to the hospital.

I wanted to share with you that my son was healthy and had a strong heartbeat throughout and the doc had to use an injection to stop his heartbeat because he was slipping out and didn't have any fluid around his top half. I didn't want him to be born alive. He started his journey in my belly, as his mother i decided it best to let him end it there too. I loved him so much.

I want to share my pain with you as you have done with me. To let you know that horrible, unexplainable, cruel things happen to other people too. Its just life. Please know that sadness and depression are all perfectly normal at this time. Also know that these bad feelings will pass.


We have a consultation scheduled for 3-4 weeks time. I wish it were sooner. Just want to know what happened and what our chances are of trying again.

I and determined to try again. I do not have any children. I have 2 step children that i live with tho.

I am grieving and stayed in bed crying most of today. Yesterday i laughed and felt in better spirits. Each day is different, but today was a very dark day.

Thankfully I have not had too many of those, I am not going to lay down and die, life isn't going to beat me.

I have lost both of my parents but this is by far the word thing i have ever bee through. It hurst so so much.

I send you strength and healing hugs.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

Love,

N

 

[Oasis717]

I'm so very sorry, in 43 and altogether I've had 7 losses since June 2012 (no mc before at all) first in June 2012 at 12 weeks where I hemhorraged and needed emergency d and c and blood transfusion, then a blighted ovum in sept 2012 discovered at 7 week scan (took til 11 weeks for a natural mc to begin), followed by a chemical at 4 weeks in Nov 2012. We were so very lucky to conceive our beautiful rainbow in jan 2013 and he is now 18 months. We started TTC 3 months after he was born and I suffered 2 early mc at 4 weeks 1 day (march 2014) and 4 weeks 3 days (July 2014). This year I had a mc on 9th Feb at 6 weeks and fell pregnant with no AF straight after. I lost my lo just over 2 weeks ago at exactly 12 weeks. Again I hemhorraged and needed an emergency d and c. We are so devastated. I had two perfect scans with this last pregnancy at 6.5 and 8.5 weeks showing perfect growth and strong heartbeat. I lost all my symptoms around 10/11 weeks. We wanted this and all the babies so very much. Dh doesn't want to see me go through this anymore but I can't face this being the end. I'm being referred to the RMC but I'm not sure they will find anything. Xxxxx

 

[Hula1]

Oasis, so so sorry for the heartbreak you ve been through. You ve shown amazing strength to keep going. I m glad you ve got a referral for the RMC because the tendency is for docs to just blame egg quality once we get over 40 and it s very possible it could be another issue like blood clotting or immune prob. I m on another site where there are ladies of our age who ve had similar number of losses as you (and after having had a child already) and have gone on to have a sucessful pregnancy with treatment. However immune testing is controversial and expensive so not norm available on the nhs. There is a very interesting book by the founder of repro immunology called Is your body baby friendly by Dr Alan Beer that you can get on amazon and is worth a read. If you would like more info on who does testing etc i d be happy to share what i know. I totally understand that you dont want it to finish this way it must be very hard for you right now, its really unfair you ve had to go through so much. Take care and i so hope you get your rainbow one day.

 

[Oasis717]

Thank you so much, I'd love any help or advice you can offer if you don't mind? Willing to do anything to help us help ourselves, my gp just blamed my age and said keep trying and refused all tests but hopefully the hospital will be of more help, even if they just monitored me closely if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant again would be something, trying to be positive and dh and I have decided we will try again in a couple of months, I just can't say that's it just yet xxxx

 

[Hula1]

Thats good you re taking some time to allow yourselves to heal emotionally and physically.
With regards to testing etc you ll prob have to go private if you want immune testing. Lots of ivf clinics do this but as your prob is not getting pregnant your options for this would be private docs such as Dr Shehata (the miscarriage clinic in london and epsom), dr nwuduke at the zita west clinic london and i think dr gorgy also does it in london. The immune tests are not cheap (1500 to 2000 depending on how much of the blood clotting tests your nhs clinic has done). There is also Prof Quenby in coventry who does a one off uterine biopsy for natural killer cells in the uterus (at 7 dpo - u can t concive on this cycle) for about £400 as its part of a study. All the rest diagnose it from blood tests.
With regards treatment i ve seen dr shehata and even if no probs are found he advises while ttc to take baby aspirin every day in the evening, prenatal vits, vit d 2000iu and omega 3 fatty acid supplement. Once preg continue all these plus he prescribes progesterone suppositries. If immune issues or clotting probs are picked up then the treatment will vary depending on the specific problems but maybe include blood thinner injections, steriods, intralipids (a drip usually given to feed people who can t eat properly but the high fat levels coat the natural killer levels that can be causing the immune problems), hydroxycholorquine, anti cytokine injections etc. So there s lots that can potentially be done if any issue is picked up. It s controversial as there s no gold standard studies but these are difficult to get as who would be prepared to risk taking placebo if it could mean a poss miscarriage.
I hope thats not information overload just wanted you to know what was potentially out there. Since egg quality will inevitably decline with age i ve seen a nutrionist who specifically recommened co enzyme q 10 and a diet rich in colourful fruit and veg for antioxidants, these can take 3mns so good to do while your waiting to ttc.
Hope thats helpful and let me know if there s anything else i might be able to help with.

 

[Oasis717]

Thanks so much I've carried on with the vitamins and extra calcium and vit d but I'll def be getting the coq10 and the omega 3. I'm really wondering if its a progesterone issue but as my doc refused testing this last pregnancy I will never know if that had anything to do with it. With my 18month old it was 72 at 5 weeks so it wasn't a problem then. If only I knew. I appreciate so much your advice xxxxx