5 year old behaviour

[blake12336]

My five year olds behaviour is becoming unbearable. He is very manipulative, for example at bedtime he will often say "if you don't read me another story I will scream and wake the baby" so he often gets his own way. I know this isn't the right answer as he is now a spoilt brat, but I kind of went down the 'anything for an easy life' route and am now regretting it.

Today his nan was picking him up for his school as the baby is poorly, but he refused to go with her so I ended up leaving the baby with nan while I took him, again letting him get his own way. He carried on his tantrum into school who have now phoned and requested a meeting after school today, as they see this as being out of character as he only behaves this way for me and his dad!

Any ideas? I'm at my wits end. Have tried natural consequences, reward charts and even bribes.

 

[BunnyN]

It sounds like attention seeking behaviour. Obviously every situation is different and I am not an expert but this is what I would do: Don't let him get away with things like demanding another story or he will scream. To start with it will lead to some huge tantrums and a woken baby ect but he should realise pretty quickly that its not going to work so your life will be easier long term. At the same time try giving him some extra personal attention for a couple of days. Give him extra hugs. Sit down and play with him and give him all your attention for a few minutes. Ask him about school etc and give him your full attention. Ask to read a book together at a different time. It takes a huge effort but I always find that it totally transforms my LOs behaviour if they are getting bratty.

 

[blake12336]

It sounds like attention seeking behaviour. Obviously every situation is different and I am not an expert but this is what I would do: Don't let him get away with things like demanding another story or he will scream. To start with it will lead to some huge tantrums and a woken baby ect but he should realise pretty quickly that its not going to work so your life will be easier long term. At the same time try giving him some extra personal attention for a couple of days. Give him extra hugs. Sit down and play with him and give him all your attention for a few minutes. Ask him about school etc and give him your full attention. Ask to read a book together at a different time. It takes a huge effort but I always find that it totally transforms my LOs behaviour if they are getting bratty.

Yeah I've no doubt it's attention seeking behaviour, when he goes into tantrum mode he will kick, scream, break things, and just get completely out of control. Do you think it's best to sit with him and ignore or to leave him to it? It's such a shame as he can be such a loving little boy, just seems like he has big issues. His best friend is fostered, so he knows that if mummy can't look after you then you get a new mummy type thing, and he often says he's going to tell his teacher that we strangle/hit him etc (which we definitely don't!) so he gets a new mummy and daddy. I just want my happy little boy back

 

[misspriss]

You have to stop giving him what he wants. He is learning quickly that you can be easily manipulated.

My 5 year old tries the same thing, but we don't give him what he wants. Even if we were planning to, once he pulls that stunt he doesn't get it.

Example: Child: If you don't do what I want, I'll scream and wake the baby! Adult: If you scream and wake the baby, you will be sent to time out.

Child: If you don't give me a treat, I'll scream and wake the baby. Adult: If you scream and wake the baby, you will get a time out and no treat after dinner.

You have to take the power out of their threat. It's just that, a threat. If you allow yourself to be threatened, you are giving him power over you. Don't. Keep a level head, don't act like you are scared he will wake the baby. Just matter of fact: If you do that, you will get XYZ consequences. And you have to follow through.

 

[misspriss]

I agree you should make sure to spend some extra time with the 5 year old, but allowing this manipulation is a big mistake in the long run.

Your 5 year old is not a 2 or 3 year old that can't express his feelings. He has feelings, he needs to use words, not poor behavior. Be sure to give him opportunities to express his feelings before they get all pent up and turn into poor behavior.

 

[sandilion]

I think it's normal developmentally for kids to become more cunningly manipulative at this age, as my son who is 6 definitely started with manipulative antics as well. But in saying that, I feel your son is in need of one on one bonding time with you. Are you able to get nan to watch your baby, and you pick him up from school and take him out for a milk shake or something? this might have to start happening regularly if you can make it happen, and talk to him and get him used to exploring putting words to his feelings.

 

[6lilpigs]

All good advice above
Has he ever been to the cinema? Maybe a trip to the Saturday morning kids club showing in the local cinema will be a new exciting experience which he may not want to risk, if nan cant watch little one for it then bring them along, their are often younger kids and babies having a squeak in the kids club and its only about £2 a ticket.

 

[Chinadoll13]

I think you actually have two separate issues here. If your mom needs you and you want to help, then you should definitely go and stay with your mom. However, I do not believe that you should go because you are trying to "escape" your 5 year old. It sounds like your son may have some anger issues and he does not know how to appropriately express his frustrations. Perhaps he is jealous of the attention that the two younger children get and is acting out? As they say, bad attention is still attention. I would suggest that you talk with him and let him know that his actions are unacceptable and that next time, there will be consequences. Be specific about what the consequences are so that there are no misunderstandings and be sure to follow through if needed. It may also be a good idea for to spend more time with him, one-on-one. Plan a day of just you and him and reassure him that you still love him very much. Allowing him to speak with a counselor is a great idea. They may be able to help him talk through his emotions and teach him how to handle his feelings in a more productive way. Finally, you could also provide an outlet for his strong emotions; maybe karate or T-ball? I hope that things get better for your family. I'll be praying for you. God bless.