5 year old - horrendous behaviour

[alibaba24]

Hi all

I haven't posted in a while and just really need to vent.
I have two very different daughters my 9 year old is sensitive and anxious and a really people pleaser and my 5 year old whilst very shy is just I dont even know how to describe her.
One minute she is an angel the next shes horrific . It seems like her only mission in life is to be nasty to her sister. She hits she name calls. She pulls her hair . Dont get me wrong this isnt constant all day but at least daily shes been horrid to her big sister. I feel she could be jealous of her older sister.
Here is what I find tough . Her older sister is a lovely behaved and well mannered girl most of the time. Of course she has her moments like any child. I am a firm believer in rewarding good behaviour and acknowledge when they are being decent human beings. However any time her sister gets any praise my 5 year old instantly is saying " she is the best not me" " I'm just a bad girl " and things along those lines . Now even when my youngest has been an absolute horror after shes had a time out or a privilege taken I always tell her that I love her and explain why we can't do certain things. She gets just as much praise and love as her sister however I cant praise her when she is throwing things across the room either . She is incredibly stroppy and over competitive. Everything is on her terms whether she plays with kids what they can play with. She will happily tell me she wants a different sister and mum . It breaks my heart . And then maybe hours later she will say sorry to me for her behaviour. Like I said above she can be incredibly sweet and on a one to one basis she is brilliant but when her sister is around whi h is obviously often shes a nightmare. Bedtime is a struggle every night. It's now 10pm and she is still wide awake

I am so tired. I know this sounds like a real pity party but I feel defeated . She just got a new bike they get days out. Cinema trips etc. Ans nothing is good enough for her she is a madam

 

[SarahBear]

As hard as it is, sometimes these sorts of kids need more praise for good behavior. So, for example, if she says something like "I hate you" when she previously would have hit, then re-word and praise - i.e. "I hear that you're mad and I appreciate that you used your words to let me know that." It might seem like you're praising bad behavior, but you also have to realize that her feelings are real and she's struggling to figure out how to deal with it. Any steps in the right direction should be praised.