6+4, confused & lonely. Any advice welcome!

[Schmelly]

LONG POST WARNING!!!

Hi Ladies,

Well......it's been a long time since I was on here last. Years ago I was on the LTTC board every day. I suffered 2 mc before discovering my 'dh' was actually a total knob and my life kind of fell apart for a while.

Anyhow, got back on my feet. I'm 36 now, so I'd finally reconciled myself with being childless, for the most part. I managed to take my life from being an empty, meaningless existence, to something worth living through various work projects, personal endeavours and activities.

Anyway, I met a guy last October. He was very interested and we ended up together. He loves me...almost too much. It can be a bit smothering at times. But he is also quite immature in his outlook. He'll do anything at all for me......but only providing he's OK first. I'd bore you with examples, but let's just say I wasn't 100% certain of the relationship. We'd agreed he would move in as he lives a distance away. I suggested it was a trial cohabitation, but before I knew it, his house is sold.

Having had so many problems TTC when I was married, and knowing my cycle intimately(!), I thought the occasional risk was fine. So stupid, I know. We were using the withdrawal method and I was careful to avoid ovulation time. Against the odds, I find myself pregnant. I am shocked and staggered.

Trouble is, even though I've longed my ENTIRE life to be a mum, I now find myself in one heck of a state. I can't even feel excitement about it. The timing sucks. And all the things I have filled my life with, to make myself get some kind of desire to be in the world, they just feel like they're all gone. I find myself not wanting to be with OH anymore, but too scared to part in case it's just hormones talking. I don't want him near me and, although he worships me, I am seeing more and more that he is actually quite selfish (something I can't abide). It just feels like too much too soon and I don't know what to do. Guess it's my own stupid fault.

Just wanna run away.

Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you xxx

 

[Mellybelle]

I don't have any advice. But have a hug

 

[Schmelly]

Hugs are welcome too. Thank you!

 

[Mellybelle]

Theres nothing that says you have to stay in a relationship with this man to have this baby.

 

[BrownieBaby]

So sorry you are going through this but congratulations on your little miracle!

Dont stay with him just for the pregnancy - if you dont want to be with him then leave. Its more important that you look after yourself now than ever - you dont want to be stressed and unhappy during your pregnancy.

You could always try a trial separation and see how that makes you feel?

Sorry you are going through this xxx

 

[chicky160]

Oh Hun, I don't usually post here and not even sure why I'm looking so I'm sorry if its not appropriate. I wanted to send some

It could well be hormones, in fact I'm pretty sure of it, but also maybe as you wanted the whole living together to be temporary/trial you weren't 100% before you found out you were pregnant?

Those feelings you have now about him, they will be magnified after lo is born. I don't know If I'm in the minority, I certainly don't think I am but my dh is absolutely useless, and as much as I love him at times I have thought it would be so much easier if I were on my own with little one. And We have been together 16 years next week!!!! Hormones are awful at times

I hope you start feeling better soon sweetie, and congratulations on your beautiful bfp

 

[Schmelly]

Thanks, girls. I just can't believe that I'm not even excited about my bfp. I've longed for this my whole adult life. I just feel sad.

I do have a wonderfully supportive family, though, and I am truly lucky for that. I know they will be there for me, whatever happens.

xxx

 

[elm]

xxxxxxx

Ok! First of all give yourself some time to breathe - you don't need to make any decisions right now, you're probably in shock!!!

What is it that's bothering you most right now? It seems like it's a huge unmanageable mess of feelings and situations and whatifs and anxieties from reading your post and it might help to break it down into more manageable chunks?

Is there anything you are sure about? xxx

 

[CKJ]

I think life happens for a reason. This baby was meant...doesn't mean to say the relationship is tho. You've succeeded thro hard times b4, u can do it again. N u will find u can amalgamate baby with the other things in your life. Massive massive change in ur thought process tho so don't b too hard on yourself, it'll take time to adjust xxxx

 

[little moomin]

Think, five years from now you could be happy, working on your projects, coming home and heading out to the cinema with you your son/daughter, swimming on a Saturday morning. There's absolutely nothing to say you can't do it.
A word of warning though, early pg it a terrible time to make big decisions, so take your time. Even the most longed for bfp and loved baby has caused many moments of extreme self doubt and even regret but you will know in your heart with a little introspection what you really want and need x

 

[Schmelly]

Thank you, girls Really appreciate you stopping by to post on a stranger's thread

Elm........thanks for popping in, my old BnB buddy! You're right, it's just a jumbled up mess at the moment. Think I need to try to deal with one thing at a time. Sadly, I'm not sure about any of it at the moment, so I'm not sure I even have a starting point, but I guess I need to get over this bloomin' ear infection first, then maybe I will start thinking a little clearer.

 

[Schmelly]

PS...Elm...congrats on your 74 week pregnancy

 

[elm]

It's twins they take twice as long to cook xxx

 

[Schmelly]

Ha ha ha!!!

 

[Mellybelle]

It's twins they take twice as long to cook xxx

 

[44npregnant]

LONG POST WARNING!!!

Hi Ladies,

Well......it's been a long time since I was on here last. Years ago I was on the LTTC board every day. I suffered 2 mc before discovering my 'dh' was actually a total knob and my life kind of fell apart for a while.

Anyhow, got back on my feet. I'm 36 now, so I'd finally reconciled myself with being childless, for the most part. I managed to take my life from being an empty, meaningless existence, to something worth living through various work projects, personal endeavours and activities.

Anyway, I met a guy last October. He was very interested and we ended up together. He loves me...almost too much. It can be a bit smothering at times. But he is also quite immature in his outlook. He'll do anything at all for me......but only providing he's OK first. I'd bore you with examples, but let's just say I wasn't 100% certain of the relationship. We'd agreed he would move in as he lives a distance away. I suggested it was a trial cohabitation, but before I knew it, his house is sold.

Having had so many problems TTC when I was married, and knowing my cycle intimately(!), I thought the occasional risk was fine. So stupid, I know. We were using the withdrawal method and I was careful to avoid ovulation time. Against the odds, I find myself pregnant. I am shocked and staggered.

Trouble is, even though I've longed my ENTIRE life to be a mum, I now find myself in one heck of a state. I can't even feel excitement about it. The timing sucks. And all the things I have filled my life with, to make myself get some kind of desire to be in the world, they just feel like they're all gone. I find myself not wanting to be with OH anymore, but too scared to part in case it's just hormones talking. I don't want him near me and, although he worships me, I am seeing more and more that he is actually quite selfish (something I can't abide). It just feels like too much too soon and I don't know what to do. Guess it's my own stupid fault.

Just wanna run away.

Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you xxx

I find myself at 44, single, and pregnant! It was quite a shock. But after a few days of thinking about it, I realized that it was a gift. I went so long thinking it would never happen and suddenly, unexpectedly, it did. Some things you can never truly be ready for. But just think about different options. Can you make it as a single Mother? I know I can and I will. Good luck!

 

[Schmelly]

Thank you

Good luck to you too. I hope you have a good support network around you x

 

[Misscalais]

It might take a while but you will be happy in good time.
We are pregnant with a withdrawal baby too but we had previously been trying 12 mths and decided to stop to go on a holiday. 1st mth we stopped TTC and I'm magically pregnant lol!
Hope you feel better soon

 

[mummy2o]

I think the main reason your not happy with your pregnancy is that you've come to terms with the fact you'd never be a mum and this has taken you by surprise. I think in time that in time, once the shock goes and you accept that you will be a mum it will be fine.

As for your OH thats a tough one. I wasn't happy with DS's dad and we feel pregnant after a month being together. I was on the pill so I didn't expect to get pregnant. I also did 20 weeks of deciding if I wanted DS. We stayed together for the sake of DS which looking back I know was stupid. I never really loved him as he wasn't intelligent or interesting enough for me, not to mention we had nothing in common! He couldn't change a light bulb so its not me exaggerating. Have a long hard think, even get away if you can for a few days and see if you could cope without him.