Schmelly
Regaining my life...
- Joined
- Feb 16, 2008
- Messages
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LONG POST WARNING!!!
Hi Ladies,
Well......it's been a long time since I was on here last. Years ago I was on the LTTC board every day. I suffered 2 mc before discovering my 'dh' was actually a total knob and my life kind of fell apart for a while.
Anyhow, got back on my feet. I'm 36 now, so I'd finally reconciled myself with being childless, for the most part. I managed to take my life from being an empty, meaningless existence, to something worth living through various work projects, personal endeavours and activities.
Anyway, I met a guy last October. He was very interested and we ended up together. He loves me...almost too much. It can be a bit smothering at times. But he is also quite immature in his outlook. He'll do anything at all for me......but only providing he's OK first. I'd bore you with examples, but let's just say I wasn't 100% certain of the relationship. We'd agreed he would move in as he lives a distance away. I suggested it was a trial cohabitation, but before I knew it, his house is sold.
Having had so many problems TTC when I was married, and knowing my cycle intimately(!), I thought the occasional risk was fine. So stupid, I know. We were using the withdrawal method and I was careful to avoid ovulation time. Against the odds, I find myself pregnant. I am shocked and staggered.
Trouble is, even though I've longed my ENTIRE life to be a mum, I now find myself in one heck of a state. I can't even feel excitement about it. The timing sucks. And all the things I have filled my life with, to make myself get some kind of desire to be in the world, they just feel like they're all gone. I find myself not wanting to be with OH anymore, but too scared to part in case it's just hormones talking. I don't want him near me and, although he worships me, I am seeing more and more that he is actually quite selfish (something I can't abide). It just feels like too much too soon and I don't know what to do. Guess it's my own stupid fault.
Just wanna run away.
Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you xxx
Hi Ladies,
Well......it's been a long time since I was on here last. Years ago I was on the LTTC board every day. I suffered 2 mc before discovering my 'dh' was actually a total knob and my life kind of fell apart for a while.
Anyhow, got back on my feet. I'm 36 now, so I'd finally reconciled myself with being childless, for the most part. I managed to take my life from being an empty, meaningless existence, to something worth living through various work projects, personal endeavours and activities.
Anyway, I met a guy last October. He was very interested and we ended up together. He loves me...almost too much. It can be a bit smothering at times. But he is also quite immature in his outlook. He'll do anything at all for me......but only providing he's OK first. I'd bore you with examples, but let's just say I wasn't 100% certain of the relationship. We'd agreed he would move in as he lives a distance away. I suggested it was a trial cohabitation, but before I knew it, his house is sold.
Having had so many problems TTC when I was married, and knowing my cycle intimately(!), I thought the occasional risk was fine. So stupid, I know. We were using the withdrawal method and I was careful to avoid ovulation time. Against the odds, I find myself pregnant. I am shocked and staggered.
Trouble is, even though I've longed my ENTIRE life to be a mum, I now find myself in one heck of a state. I can't even feel excitement about it. The timing sucks. And all the things I have filled my life with, to make myself get some kind of desire to be in the world, they just feel like they're all gone. I find myself not wanting to be with OH anymore, but too scared to part in case it's just hormones talking. I don't want him near me and, although he worships me, I am seeing more and more that he is actually quite selfish (something I can't abide). It just feels like too much too soon and I don't know what to do. Guess it's my own stupid fault.
Just wanna run away.
Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you xxx